Update - Reconciliation - Slowly but surely

[Tim99GT]

First Thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/532307-possible-gigs

Second Thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/539617-need-advice

 

So last week (Wednesday i think) she texted me at 11:30PM with a text that basically said "do you remember when we used to stay up all night and watch this". I found it odd because i hadnt spoken to her in a week or two. I was literally giving up and moving on. We text for about 10 minutes and i asked her is she was still seeing him. She avoided the question and tried to continue on with the conversation. At this point in time i had had enough. I had decided i was going NC unless she made an advancement along the lines of us trying again.

 

I called her and she answered. She said she was sorry for texting me and that she was drinking a glass of wine (im sure this was probably the reason she text me in the first place). I asked her is she was still seeing him and she took a second to respond and she shyly says yes, kind of.

I tried to hold composure, but couldnt and asked her why was she was texting me and why wasnt she texting him. She seemed shocked and i told her that im done with this. That im not going to be her best friend, her emotional support when she needs it, that i know i want more and i just cant do it. She starts crying and tells me she hates what i did as far as not showing her enough attention, that i was the love of her life, and i apologized for everything. I told her that i was stressed in life and was depressed about how things where at the time. We spoke for about two hours, we spoke about everything, and then ended the conversation on a good note.

 

Fast forward to the following Monday:

I was on my way to work that morning and text her saying i was thinking about her and that i hopes she has a wonderful day. She responds back with a thank you, she wished me the same and we began talking through text. I mentioned i was going to go ride my bike (bicycle; Ive been exercising and working out since the break up for self improvement) after work. She said that sounds like a fun time. I invited her and she said yes, maybe so.

 

when i got off of work i text her to tell her that i was going to the gym first and that id let her know when i was done so that we could go ride. She says that she is home and will be waiting. I invite her to come meet me at the gym if she wanted and she agreed. We spent about and hour at the gym and then went for a bike ride. For the first half we spoke about family, friends, etc. Just general catching up if you will. The convo eventually turned to us. She said that she loves me, but needs to feel independent before trying again. That she is currently happy where she is at because its not complicated.

 

We returned to the house and put the bikes up. I asked her what she wanted to do (as in if she was going to leave or wanted to stay etc)

She said she wanted to hang out. I told mentioned going to this little dive bar thats quiet and never busy to have a drink and talk. She agreed and off we went. The conversation at the bar was roughly the same as what we had while riding bike. She cried a few times and told me she does love me and wants to try this again, just not now. I said ok, that i wasnt going to wait though. That i was going to continue to actively see and date other people in the mean time. I asked her if she would be ok with that. If in 6 months or so when she said she was ready, and i was with someone else, if she would be ok with that. She said she would be jealous and would find a way to get me back. We both laughed and i asked how she would go about doing that. She said she knows i love her and that she would find a way to seduce me again (while throwing me that seductive smile of hers)

 

We finished opur drink and went back to the house. We sat on the couch and continued to talk. At one point she made a comment about having to make a change in her life in the next day or so. I asked her what she meant by that. She said nothing, but said it sheepishly as to entice me to ask again. I asked her if it was about him and she said yes. I asked her is she was going to end it and him and she looked up at me and into my eyes and said yes. That hes not the guy for her and that i am. I told her that i was happy to hear that and that i know that this wont be easy (her leaving him; us trying again). We ended up hugging and holding each other and then it lead to kissing. It was sweet and passionate and she told me that she truly loves me and that the changes that i have made in my life in the past 4 months have really made an impression on her and that she was proud of me. She ended up sleeping over and we held each other all night.

 

The next day we met for a drink with her friend in the early afternoon. we had a good time and didnt talk about us at all. She went to drop the friend off after and said she was going to come over to hang out, but that she had to take care of something first and could do it over the phone. I knew what it was so i just said ok. She called me after dropping the friend off and said she decided she has to do this in person. It was tough to think about, but i kept calm and said ok. That i was going to go meet a friend for a drink in the mean time. It was probably the longest 1.5-2 hours of my life... Not knowing what was going on, whats being said, or if anything physical is happening between them etc... , or if she would even go through with it and not call me. She eventually called and said she was in front of my house. I left and went home to meet her. It was tough i tell you. You could tell she cried the whole time and she even admitted it. She said she cried because she likes him as a person and that he was a good friend. That it was hard to cut ties with him and tell him that they cannot speak anymore (one of my requests).

 

We spoke for a good while. She continued to tell me that she loves me and that her doing this and being here with me means something (she was trying to comfort me). We kissed several times and she stayed over that night as well.

 

As of today, we are taking things very slow. We talk here and there, but i dont try to blow up her phone or ask about every detail of her day or what she did. I let her divulge this to me at her pace. Im going to continue to do what i want and not try to let everything i do revolve around her. I want her to see that im currently happy with me and where im at in life and that im not wanting to just jump straight back in this full speed. It will be hard, but it has to happen this way. And frankly she needs time to herself so to speak to do some self healing. I told her i wouldnt take the next step with her until her feelings for him have passed, or at least subsided enough in my eyes that i feel comfortable offering myself and feelings to her in that way.

 

 

So thats it as of now. Just though id post up and give yall a look into whats happening and maybe give some hope to those of you that may be going through what i was. Im trying to not put a whole lot of pressure on this and plan to take this one day at a time. Im sorry for the mega post btw haha.

[lolablue17]

You don't really get what has happened here. I don't want to be the one who will be waiting next corner (your next crisis), telling you "I told you so", so i will tell you only once:

 

What you're experiencing now, that's what she has to offer in general. here's the deal:

 

She will be with you but always will be open to other guy hitting her. She will flirt with others, and probably cheat.

 

She will do to you the same as she does to her current\ex bf (She was meeting and loving you, while still being with him). If you try to limit her freedom to hang out with other guys, she will break up with you, blaming you... and then will regret...

 

This is how your life is going to be, if you take her back. In your mutual big picture - It's all about her. Her needs, her desire for drama and attention. I pretty much sum your future life with her. You still have the chance to change your miserable destiny. It's not too late.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

You don't really get what has happened here. I don't want to be the one who will be waiting next corner (your next crisis), telling you "I told you so", so i will tell you only once:

 

What you're experiencing now, that's what she has to offer in general. here's the deal:

 

She will be with you but always will be open to other guy hitting her. She will flirt with others, and probably cheat.

 

She will do to you the same as she does to her current\ex bf (She was meeting and loving you, while still being with him). If you try to limit her freedom to hang out with other guys, she will break up with you, blaming you... and then will regret...

 

This is how your life is going to be, if you take her back. In your mutual big picture - It's all about her. Her needs, her desire for drama and attention. I pretty much sum your future life with her. You still have the chance to change your miserable destiny. It's not too late.

 

Take heed in lola's words, they hold weight although I'd argue the amount,

for these words are laced with insecurity and the challenges you may need to surmount,

You've won the battle of getting her attention fixated back onto you,

But the war is of attrition, and you must not forget to pay your due!

 

I originally advised you to chase, for if you love this girl, even if the challenge is rough,

The reward would be worth it, even if the road getting there was tough,

However, now that you've climbed the mountain and the view is exactly what you'd thought,

You must not repeat your mistake, resilience is not something that's taught.