jjowens Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 (edited) I have been in a relationship with a woman for about 3 years, we are in our 50's. It has been rocky, as she drinks too much - causing her to lose her inhibitions. As far back as last year we went to a party, and there she had a few, flirted with her nieces boyfriend and talked to him about going skinny dipping. He is 21. She has since apologized to me. I felt disrespected and humiliated leaving me wondering " is this what she really wants?". or am I over reacting? Edited March 4, 2015 by jjowens Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I have been in a relationship with a woman for about 3 years, we are in our 50's. It has been rocky, as she drinks too much - causing her to lose her inhibitions. As far back as last year we went to a party, and there she had a few, flirted with her nieces boyfriend and talked to him about going skinny dipping. He is 21. She has since apologized to me. I felt disrespected and humiliated leaving me wondering " is this what she really wants?". or am I over reacting? what exactly is your question?. if she wants you or this 21 year old guy? either way you should rather ask yourself. is this really what i want? if you have a problem then talk to her. tell her how you feel and what you want. it is not your job to fix her problems. but maybe you can help her to fix them herself. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Alcohol makes people do stupid things. She wasn't disrespecting you so much as she may have a problem with alcohol. Her intoxicated behavior probably had very little to do with you. You simply need to figure out if you want to deal with a drunk for the rest of your life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjowens Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 Alcohol makes people do stupid things. She wasn't disrespecting you so much as she may have a problem with alcohol. Her intoxicated behavior probably had very little to do with you. You simply need to figure out if you want to deal with a drunk for the rest of your life. Both of the replies have answered the real question, and that is: do I want this kind of relationship? You took the time to help and I appreciate it. And the answer is yes, a long as it is me she wants and does not truly want a younger lover. Perhaps my view of person under the influence is wrong. I have always thought deep, deep down alcohol brings out one's true self, without their guard up. And, I in the past have seen this effect on myself. I have talked to her about it - and she has said that as a result of that she knows she need to make changes about herself. Since that talk, she has kept her eyes on me most of the time, rather than looking at other men while I speak to her. She has progressed. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Both of the replies have answered the real question, and that is: do I want this kind of relationship? You took the time to help and I appreciate it. And the answer is yes, a long as it is me she wants and does not truly want a younger lover. Perhaps my view of person under the influence is wrong. *I have always thought deep, deep down alcohol brings out one's true self, without their guard up. And, I in the past have seen this effect on myself. I have talked to her about it - and she has said that as a result of that she knows she need to make changes about herself. Since that talk, she has kept her eyes on me most of the time, rather than looking at other men while I speak to her. She has progressed. *Alcohol shuts down the higher faculties. The more a person drinks, the more shut down they become. The word to ponder is: Impaired. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I guess it depends on what you mean by what she wants. Like I know a lot of older women who have had desires for younger guys at one point or another but would never act on them. Due to the age difference, social stigma, etc etc. It was just something they couldn't get themselves comfortable with. So given a choice sober even if the 19 year old would take her I'd imagine she'd pick you. But it's probably him who really gets her loins going. =/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjowens Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 I guess it depends on what you mean by what she wants. Like I know a lot of older women who have had desires for younger guys at one point or another but would never act on them. Due to the age difference, social stigma, etc etc. It was just something they couldn't get themselves comfortable with. So given a choice sober even if the 19 year old would take her I'd imagine she'd pick you. But it's probably him who really gets her loins going. =/ Yes, you have insight and have hit some points here that ring true for me. I suppose my expectations are a bit too high. You see, if I was attracted to younger women (which I'm not) then at least I could identify. My girl then is needy, likes to be noticed, maybe getting a response from a younger dude helps her with her self - confidence. Finally, I don't consider myself with a better moral compass, it's just that younger women remind me of my daughters and therefore totally undesired. Moving forward, I'll still consider my woman on "probation" - and I truly am done with her if that kind of thing is repeated. She knows this will happen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjowens Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 *Alcohol shuts down the higher faculties. The more a person drinks, the more shut down they become. The word to ponder is: Impaired. So, if there is impairment, the actions a person takes, should they be held accountable? Just asking, because anything I've learned about women and drunkensess comes from googling. lol And therefore renders me ignorant on the subject. TY Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjowens Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 I guess it depends on what you mean by what she wants. Like I know a lot of older women who have had desires for younger guys at one point or another but would never act on them. Due to the age difference, social stigma, etc etc. It was just something they couldn't get themselves comfortable with. So given a choice sober even if the 19 year old would take her I'd imagine she'd pick you. But it's probably him who really gets her loins going. =/ I'd also like to hear the thoughts of a female if possible, then I can gain some more insight. Ladies? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Speaking as a female (last I checked), I would say the issue of her wanting a *younger* man is a non-issue. Of course it's inappropriate to flirt with your niece's boyfriend.... uggghhhhh! Mortifying, whether he's younger, older, same age.... whatever! The issue it seems to me is that, when her inhibitions are loosened, she's looking at other guys and flirting with them. Ewwww. If that's what she does in front of you -- and her niece -- to someone who's clearly inappropriate and unattainable -- I'm wondering what she does when you're not around? What about online? I'm guessing it's not just younger guys she's interested in. Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Both of the replies have answered the real question, and that is: do I want this kind of relationship? You took the time to help and I appreciate it. And the answer is yes, a long as it is me she wants and does not truly want a younger lover. Perhaps my view of person under the influence is wrong. I have always thought deep, deep down alcohol brings out one's true self, without their guard up. And, I in the past have seen this effect on myself. I have talked to her about it - and she has said that as a result of that she knows she need to make changes about herself. Since that talk, she has kept her eyes on me most of the time, rather than looking at other men while I speak to her. She has progressed. sometimes it does bring out a person onces true self. sometimes it just shows a bad side of yourself cause you are unhappy with something else. personally ive said or done stupid things when ive been drunk but when i woke up i know i was just drunk and what i said or did had nothing to do with how i felt when i was sober. just be aware that people dont change during a day. if you talk to her she will probably listen because she care, but it doesnt mean she wont change again. so let what she wants come naturally and dont try to make her change, you shouldnt have to tell her one more time. what i mean by this is that if you want to make it work you have to forgive and not think about the past. you need to enjoy your life and not be worried. if you feel that you are or if she change then maybe you should consider seeking help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjowens Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 Speaking as a female (last I checked), I would say the issue of her wanting a *younger* man is a non-issue. Of course it's inappropriate to flirt with your niece's boyfriend.... uggghhhhh! Mortifying, whether he's younger, older, same age.... whatever! The issue it seems to me is that, when her inhibitions are loosened, she's looking at other guys and flirting with them. Ewwww. If that's what she does in front of you -- and her niece -- to someone who's clearly inappropriate and unattainable -- I'm wondering what she does when you're not around? What about online? I'm guessing it's not just younger guys she's interested in. Well TY to all and Ruby, I'd also have to be honest and say I wish I were able to give her a taste of her own medicine. Link to post Share on other sites
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