ss1891 Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 I started dating this guy over the summer and we hit it off. We became official after a couple weeks and I really saw it going somewhere. After a month of dating, we had to be temporarily long-distance because I am finishing up my last semester of school out of state. I am going to return in a month or so. After two months together (last week), he got annoyed with the distance and decided to impulsively end the relationship. He hadn't communicated that anything was wrong. In fact, up until last week, we had a nearly perfect relationship. I was definitely insecure and fearful that he would leave because he has a pattern of leaving relationships after a couple of months. He claims that he wasn't compatible with any of his exes. That was a huge red flag for me, but I decided to stick around. When he ended it, I was devastated and it only confirmed all my suspicions. However, he messaged me today saying that he made a stupid decision and he wants to get back together. Should I give it another chance? On one hand, I have too much self-respect to even consider agreeing to this. But, I still really liked him. We were great together outside this incident. Any help would be appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Has he explained the why? Why should you not assume it wasn't another girl? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Ask him what possible good reason he could give you to convince you that you should? He already told you he flakes after 2 months, and he was true to his word. Now he wants you back? You're going to need some kind of guarantee that he's never going to pull this smart little stunt again. I'm all for giving a guy an even break, but You will not be taken for a mug. If he wants you in his life, then he's going to have to be able to 100% guarantee that he will never do this to you again, ever. Any hesitation on his part? I'd cut it short there and hang up. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 What do you want to do? If you are certain his decision was impulsive & borne out of a combo of fear & uncertainly concerning the temporary LDR aspects of your relationship and you want him back you can try. We regret more in life the things we don't do / the chances we don't take. I'd guard your heart though until you are more certain that his flakiness & impulsiveness are under control 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 I would set up a date in a relaxed environment during the evening (so that it is more laid back , as opposed to during-the-day meeting which would look more "formal"), and talk. Maybe like in a not-too-crowded-and-noisy pub. Listen, observe. Observe his gestures, too. Sometimes you can find out a lot from their tone, gestures, etc. At least that has been true in my case. Trust your instinct. Personally, I am always for giving someone at least 2 chances, because I always feel that my regret at not giving someone those chances will far outweigh the pain of getting broken up with again. I did the above, by the way, with my ex. I gave him a chance, we met up and talked, and I asked him questions and he asked me questions, and by the end of the night I was satisfied that he was genuine. It turned out I was wrong, though, and a month later he broke up with me again and did so in a much harsher manner than the first time around (telling me nasty stuff, like, he chose his friends over me, etc.) and it hurt a lot, but I would not have forgiven myself if I had pushed him away when he came running back to me. I would've regretted it and not known whether he was for real. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ss1891 Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 Has he explained the why? Why should you not assume it wasn't another girl? LOL so we actually met on Tinder and after we broke up, I checked his profile to see when he last logged in. He hasn't been using it since we became official. So I trust that he isn't seeing other girls. He is also crazy busy with school, so I don't think he would have the time to juggle multiple girls. His explanation was that he was extremely stressed out and he just couldn't handle the pressures of long-distance. But I guess he realized it could all be fixed with a little more communication. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ss1891 Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 Thanks all for your replies! As an update, I spoke to him and we are giving it another go. He seemed genuinely upset and wanted to fix things. I told him that I don't do on-off relationships and that if this were to happen again, I wouldn't give him another chance. I am cautious because I don't want my heart to get broken again. I don't know if this will change the dynamic of our relationship. I don't trust him anymore, so I feel like this will hold us back. Is another breakup inevitable? Has anyone experienced success the second time? Link to post Share on other sites
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