Waffles1 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Hey, I'm going to start this off by straight up admitting that at the start of my 2.5yr relationship (two weeks in), I cheated on my boyfriend with my former partner of 4yrs. We managed to get through that after abit of time apart. A year or so later we decided to move to town together and were there for 8months - I eneded up calling things off when he announced that he wanted to move back to our old country town and to live back with his parents to save my money (his parents are strict Christian so I am not allowed to stay at his house or anything). I didn't see how things could work after him choosing to leave, so broke it off. We started seeing each other 10 weeks later because I also moved back to the town (couldn't adford to live in the city without him). We decided to keep seeing each other and see how things went, he declared his love and gave the whole 'I'd do anything' speech. I believed him. Not many weeks later he asked for a break as we had been having some small arguments - he stopped talking to me and had nothing to do with me for about a week and a half. About a week later I ended up at a party where I got far too drunk and kissed a guy (I can't remember any of this but it's what apparently happened). Later into the night my ex/the guy I'm on a break with comes up to me and says it was a mistake to ask for a break and he wanted us to go back to seeing each other again and really try and work things out, that he can't be without me, he stayed the night that night and following this I assumed we were okay (despite him being abit upset that I had kissed someone). Anyway, a couple of weeks later (this happened last weekend), he went away with some friends, I didn't end up being able to see him for about a week after he went due to work/exams etc, but when I finally caught up with him I could tell something was up. Two days later I was on his phone looking through his pictures and there was a photo of a girl from facebook. I went onto his facebook to find out he had been chatting her up (in person at some hot pools) whilst away, then given her his number as they were supposed to go to a party together. She never text him that night so for four days following this, he tried finding her on fb, he eventually did and then messaged her asking why she never text. I asked him about her one morning but we didn't get the chance to discuss it as he had work. I havnt seen him since but have had two heated arguments over text with him. He has stated that he was into her, and was angry when she didn't get in touch with him. I am absolutely gutted as its obvious there were feelings involved here and I genuinely thought that him and I were going to work out stuff out together. During our argument, he has turned the whole situation on me, saying that i can't talk, that I have done much worse, to which I replied that I knew I had but we had already gone over what I had done and that this particular argument was caused by what he has done. I have tried telling him that there is a difference between what I did and what he did and that was that in the whole 2 years we have been seeing each other since our very first mishap, I have never pursued another person and the one time I kissed this guy at this party had no emotion to it whereas his situation does as he has actively pursued this chick despite us agreeing to work our stuff out. I basically saw us as being together, I thought he did too. But now he claims that we wernt in a relationship and as far as he can tell he hasnt done anything wrong. Am I the one in the wrong? Did I not have any right to be upset and ask for an explanation as to who this chick was and why he was pursuing her? At the moment it seems like things are off between us as we can't agree as to who is in the wrong, but in the end we wouldn't even be having this conversation if it didn't seem like he was trying to get with another chick. Any advice or opinions would be appriciated, but if you are just going to hurl abuse about me cheating on him to begin with then don't bother - I learnt well from that lesson, I don't need any more lectures or tutoring in that department ? I love this guy to bits and really want things to work between us, but is it even worth my time if he is pursuing other women and turning it on me? Is there any view to this that I am missing that I should be considering? Thanks in advance! -super confused x Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 No paragraphs; didn't read. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Waffles1 Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 Then why comment? It's a long story that needs the details and writing this on an iPhone when I have only just begun using this site isn't the easiest to ensure paragraphs. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Hey, I'm going to start this off by straight up admitting that at the start of my 2.5yr relationship (two weeks in), I cheated on my boyfriend with my former partner of 4yrs. We managed to get through that after abit of time apart. A year or so later we decided to move to town together and were there for 8months - I ended up calling things off when he announced that he wanted to move back to our old country town and to live with his parents to save me money (his parents are strict Christian so I am not allowed to stay at his house or anything). I didn't see how things could work after him choosing to leave, so broke it off. We started seeing each other again 10 weeks later because I also moved back to the town (couldn't adford to live in the city without him). We decided to keep seeing each other and see how things would go. he declared his love and gave the whole 'I'd do anything' speech. I believed him. Not many weeks later he asked for a break as we had been having some small arguments - he stopped talking to me and had nothing to do with me for about a week and a half. About a week later I ended up at a party where I got far too drunk and kissed a guy (I can't remember any of this but it's what apparently happened). Later into the night my ex/the guy I'm on a break with comes up to me and says it was a mistake to ask for a break and he wanted us to go back to seeing each other again and really try and work things out, that he can't be without me, he stayed the night that night and following this I assumed we were okay (despite him being abit upset that I had kissed someone). Anyway, a couple of weeks later (this happened last weekend), he went away with some friends, I didn't end up being able to see him for about a week after he went due to work/exams etc, but when I finally caught up with him I could tell something was up. Two days later I was on his phone looking through his pictures and there was a photo of a girl from facebook. I went onto his facebook to find out he had been chatting her up (in person at some hot pools) whilst away, then given her his number as they were supposed to go to a party together. She never text him that night so for four days following this, he tried finding her on fb, he eventually did and then messaged her asking why she never text. I asked him about her one morning but we didn't get the chance to discuss it as he had work. I haven't seen him since but have had two heated arguments over text with him. He has stated that he was into her, and was angry when she didn't get in touch with him. I am absolutely gutted as its obvious there were feelings involved here and I genuinely thought that him and I were going to work out stuff out together. During our argument, he has turned the whole situation on me, saying that i can't talk, that I have done much worse, to which I replied that I knew I had but we had already gone over what I had done and that this particular argument was caused by what he has done. I have tried telling him that there is a difference between what I did and what he did and that was that in the whole 2 years we have been seeing each other since our very first mishap, I have never pursued another person and the one time I kissed this guy at this party had no emotion to it whereas his situation does as he has actively pursued this chick despite us agreeing to work our stuff out. I basically saw us as being together, I thought he did too. But now he claims that we weren't in a relationship and as far as he can tell he hasnt done anything wrong. Am I the one in the wrong? Did I not have any right to be upset and ask for an explanation as to who this chick was and why he was pursuing her? At the moment it seems like things are off between us as we can't agree as to who is in the wrong, but in the end we wouldn't even be having this conversation if it didn't seem like he was trying to get with another chick. Any advice or opinions would be appreciated, but if you are just going to hurl abuse about me cheating on him to begin with then don't bother - I learnt well from that lesson, I don't need any more lectures or tutoring in that department ? I love this guy to bits and really want things to work between us, but is it even worth my time if he is pursuing other women and turning it on me? Is there any view to this that I am missing that I should be considering? Thanks in advance! -super confused x There. I fixed it for you. And will advise to stop drinking and walk away from the guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Waffles1 Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 Thank you! (: and yes, I don't drink often so was rather unaware of my limits. Lesson learnt aha Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Where is the good in this relationship? What is it that you value? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Here's what I'm hearing: You cheated on him, he forgave you. You broke up with him, he forgave you. You got back together and he was skeptical (who wouldn't be) and ended things. In the interim he tried to meet new people and you made out with new people. He wanted you back and forgave you again. Now he's fed up and gone for good. Sounds reasonable and like the right decision. Your words say one thing, but your actions say another. You sound unsure of him and he can't trust you anymore. Why bother? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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