Would this ever work?

[misskeldridge]

I started dating my ex boyfriend from 17 up until 24 (now). He is 4 years older than me. Altogether, our 7 year relationship was very happy! We were best friends, who for the most part, fought infrequently. We communicated well, had so much in common, we travelled the world together and went through so much and today I still consider him my soul mate. Basically, I consider him the ideal man for me - he is kind, loyal, funny, honourable, he is charasmatic and talented and when I was with him I felt the happiest I have ever been. I don't think I've ever met anyone who I am so fond of - he really is the greatest human I have ever known.

 

However, as great as our relationship was, it lacked passion and chemistry. When I was intimate with him, it almost felt like I was kissing a family member. This was something that came about a year into our relationship and it was something I was never really able to overcome. In the later stages of the relationship I found myself uncontrollably attracted to others and wondering what it would be like to be intimate with another person (I never acted on my urges, I repressed them continually).

 

6 months ago he broke it off with me because he didnt feel the passion any longer either and he was eager to explore the single life. We were also going through quite a rough patch as we had moved in with one another for a year and argued a lot more (mostly over money and some of his lifestyle choices which I didnt always agree with). I was keen to perservere and try and make it work but he didn't want to. I begged for him not to give up on it but he really was adament to end it. 2 months ago I got involved with a guy briefly and experienced a chemistry like I never have before, but the guy was a total jerk so I stopped seeing him. This experience reminded me just how much of a great man my ex was and just how compatible we were, but also it made me realise what I had been missing out on physically.

 

A week ago my ex informed me that he made a big mistake breaking it off and that he doesn't think he could ever love someone like he loves me. He tells me that he couldn't envision a world without me being a part of it and I'll admit I do feel the same. He really wants to get back together and deeply regrets breaking up with me.

 

I guess I am wondering, is it ever possible to salvage passion and chemistry? And if not, is it possible to have a happy relationship without chemistry? Also, after experiencing such a wonderful first relationship is it possible to find anything that would ever compare or am I going to have to lower my standards for the rest of my life? This is something I am very scared of.

[Gingerlocks]

I started dating my ex boyfriend from 17 up until 24 (now). He is 4 years older than me. Altogether, our 7 year relationship was very happy! We were best friends, who for the most part, fought infrequently. We communicated well, had so much in common, we travelled the world together and went through so much and today I still consider him my soul mate. Basically, I consider him the ideal man for me - he is kind, loyal, funny, honourable, he is charasmatic and talented and when I was with him I felt the happiest I have ever been. I don't think I've ever met anyone who I am so fond of - he really is the greatest human I have ever known.

 

However, as great as our relationship was, it lacked passion and chemistry. When I was intimate with him, it almost felt like I was kissing a family member. This was something that came about a year into our relationship and it was something I was never really able to overcome. In the later stages of the relationship I found myself uncontrollably attracted to others and wondering what it would be like to be intimate with another person (I never acted on my urges, I repressed them continually).

 

6 months ago he broke it off with me because he didnt feel the passion any longer either and he was eager to explore the single life. We were also going through quite a rough patch as we had moved in with one another for a year and argued a lot more (mostly over money and some of his lifestyle choices which I didnt always agree with). I was keen to perservere and try and make it work but he didn't want to. I begged for him not to give up on it but he really was adament to end it. 2 months ago I got involved with a guy briefly and experienced a chemistry like I never have before, but the guy was a total jerk so I stopped seeing him. This experience reminded me just how much of a great man my ex was and just how compatible we were, but also it made me realise what I had been missing out on physically.

 

A week ago my ex informed me that he made a big mistake breaking it off and that he doesn't think he could ever love someone like he loves me. He tells me that he couldn't envision a world without me being a part of it and I'll admit I do feel the same. He really wants to get back together and deeply regrets breaking up with me.

 

I guess I am wondering, is it ever possible to salvage passion and chemistry? And if not, is it possible to have a happy relationship without chemistry? Also, after experiencing such a wonderful first relationship is it possible to find anything that would ever compare or am I going to have to lower my standards for the rest of my life? This is something I am very scared of.

 

Did you go NC?

[misskeldridge]

For 3 months after the break up. I dont think this could be possible for me to do it again. He is my best friend and like family to me so not having him in my life permanently would be immensely hard.

[yxalitis]

But, what's changed?

Apart from missing each other, you are both still fundamentally the same people.

If that physical chemistry and intimacy was missing before, it won't jsut magically appear next time.

You've now experienced what that missing element is like.

My advice is to find someone who can fulfill all your needs, not just a subset.

Is this easy?

No

But it's what life's about, not compromising on such an important part of your relationship.

You're only young, don't settle for less than you need.

[d0nnivain]

While it's possible to salvage passion, you say you didn't have any to start with. You started dating him at 17. You have very perspective on the world. The end of this relationship is a blessing in disguise for you. Take advantage of it.

[qubist]

yes you can salvage passion, but it doesn't just happen like that. ask yourself then ask him this: what changed?

if nothing changed other than you missed each other after bad date experiences then it wont work again.

in the other hand you are both young, so you can still give it a try with him and see if you can work on your problems