doktorkult Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Hi everyone and sorry for the long post, Me and my exGF dated for about 1.5yrs. Of course the beginning was wonderful with the usual "butterflies in the stomach" feeling. After the first 8 months she started to complain about me not taking care of her, of being into routine and not sharine exciting things anymore and I must say it was true in part. I have clinical depression and I sometimes forget to take my pills and it certainly was a factor in the things that happened afterwards. Everytime we had this conversation she would almost inmediately start to cry and it destroyed me. It made me feel like the worst SOB in the whole world. I have never seen a woman cry so much and I felt guilty every single time. I remember that after one our fights we went sleep and just before she turned off the lights she asked me if I thought she manipulated me. Of course I said no but by then the idea that something was wrong sank in me. We had this kind of fights many times and we swept all that **** under the rug instead of actually having a mature conversation about our feelings. It amazes me how difficult was trying to talk to her. I am aware of my mistakes but I see myself as always trying to fix things up and always look to the good things that outweight the bad in a person. We grew more distant until two months ago she broke up with me. I saw it coming though. Our emotional distance was big and apparently I could not save the relationship. We work together in a hospital and inmediately after a grueling 24hrs shift we met for coffee in what was supposed to be a relaxing encounter she dropped the bomb. I took it hard but told her about my other issues that were holding me back (I am a new immigrant without much social networks/support). In the end I told her that I knew that I had many problemas but that I also had many good things to offer and I hoped to share them with her. Of course it did not made any difference. I asked her if it was final and her reply was the classic "you know how this things work I may change my mind but we should not be in touch". After lurking around LS that very same day I established full NC until after christmas when we I asked her to meet to exchange stuff. It was short and to the point. She look dazed and hurt as if I was the dumper. She almost took a wrong train home and forgot to say goodbye. 10 minutes after she called me saying how affected she was and that she was confused because apparently she saw me at the metro the day before and I did not greet her (I did not saw her BTW) and how abrupt it was. I told her I would never ignore her and that I always be civil towards her. She closed with a "I guess i`ll see ya around". Fastforward to a week ago a friend of mine tells me she is with a new guy (dont know if just hooking up or dating). So now I am really devastated and obsessed analizing the final moments and every single word. Sometimes I think that if I fought harder maybe I could have convinced her. I even thought about breaking NC but I am still standing. To make things worse I constantly bump into her friends at the hospital and a couple of the them give me disdainful look as if I was a terrible person. I feel lost and don`t know what to do... Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 She's your ex. It's totally over. You carry on with NC. Where's the confusion...? Link to post Share on other sites
Author doktorkult Posted January 28, 2015 Author Share Posted January 28, 2015 Thanks for the brutally honest answer. The thing is I think I was "ready" for the break up maybe not for the fact that she is with someone new. Since we BU I have this inner struggle between reason and emotion. My most rational self knows it was for the best and that in time even I would have called the whole relationship off but as I said earlier I always make the good things in ppl overshadow the bad. Maybe tend to i idealize my SO. On the other hand my emotional side clings to the idea that there was a way to save the relationship. I was starting to feel better regarding my other issues and I know that I pushed her away with lots of my actions but I was open to get a real first honest discussion. That bothers me. The fact that I feel like we never had a good 3-4hrs truly private conversation without any blame game around. I also think that I left so many things left untold, so much stuff I just buried inside me to try to protect the relationship. We we had those nasty arguments and she cryed and complain i felt so damaged. I felt fury in her words. She never knew I went to my place to cry alone. And that is how this toxic dynamic began. Do not get me wrong I will continue to keep NC forever. It is just that sometimes I feel I did not have a fair chance. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 (edited) Best thing you can do right now is stay NC and look back and see what issues you need to work and do just that. work on making yourself the best partner you can for your next relationship and learn from this one. i also told myself I didn't get a fair chance, but the fact is that we have our chance when we are in the relationship. Sometimes though, no matter what we would have done, it still wouldn't have worked. Sometimes two people are just not compatible for the long run and it's as simple as that. Edited January 28, 2015 by dumbass2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts