harrywhy Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 Hello, Let me start by saying that I never thought I would find myself in this kind of place seeking advice about my personal life. But love can sometimes bring things upside down and change your whole mindset about everything. I have been in a great relationship with a girl (we are both 24) for one and a half years. He were really in love and everything was looking promising. I felt like no one has ever cared that much for me and given me so much. During the past 2 months we have been going through a rough patch were she was crying all the time, she was feeling lonely and insecure. I really tried to understand her and make her feel better but I didn't know how. She was also always keep making long term plans that were not against my beliefs but I was just holding back to avoid feeling the way I feel now. Because when you have planned the rest of your life with someone, if something happens (eg break up) you feel like your whole world is ruined. And although I wanted all with her I was afraid to commit to it. Last Sunday she asked me to have a break so we can work things out on our own, try to find herself and try to feel happy again on her own (she was always feeling lonely without me). I immediately agreed as I had no other option but to try anything that would get us back in our happy relationship we once had. Within only a few days I realised what I have done and how I wasn't really open about my emotions (although they existed) that made her feel insecure. I was ready to fix everything as soon as we went back together. I was also planning on not holding my thoughts inside me just because I was afraid of the future and let her know I really think about us taking the next step. So after a couple of days I contacted her and told her I was ready to fix everything and try for our relationship because I really care about her and I want us to stay together and be happy. She replied that she doesn't know how she feels anymore and "the more time passes the more confused she feels". This is when I completely opened my heart to her and told her all that I felt for her. She replied back saying that that's what she was waiting for me to tell her while we were still together. I told her that I am willing to try my best to make her happy but I got the same kind of replies back. The last words were that she "doesn't know how she feels anymore, she doesn't know if what she needs is something else or more time but she is not ready to go back to it". I tried to be as understanding as possible and told her that I understand how she feels and that my feelings are still the same for her. I also said she should contact me when she feels is the right time to talk about it and that I will be there for her no matter what. After that I didn't even get a reply. Nothing. It's been 3 days since that last message and day after day I feel more sick and miss her more. I can't eat I can't concentrate on my studies I cannot enjoy anything. I don't want to apply any pressure to her because I am afraid this is only going to make things worse. But I want her back. I feel she is the one. What am I supposed to do? I was willing to give her a couple of weeks to work things out on her own and see for herself how she feels about me. But this is already driving me crazy. All my hopes are on that first contact that she is going to make. If that contact is just to let me that she wants her stuff back (she has left clothes etc at mine) I am afraid I am going to realise I actually lost all my hopes and start hurting even more. I will do anything to get her back! Please help me Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 This is why breaks are silly & make things worse. The time to work on your relationship was when you were together before it was fully broken. She had been asking you to work but you refused. You repeatedly rejected her & hurt her feelings. She finally had enough. Only then did you realize the error of your ways. She has little to know trust now. Given that it's Valentine's Day, the Grand gesture might save you here. I'd start with a mixed bouquet of apology flowers delivered to her somewhere public like her work today. Then have at least a dozen long stemmed roses sent on Saturday with a note asking her on a romantic date for Sunday. Have something that will blow her away planned. It doesn't have to be expensive 'cause heaven knows you wallet will have taken a hit on the flowers but romantic & meaningful are key. Share with her that you were scared but explain that losing her is far scarier & you are very sorry it took you this kind of drama to appreciate how important she is. Then let her talk. Get her to open up about how you hurt her & her hopes & dreams. Make some of the long term plans she had been talking about a reality. All of the above may not work. She may be too hurt & too pissed to even hear you now. When I ended an LTR because I concluded my then BF wasn't hearing my concerns or willing to move forward, by the time he came around I was too angry to even hear him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author harrywhy Posted February 10, 2016 Author Share Posted February 10, 2016 I felt like doing something like that after all that I have tried might actually push her away instead of bringing her closer given into account that she told me she needs time. I am more than willing to do so if that is what it takes. I am just too afraid I might make things even worse! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 In my opinion time will make things worse. Action has the best chance of fixing it. She needs to know you are serious. The more time passes, the more she will think -- gee he's doing nothing. He doesn't care. I am so done. But you know her, I don't. Link to post Share on other sites
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