CalvinM Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 I stayed calm, didn't beg her to come back. I didn't argue. She told me it was over and the spark was gone, I said "ok, thank you for your honesty." That was it. No angry words or tears. Just acceptance. We still live together and the past week I've been hanging out with her, having fun, not pushing for sex or talking about the relationship. That's it. No need to use nc. Move forward, improve yourself (I started eating healthier, running again). Be positive. Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Where's the reconciliation? It just seems to me that two people are making the most out of "being divorced but still living in the same house." That's good, I guess, but are you back together? Honestly, since I've been through it, if you're doing anything (running, eating healthier, etc.) FOR someone then you have it a bit mixed up. If someone told me that the spark was gone, or not there, I'd be gone as soon as possible. Not to be a jerk, not to hide, not to get them back... but to get out of a situation where someone didn't want me. Not saying that you're wrong, but it's been a month (according to your other posts) and absolutely nothing has changed about either of you. It takes time to step back from a breakup and live/learn and THEN see if reconciliation is a possibility. I'm over one year out from the breakup that sent me here and I'm a different person now. I would never take her back or even date someone remotely like her. One month after she ripped my heart out I would have gladly taken her back. I'm also two years out from a very long-term relationship that I ended and I see where I was at fault for many things and have grown from that as well. If she came back around, I'd give it a solid thought for sure. Just saying, one month while in constant contact doesn't paint a picture of the typical, successful reconciliation. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 u live together!!!! get out of here! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 She told me yesterday and again this afternoon that she'd bee rethinking things and she regrets her decision. The spark is definitely back. She asked if I wanted to try to see each other when I move out and we have our own space. She said she has been feeling a lot for me since I've been giving her space. We had a mini date last night and it definitely felt the way it did when we first started dating. It might not be a complete reconciliation (that takes more than a week, imo), but we're definitely back on track. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 And I'm running because the weather is nice and I want to get back in better shape. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 u live together!!!! get out of here! Haha, so what? Everyone that lives together must be in marital bliss at all times? Link to post Share on other sites
PlasticMan Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Haha, so what? Everyone that lives together must be in marital bliss at all times? Calvin - I was in your shoes. She told me she was going to move out but we still had the snuggles hugs kisses, I love yous. Well that was 5 months ago. She has moved out and we barely speak now. It is going to be a rough ride my friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 Calvin - I was in your shoes. She told me she was going to move out but we still had the snuggles hugs kisses, I love yous. Well that was 5 months ago. She has moved out and we barely speak now. It is going to be a rough ride my friend. The issue for us is that she likes her space. She needs to decompress after work. As of Saturday, she'll have lots of space when I move into my own apartment. She asked if I want to see each other during our holidays. I doubt she'll cut ties, but I might be wrong.. Link to post Share on other sites
PlasticMan Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 The issue for us is that she likes her space. She needs to decompress after work. As of Saturday, she'll have lots of space when I move into my own apartment. She asked if I want to see each other during our holidays. I doubt she'll cut ties, but I might be wrong.. She moved out on me. We talked liked we were still together. Still saw each other did things together. Hugs and kisses. Ghost one day. She needs her space. I never begged her to come back and I never begged her not to leave. Every story is different but she can't wait for you to move out. Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 You do realise, that once you move out, she is free to date? Regretting a decision is not changing a decision. She said its over. She is now free to date you or anyone else. Space is female for wanting the option to date others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 You do realise, that once you move out, she is free to date? Regretting a decision is not changing a decision. She said its over. She is now free to date you or anyone else. Space is female for wanting the option to date others. She's free to see other people now. Except that she said she's not ready to date other people and I have no reason not to believe her. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I'd be wary if I was you. You are doing a touchdown dance at the 15-yard-line right now. She could be using this time to wean herself off of you, so don't yell scoreboard just yet. Move out like you are supposed to and do your thing and see how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I suggest moving out and living separate lives will pull you back apart. She wanted you out originally, but had second thoughts when she realised you had another girl lined up and the reality of the break up hit her hard. Once she sits alone in her own space and she gets used to you not being there, used to you not being in her face every day - the habit aspect of this relationship will be broken. I guess then, the old reasons for her wanting you gone, will resurface. But never say never, you may indeed make a go of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 I suggest moving out and living separate lives will pull you back apart. She wanted you out originally, but had second thoughts when she realised you had another girl lined up and the reality of the break up hit her hard. Once she sits alone in her own space and she gets used to you not being there, used to you not being in her face every day - the habit aspect of this relationship will be broken. I guess then, the old reasons for her wanting you gone, will resurface. But never say never, you may indeed make a go of this. You must be a real blast at parties. She actually asked yesterday if I wanted to spend our holidays together. She also said she wasn't ready to date other people, and wanted to see how things go with us before trying the dating scene again. She was clearly lying. ? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 You must be a real blast at parties. She actually asked yesterday if I wanted to spend our holidays together. She also said she wasn't ready to date other people, and wanted to see how things go with us before trying the dating scene again. She was clearly lying. ? No, but just wait and see how all that pans out, before you start thinking you got it all sussed. YOU ain't even moved out yet. She tossed you to the curb once, I do not believe all is now suddenly great her end. Have you changed or are you just the same guy she rejected before; if you are just the same guy, then expect the same result. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 You were already dead wrong in a previous post. Her biggest issue was that she needed her space back and for us to ease through the honeymoon phase. Most of the issues were as a result of us moving in too soon. I'm not saying things are perfect, but I'm certainly a lot more optimistic than I was last weekend. I've proven I can be fun, upbeat. And I reminded her of the guy she originally fell for. I'd say odds are pretty good. Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 :grabs moar popcorn: Omnomom. Talk is cheap. Deeds count. And currently deed is that you are being evicted. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 And currently deed is that you are being evicted. A very good point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 You might be right, actually. I just got home and she hadn't left for work yet. I went to give her a kiss and she gave me the cheek. Then as she was leaving for work she gave me a hug. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 You might be right, actually. I just got home and she hadn't left for work yet. I went to give her a kiss and she gave me the cheek. Then as she was leaving for work she gave me a hug. A deep meaningful lover's type hug or one you would give to a colleague or a friend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 It was a nice hug, but last night she had no issues kissing me. Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Dude, she's doing the following and you're too naive to see it: - She's letting you down easy - She's getting what she wants (you moving out), but she's using you to cushion the blow at the same time (hot and cold, kissing, pulling away, making promises, etc.) - You're her shoulder to cry on and person to talk to because no one else is there. - She's making sure that, even though she wants her space (other guys), you're there as a backup plan. You're playing the role SO well, which is why you're getting evicted but she's letting you "cuddle" at the same time. You're strengthening her resolve by having no backbone and no balls. Seriously, man. You would have come off much better in her eyes if you'd moved out the day she said she wanted to breakup. Instead, you hung around like a little love-sick puppy. Now she knows how to train you, and train you she has. I'm not coming down on this girl for what she's doing. It's pretty common. I'm telling you exactly what's happening because you're too blind to see it. People want what they can't have. That's why she's getting rid of you because she wants other guys (something she can't have while with you). You're throwing yourself at her which makes her want you less. Period. What you should be doing: Understanding what's going on and working on yourself for you. Absolutely nothing has changed in the month you've been broken up. If you really want to end up with this girl, you have to find yourself first. You can't ever be happy with someone else if you're not first happy with yourself. Get out. Cut ties. Figure yourself out. Or... keep your entire life focused on on person and see how that pans out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Morphine Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Good luck! I hope it works out well for you. But I think you both need time apart. Date your ex, dont go back together yet, just see how things go. You do not want to get back with someone only to be dumped again year later (happened to me...) Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Dude.. You need to grab the "D" ring welded to the back of your head and pull it out of your Azz!" You're being played like a piano! You came on here on your post and said things are fine again? Really? I'm not trying to be a butt head but smack some reality back into you. A girl that's REALLY into you WANTS to spend her free time with the man she loves. She doesn't need copious amounts of "space" from him. When a woman say that, it's basically her saying, "listen, i'm tiring of you and probably falling out of love w/you, so I need further space from you each day".. You need to get your head back in the game and stay on track to getting out of there and moving onto a girl that WANTS to be with you. She clearly doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Morphine Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Guys, you are definitely more experienced than I am but...second chances happen. People change, people make mistakes and much more! However, it is likely that she is toying with him. Link to post Share on other sites
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