How to cope with it

[cyrsus]

Alright guys so I'm completely new to this forum and I quickly ran across the rules so I honestly apologize if I broke any by posting this.

 

Basically I don't know a lot about relationships and love, all I ever knew was my girlfriend and her needs. I'm a 19 year old and this is my first serious relationship that lasts for nearly a year and a half. I've always been head over heels for her, it's been great, we didn't even go out seperatly, we were together almost every single day since the day we hooked up. As far as I could tell she loved me, and she still does, I hope. She couldnt spend a day without me. I could bet my life that she'd never cheat on me, I was always saying she was different.

Until 1 guy showed up, first it started like "there's 1 guy at school and he likes me blah blah", I didn't pay much attention cause I thought I'm the only guy in her life and I swore she'd never cheat, she's been in a relationship before me and the guy cheated on her, so I was the first "good guy" in her life and it felt like I was all she needed. Lately she started acting weird, last night she was sleeping at my place and he answered her "well okay". There were no any previous messages or anything. Of course I'm not stupid and also I noticed she was acting weird. So to make it short. She didn't want to confess, after a long long long talk she discovered piece by piece, and for every detail of the story I had to milk it out, if you know what I mean. I said I was gonna contact him, gonna talk to him about it, I was gonna find the truth and everything. She told me she would tell me when she'd be ready..

At the end, what I gathered from her looks like this

She told him she loved him and was gonna leave me for him (she denied that feeling and she apparently doesnt know why she said that). He asked her out, she agreed. They met, talked for a bit, he kissed her, but much like a kiss in the mouth like a 5 year old child, no tongue or anything, she stepped away, said she can't cheat on me, she's been through a lot with me and she loves me and went for a walk to think about it. The other day she invited him cause she was bored, they were out, he started comming closer to her, she realised what he wants stood up and went home. Thats what she told me.

She was crying last night, almost screaming, begging, saying she can't live without me, she will lose everything, admited her mistake, promised it'd never happen again, basically doing everything she could to keep me with her and realising what she did, no excuses, she said she didn't know why she went out with him.

I gave her another chance, because I think I love her for real, if that's what love feels like, I don't even know anymore, I just wanna be with her. Its not like she cheated on me so bad, slept with the guy or dated him for a long time, she only went out and he kissed her, she didn't kiss him back, at least thats what she told me and I honestly don't know why but I trust her on that.

I don't know if I'm overreacting, I don't know if thats real cheating, I don't know if I'm a fool for giving her another chance, but its driving me crazy, knowing that she said she loves someone else. Now she says she doesnt feel anything for him, absolutely nothing, which I don't know if I can believe in.

I don't have experience with this so please help, tell me what to do, did I make a mistake by giving her another chance?

I havent slept for 2 days and all I ate was 2 sandwiches in 2 days (as a bodybuilder that's a huge deal for me, i lost like 2 or 3 kilos).

Please, any advices are welcome, will it get better as time passes by? Do we just have to get through it? its killing me

Thanks in advance

[Brady375]

Brother I'm in my 30s. I'll tell you what to do though since your 19 you probably won't listen as I probably wouldn't when I was your age either since Nothing teAches a person as much as first hand experience.

 

You guys both are Young. That in it of itself means A Lot. The people you are at 19 will be much different then the people you will be at 27 after growing up and getting out into the workforce and figuring out where your going in life. Point being even under Ideal Circumstances for people to Last Together from 19yrs old- the end of time is extremely difficult. The changes that occur In people's lives and how they change around your age are enough alone to make a solid couple grow apart. Also APART of Learning about who you both are as people is by Experiencing New things. Sometimes new relationships. During this time of people's lives they are Growing and Changing and are confused about who they are or who they will become or about where they are going or where they may end up. In order to figure this out people have to get out in the world and experience things.

 

Now your situation w ur gf. She makes her own choices and isn't a Victim At All in any of this. No matter what she may say. This is Not the Guys fault. There will always be dozens of guys showing interest in the girl you may be interested in or with. It's the woman's choice if she decides to Entertain any of these advances. She is entertaining this guy 100%. She's young and is curious about what other people are like. At both of your ages your both still trying to figure out what you want in a partner. It's normal but this stuff does happen which is why young love is tough sometimes. If interested in another guy at all she Should let u know first and let u go and then purse that. Instead she is trying to explore what this new guy May be like All the While Keeping You her security Blanket at arms reach. Just Incase it's something she doesn't want or like.

 

 

Also the story she is telling you about him kissing her and how it happened...well grow up some Peter Pan! She is sugar coating the story giving you the Nice version of it. She's is telling you the least Damaging version of the story to minimize damage. Common sense.

 

If this happened to me at 19yrs old and I could go back in time to tell myself what to do. I would cut her loose and go out and about my buisness and have fun fully knowing I WIll 100% meet another girl who is equally as amazing or even better. Cus their are millions of girls your age alone in your own state to meet. Also I'd do this because I know now that the chances of ANY relationship lasting forever at that age is not good at all. If problems like this are starting Now it's a matter of time until it ends. This doesn't mean that you say " well what's the point of dating anyone now then if it most likely won't last and heart ache is inevitable?" Because you only live one life, and ALL relationships in your life will end at one point or another one way or another, even if that means from Death due us PART. Also having these relationships now will be fun and when they end they will suck, then you'll Grow and advance from that relationship and move on to something better. That's life brother.

 

 

Best of luck in your Decison. If you stay w her I wouldn't stay a Second longer if the relationship wasn't slanted in my favor and for my Benifit. I wouldn't leave myself open after she started pulling this stuff ESP at your age. There are Way too many opportunities out there for you to waste Time on that doing a ton of heavy lifting. I'd make sure the relationship is on MY TERMS at this point or not at all. THOUGH I do not recommend this cus it's selfish on your part and no relationship can be healthy and last like that.

[cupcakebunny]

Your feelings are totally normal. You like this girl but she's wishy-washy. Most people would view this as cheating. She went out with a guy she had feelings for that wasn't the guy she was actually in a relationship with. She let it get to the point where the guy kissed her. It's dishonest - that's where the problem is.

 

 

Regardless - she's not sure what she wants. You take her back she will likely repeat the behavior. You both are young, she's trying to figure herself out -- which is fair -- but you don't need to be dragged along with her. BUT if you do decide to take her back - eh...most people on this site have been there. And this isn't life or death, if you took her back, and then decide 3 days - 2 months later that this is actually NOT something you can forgive, then take it back and leave. BUT if you do forgive her and you want to be with her, that's fine, people do actually forgive and try to work through cheating behavior as long as the other party stops and makes moves to fix the relationship.

[cyrsus]

Thank you so much for your answers.

 

The truth is, at least for me, 1 year old relationship is a lot, more than I've ever been with someone, it has always been nice spending time with her, I felt like she loved me, I felt like I loved her, I still feel the same.

The thing you said how she tried to minimize the damage, I feel like I knew that but I've been trying to lie to myself, or I don't know. I can't be 100% sure she lied..

 

I honestly appreciate all your advices and I realized I'm way too young for this, I was looking forward to advices from "veterans" , if you know what I mean.

I decided to give her another chance, if anything like this ever happens again, even anything close to cheating, I won't think twice. She's been really nice to me all this time and I feel like I should give her 1 more chance. If she messes that up, its her own fault, its her lost, not mine. I would never cheat, I'm a nice guy, I consider myself good looking and I think I could find a replacement, it would be very hard but I think I'd manage it.

Thank you once again for making this more clear for me. I think I understand she hasn't been 100% sure what she wants, she might be now when she realised how it feels being without me.

 

Am I a naive idiot for deciding like that?