kismetkismet Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 i broke up with my ex almost 4 months ago now after a 1.5 yr relationship.. We really connect SO WELL intellectually and physically.. have an unusual combination of hobbies/characteristics in common, and don't fall in love easily despite doing reasonably well with the opposite sex. However, I have huge issues with being emotionally vulnerable rooted in childhood, and he has issues with being emotionally communicative and expressive, and it just came apart very suddenly. I often felt pushed by the wayside and unappreciated, but I didn't know how to communicate it very well. I would dissociate and shut down and be stressful and irritated all the time, which would only push him further away. He was aloof and hated making plans of any kind and was stuck in a rut with the rest of his life... would hide from his life/me in video games and didn't want to do very much. One morning during an argument I just walked out and said we were done... it was sudden and unexpected to both of us... Even though he knew I was unhappy, he didn't think I would ever leave. For the first while I really felt that I had made the right decision. I deleted him from certain social media things and tried to keep as little contact as possible.. remaining neutral when we spoke. After 5 weeks we met up and talked and cried and ended up sleeping together. he said he was blindsided, heartbroken and didn't understand why I left, he couldn't stop crying . But we decided the breakup had been for the best and he said that he guessed it was inevitable, and said that he probably couldn't try again because it would be too much pressure on him. We sort of chatted on and off.. When i would open the communication he would make excuses to talk every day and apologize for it.. and I'd have to cut it off again. A couple of times we met up drunk, but rather than it being your typical booty call he would stay over all weekend (2 or 3 nights) and we'd essentially act like a couple again.. without talking about anything. But things have been easier between us. I've let my guard down and the tension that was there before isn't anymore. I understand more clearly that he expresses affection differently.. A couple of weeks ago he said that he couldn't be friends like this anymore because I was still his best friend but he was too jealous of the fact that I was going out all the time and meeting new people and at bars and parties a lot, while he was still moping at home. I told him I needed to talk to him... I then stupidly put off talking to him for a few more weeks even though we saw each other a number of times... Basically in the relationship I acted as the more attached and invested one, but after breaking up that didn't really seem to be true and he was the one that was more attached to the relationship.... This past weekend I admitted to him finally (after much pushing from him) why I have such a hard time communicating and we said that we love each other (we have said it every time we've seen each other since the break up) I said that I think we would still have problems, but that I think we would be better able to deal with them now, and he agreed. However he said he needed time to think... he also said that he had just started growing accustomed to the idea of being single, he hadn't moved on at all during the first period while I was going out all the time and meeting new people. And he had just wrapped his head around wanting an 'adventurous summer' reconnecting with old friends and meeting new people. I feel like that might be him saying that he wants to date other people... I can't really complain because I did a little bit of that while we apart (didn't sleep with anyone though). But that was when I thought there was no chance for us... should I just wait to see what he says? How long do I wait? We have been talking everyday as usual since that conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kismetkismet Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 I should maybe note that for the past 6 weeks we have been talking every day basically and acting essentially the way we did when we were together. The only difference is that we technically are not (haha) and that we don't spend as much time together.. more like once a week if you average it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts