Can't stop messaging my ex

[supermaddud]

I can't stop messaging my ex. The thing is I still care about her so much (been two months since breaking up) yet the last I heard of her was a month ago. I had a good spell of two weeks where I didn't contact her, then broke it for some stupid apology where she didn't even respond.

 

We broke up because I was too confrontational in arguments, and some throwaway comments I had made hurt her. I wish she had told me that sooner, before she had decided to break up but that's what's happened.

 

Why do I text her? Because despite the arguments I loved her. I still love her. Part of me knows that the right thing to do is let her go, but the other part of me knows that things will be different if she gave me a chance. Instead of just sitting around I have read books on how to approach situations better bit she won't accept that I have.

 

What do I need to do? Should I try no contact for longer than two weeks, say a month? If that's the answer then I need help with it because I guess I'm just not strong enough for that.

 

I'm scared that she will forget about me in a month because it's already been two. I don't even know if she has moved on or not, but every time I think I have, I just start thinking about her again.

 

I'm just completely lost.

[loveforever101]

You definetly need to try no contact for a lot longer. You need to try and move on, trust me I'm in a similar situation and its the best thing to do. Its really difficult but its very worth it. I'm only at 3 weeks of no contact but I'm already feeling a million times better.

 

Don't worry about her "forgetting you", if you guys had anything serious together she will not forget you at all. Just try and give her space, its pretty obvious that's what she needs since she's just been ignoring you.

[Satu]

Emotionally you are in a bad place. Thats clear.

 

So you need to get yourself into a calmer and more grounded state of mind.

 

Generally speaking, when someone is obsessing about their ex as you are, that preoccupation causes the person to neglect themselves.

 

 

Are you eating healthily?

 

Are you drinking enough water?

 

Are you exercising?

 

Are you spending time with other people, family and friends?

 

Are you getting out of the house enough?

 

Are you avoiding drugs and alcohol?

 

Are you doing fun stuff, just for enjoyment?

 

Are you keeping up with your responsibilities?

 

 

Those are the things you need to do before you do anything else.

 

 

Take care.

[supermaddud]

Thank you for your messages.

 

I know it's the right thing to do but for some reason I just end up messaging her again. She hasn't blocked me on any social media or blocked my texts from coming through. I will try my best to go NC.

 

Yeah I'm doing alright with myself, better than I was last month that's for sure. I decided to start learning the guitar, hopefully that will keep my mind off of her for a bit.

 

Thanks again.

[loveforever101]

Block her on social media and delete her number and stuff. It will really help. Worry about you and only you. Its good to hear you started a new hobby, I've been playing guitar for four years and I can say it really does help get your mind off things such as this. Don't worry man you'll be okay, I thought my whole world was ending just a month ago and now I'm back to my old self. (:

[supermaddud]

Okay I will.

 

After the no contact, how do I show her that I've changed what was wrong? It seems like she just believes that I can't change.

[loveforever101]

That's the tricky part. I would say let her reach out to you. Once she does then you can see what she wants but only if some time has passed like a month for example. The more time and space you give her the more she will forgive and forget the bad things about your relationship.

 

You have plenty of time to focus on that later though. Focus on yourself for now and make sure you keep NC. Once a substantial amount of time has passed, that's when you can consider what to do next.

[supermaddud]

It's strange, I would have thought that after two months she would have been more open to talking. I guess different people have different ways of dealing with things.

 

Im really not sure she will reach out to me. Maybe I'm just putting her into a corner by messaging her all the time but I think I will have to restablish contact after nc if she feels pressured by me. Thanks for your help.

[loveforever101]

No problem man. Try not to think so negatively though if she cares and wants you in her life she will reach out. You probably pushed her away by messaging her so much. I'm in the same boat as you so were both trying to get through it.

[Simon Phoenix]

It's strange, I would have thought that after two months she would have been more open to talking. I guess different people have different ways of dealing with things.

 

Im really not sure she will reach out to me. Maybe I'm just putting her into a corner by messaging her all the time but I think I will have to restablish contact after nc if she feels pressured by me. Thanks for your help.

 

Well yeah, you've badgered her to the point that she's not going to reach out for a long time, if ever. But every time you message her, you dig your own grave that much deeper. You can't force someone to have a conversation they don't want to have, so stop. If anything, your pestering is just confirming to her that she made the right choice to cut you loose. I mean, how can you have changed for the better if you aren't respecting her decision and trying to force her into contact?

 

I mean, you're probably dead to rights no matter what at this point. But your demise will be guaranteed if you continue this behavior. It's time for you to leave her alone and start walking forward and actually making lost-lasting changes, not making knee-jerk changes that she doesn't buy for a second. Therefore when you get into your next relationship with whoever, you'll be better equipped to handle it.

 

Either way, there's absolutely no upside to what you are doing. And you aren't showing "love" when you do this -- you're just showing that you are selfish.

[LoveAnimals]

You need to have no contact for a lot longer than 2 weeks. As mentioned it should be at least a month. Just think that at this point, the only thing you have left is your dignity. The more you call her, the more you lose that dignity. She is losing respect each time you do that since she knows she has you wrapped around her finger. Regain your dignity. Stop contacting her.

[Chriskey2015]

Accept and forget her!

[RocketQueen]

Okay I will.

 

After the no contact, how do I show her that I've changed what was wrong? It seems like she just believes that I can't change.

 

Just by not contacting her you will already be showing her you are changing, as it stands she knows you're contacting her for random reasons which is really off putting, many of us have been where you are and it's a massive learning curve.

 

You need to be doing things for yourself not with her in mind. When you think you want to contact her write it down in an email and save it to drafts- leave it a few days and re-read what you wrote, I guarantee you will feel differently when you read it, I'm not saying you will feel better but it will show you how much your feelings fluctuate and vary on a daily basis.

 

In your post you said you made some throw away comments- again we've all done that but it's another lesson on how you can't take back words once they're spoken or typed- the same goes for any messages you might send in an emotional moment. Stop and wait and repeat.

 

Look after yourself and take this time to get to know yourself and how you work. Let it all out, to friends or on here.

 

Take care x