Dot1 Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 I have never written on something like this before but I've searched the Internet to no avail and because every situation is different. I. Me and my now ex broke up after 5 years together about 8 weeks ago. At first it was 'okay' we both needed space because our situation had changed (I work about 100 mlies away currently and only tend to travel back at weekends). Then it was her birthday and I sent her flowers and she text me saying thank you and hope I was doing okay. We then proceeded to spend the week together and re- kindled the flame somewhat By the end of the week though it became clear to her that I had to go back to work and cut off all contact again. I thought it would be temporary while she finds herself. Essentially I got a fantastic Oppourtunity to work away (with yes I'll admit good money and oppourtunities) while she is not that way inclined, for example she is so scared about ,living away from home which I can understand and never pushed her on the matter. A few more weeks went by and something clicked that she may not return. I got nervous and panicky and went back into old habits ( I suffered in the past with anxiety) to the point where I contacted her to say hello. Her reply was extremely cold saying she wasn't going to message me back. Hearing her like that destroyed me inside. So,e time went on and from speaking to others back home it became clear she was not doing so good. For example one person mentioned me to her and she welled up with tears. I need to add I take no pleasure in hearing that. We had too many memories, too many positives, too many plans to let it all go away. Her reasons for the break up were that we grew apart but I don't see that as insurmountable. I assume underneath that she is scared about growing up aswell , she likes to have the fun life like nights out, holidays and she recent turned 26 and I think that scares her a lot. I saw no other way here, I love her so much and I am convinced about her being that person to spend the rest of my life with. I wrote a letter accepting we have problems but we can work through them. I left a ring in there too and asked her to marry me although with the caveat of saying while I hop she says yes I know we have things to work on. I posted this letter today after holding it for days. My only hope now is that we can start to work through things I don't know what the comments or advice will be on here my view is that after much soul searching this is what I want and I've taken this choice. My only hope is that she and I can try to work through things Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 You proposed to her in a letter, after you two broke up? Oh boy. Unless you are willing to give up the money & great job opportunity to trap yourself at home by her or she is willing to move away from home to live by you (a better option IMO), this doesn't work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dot1 Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 I certainly agree with the first part of what you wrote, oh boy in particular. However I've gone for it and taken a punt I'm not ashamed for that , that is how I feel and if it doesn't work it'll hurt but I will move forward Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Part of her issue is that she thinks you no longer have time for her. Proposing in a letter reinforces her fear. . . she thinks you think she is not worth you even coming back and doing it right. Do you understand how your chosen method completely undermined what you were trying to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Happines Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 I completely agree with the person above...by texting or se ding letters it makes her feel that she is not worth of your actual time and effort... My ex came back a week ago saying oh I miss you and I love u and I want us...you know what I thought...this person hurt me and the only think he can do is text...so I told him to leave me alone because it was clear how little I meant If you want her back so much you have to actually show it...and in regards to job sorry but u can get a job and money any time.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dot1 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 Happiness, how do I show it? Since this letter we haven't really spoken and now I've seen that I have been unfriended from Facebook, how do I now show it with all of this? Link to post Share on other sites
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