What's with the breadcrumbs?

[SephirothX]

So it's just over 3 months since I broke up with my ex BF. He strung me along for a few weeks afterwards as I wanted him back, he met someone new and began a new relationship. He wanted to remain friends, I didn't. Their relationship is two months old now however they didn't see each other for the first four weeks of it due to the new guy's holiday.

 

5 weeks ago I'd had enough and cut him out right before I went on holiday, at the same time his new guy returned from his holiday. I told him I didn't want to speak to him again unless he'd broken up with his new guy and that if he contacted me again I'd ignore him. I told him I wouldn't block him on any method of contact. He responds the following day saying my e-mail was depressing and seems accepting. I didn't respond.

 

9 days later he sends me a text asking if I am enjoying my holiday. Of course I was, I was on holiday. Stupid question, I ignored him.

 

19 days after that (a week ago today) he sends me a Facebook message saying welcome back and asking how my holiday was. Again I ignored him.

 

What do you think is going through his head? Why does he keep contacting me even though I told him I would only speak to him if he were to get rid of his new guy? Based on the above I wonder how long it will take before he contacts me again.

 

Myself - a day hasn't gone by yet where I haven't thought about him. I've been on a couple of dates with a new guy in the past week and while we have a lot in common I keep comparing him to my ex and thinking I wouldn't have it as good. He seems to be much busier and won't have as much time for me as my ex did and I'm going to miss having long days/evenings out with my partner.

 

I don't rule out being friends with my ex some day but my own view is that I would only attempt that if I go an entire month without thinking about him - and so far it hasn't been a day so my stance remains what it was 5 weeks ago. I'm not doing the no contact rule as an attempt to make him miss me and come back - I did it because I had to for my own good knowing once my 3 week holiday ended I wouldn't want a return to what was going on before that. I feel it helped lots, but I still can't get him out my mind and I'll only be happy with someone new if I deem them to be better than my ex.

 

If my ex came back tomorrow, I'd probably let him because the guy I've seen twice hasn't yet convinced me he's better. So what do you think the chances are of my ex actually coming back? What does his contact signify?

[TaraMaiden2]

You just need to block him.

If he wanted you back, you'd know it.

The breadcrumbs are to appease his own ego and conscience, not to make you feel better.

Everything he says is just a disguise for "Am I forgiven? Are we friends again? Please say yes...!"

 

Just block.

If he really wants you back, he'll make the effort.

[SephirothX]

Yeah you're probably right to be honest.

 

I won't block him though as I want to stay true to my word when I last spoke to him. Not doing so also shows that his contact doesn't bother me any more.

 

When he messagesd me on FB I just archived his message so he wouldn't show up near the top of my inbox. He's too dumb to figure that out so will have to live with looking at what he lost whenever he opens his FB messenger app.

[thora-tiki]

Hi, SephirothX

 

First I'd like to welcome you to the board and tell you that I am sorry you are here. Obviously, we are all going through these situations and it would be preferable not to be.

Congratulations on starting no contact! It's a fu*king tough ride but we have all been there and felt heartbreak.

 

Time and patience are your friends and no contact is all about you!

 

We all know how hard the start of no contact is. But you can see, everyone has progress with no contact. No matter if it makes you feel better or if it makes your ex coming back. Stick to the no contact. Remember, stick to it. It is time to focus on yourself. Be the person that doesn’t need him.

 

If you feel bad about blocking his a*s, then remember what he has done to you. Blocking his a*s is nothing compared to what he did to you.

 

If he goes nuts, block him even more. He will calm down when he realise anger wont archive anything.

 

Think about my advice.

 

Personally, I would cut off all forms of contact with the ex-hole COMPLETELY.

NO FB

NO MSN/Yahoo/Skype


NO Texts


NO Calls


NO Emails


NO Letters

NO smoke signals

NOTHING!

 

If he messages you:

 

I would personally just think of it as: Oh, I am still on his mind even after 2 months in a new lame relationship,

after 6 months of no contact, after 8 months etc, this will help me when/if I reconnect.

 

Then delete the bastard.

 

Because knowing what is going on with him will hold you back from healing, wondering why he's doing this or that.

It won't help you.

 

I wonder why my ex still has our lubricant, though he said he would return it when we exchanged stuff back in April.

I can build hope on it, maybe he looks at it and thinks about me, maybe he kept it because he really cares about me,

maybe he misses me when he jerks off - but it won't help me, so it's best to put it out of my mind.

 

Bahahah!

 

Drop off the radar. Be invisible. Surprise him by giving every impression to everyone you meet (including him if it happens).

 

That everything is just fine with you, and actually work on it!

 

Get new clothes, hair, hobbies, friends.... easy to say and not so easy to do... but the sooner you get on with it the better you will feel.

 

You just might scare the crap out of him in the process!

 

My mantra for the week is:

My situation is not hopeless.
You can borrow it if you like.

 

Remember:

No contact is win-win.

 

Read more about it here:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/470829-all-new-2014-no-contact-guide

 

Just don't look too far ahead - it will only hold you back.


And don't feed the «drama-monster» with thoughts like:
I think I pushed him further away when I blocked him, didn’t answer his lame text, etc.

 

About ex-hole dating and still messaging you:

 

He is doing everything he can to get a reaction from you. To make you talk to him. Don't you see that?

 

But no, you are all in awe at the magician, you are going:

Oh, he pulled a rabbit out of his hat!

 

You don't see the secret compartments in the hat.

 

If the ex starts to date:

 

If the ex starts to date that's a good sign that they are moving on from the old failed relationship,

and now you should too.

 

Why are you still holding on to that failed relationship? Let it go.

 

You watch - if you stop chasing him/answer his text/come when he snaps his fingers,

you will see what feelings he has left for you.

 

If he has no feelings then it's time to stop wasting your time on him and move on.

 

Thinking, worrying and wondering will only drive you crazy. Use no contact correctly, read about it,

there is a link on here somewhere, to find out his true feelings once and for all.

 

I really don't know why people on here think that just because he wants to talk or sends lame

I want to talk text or makes all the first moves, that this means you MUST break no contact.

Or that this is a good sign.

 

No it isn't. It just means he wants to control the situation and you.

And make sure you are not going anywhere. Selfish a*sclown!

 

I would personally just think of it as: Oh, I am still on his mind even after 4 months, 6 months, 8 months etc, this will help me when/if I reconnect.

Then delete the bastard.

 

If you need advice about reconnecting I suggest you read the advice they give on the forum called:

howtokicklovesass.

 

Remember:

The whole concept of no contact, and your personal evolution is to evolve past the break up,

not totally rule out ever having anything to do with your ex again.

 

That is much too much to process at one time, and that is why people get overwhelmed with sadness, loss, depression, etc.

THE DRAMA!

Be patient, it takes time.

 

Oh and remember:

The fuc*er will rue the day!

 

Use this no contact time to become the person you are suppose to be.

 

What do you like to do, or have always wanted to pursue that you haven't before?

 

Let us know what you are doing and plan to do to concentrate on you.

 

Keep us updated!