LonelyIslandxx Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 I don't really know how to describe what I am going through, but here goes nothing... My boyfriend and I were together for four years. We have a two year old daughter together. I am 22, he is 27. Last weekend I moved into a new apartment and ended our relationship. I made him aware of my plans in February. I thought I was making the right decision. We are incompatible souls and I have always known that. I have thought about leaving him for most of our relationship. He is negative, self-centered and anti-social. He wants to stay home, watch television, and is content to sit on the sofa during his free time. I am the COMPLETE opposite. I KNOW I could be happier with someone else, but... I love him very much, and he loves me. I thought moving into my new place would make me happier, instead I have cried day and night. I feel lost without him, and YES I know that sounds pathetic. Nothing matters more to me then my family. My daughter and I have just had our world turned upside down and neither of us is happy with the change (I know she would adjust). My tired, depressed mind is screaming at me to fix this and go back to my comfortable, safe place. I feel very torn. I have a guy who loves his family, is very affectionate, faithful, and honest. He wants to work things out. He wants me to move back home. But four years of his negative, antisocial attitude has worn me down and I don't know if the good outweighs the bad. I don't even know what I'm saying since as I type I am crying away, all I do these days... Link to post Share on other sites
Cinnamonstix Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Sorry you're going through this. That makes it that much harder when you're making a decision for you and your child. I understand how important family is. I think that if you were miserable most of your relationship and are fundamentally incompatible, those things aren't going to change. Sure, people can make sacrifices for one another, but at the end of the day you should mostly want the same things in life. If he has been negative and antisocial for four years and done nothing about it, I think he is going to stay that way. You say that you know you could be happier with someone else. Trust in that. Life is too short to spend it unhappy with someone who isn't right for you. And the best gift you can give your child is to be a strong independent woman who is true to her values. Children can sense when their parents aren't happy together and this affects them deeply. They also learn to settle for less when they see your relationship as an example. So be true to yourself and set a good example of what love is and also what personal strength is. That's my two cents anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Give yourself some time to adjust to being single. You might find it's the best decision you've ever made.... you might find that it was a huge mistake and that you do truly love your ex and belong together despite your differences. Either way, I don't see you losing here, as long as your ex still wants to reconcile. You committed very young and became a mom young and missed out on some serious years of partying, exploration and independence. Give yourself some time to experience being more independent now. Whatever happens with your relationship, you're going to learn and grow from this. Link to post Share on other sites
universalangel Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 I would like to tell you, i went through something similar..My guy and i were togethert a year and he said he didnt want to commit, as he has so many other things he wanted to acheive first. I broke up with him and he became the victim. I tried to contact him, he wasnt very respoonsive at first. I decided to just leave him alone, and he came back saying he missed me very much. We havent reconciled yet, but we are working through our issues. Hang in there. Give him space. We think we dont want to be with someone, but when they leave us alone or let go, we finally feel the pain. Trust me..let him be and watch him come back to u Link to post Share on other sites
RocketQueen Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Me and my ex broke up in December (he left me), there were issues in the relationship- a lot of them down to me and I was shocked when he said he was leaving even though I was aware of the issues. He talked about reconciliation before he even left but said things couldn't go on the way they were and he was right. We both missed each other terribly. Long story short splitting up is just what I needed to give me the jolt to either address my issues or we stayed split up. Since then things have improved and I have made massive changes- went to the dr and found out one of my biggest issues was medical related and I took a long hard look at myself and saw things that I didn't like about myself and how the relationship was. We could have ran back to each other quite easily but living in the hurt of a break up has been one of the best things to happen to me. We are now talking about taking it slow and taking our relationship right back to the bare bones. Sometimes time away is just what you need to see things more clearly so don't rush back or write him off yet. Be in your own, you might be surprised at what you learn x Link to post Share on other sites
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