Do I stand a chance?

[sfbvarela]

Today is day 2 of NC. We broke up but someone is courting her right away. She had fallen out of love before the relationship ended. But she is still very kind to me and even said she wanted to stay friends. But I had to go NC for my own good. Im going to continue NC but i was wondering if I still have a chance of getting her back. I know that to get an ex back it should always start with NC. But I dont know about this one. Is it even rebound when she had fallen out of love even before we ended? We were together for 3 years.

[sfbvarela]

I really need help. For the full details of our relationship and what kind of guy she is dating please refer ro my previous thread

[evanescentworld]

You need to let this go, forget all notions of getting her back and focus on yourself.

Only by being totally absent to her, could she ever consider bringing you into her 'present'.

 

And get used to the fact she probably won't want that.

 

Stay No Contact, and look to yourself.

 

Really, if you'll pardon me for saying so, you sound pitiful and weak, and no woman would ever give those qualities a second thought or glance.....

[Light Breeze]

I remember your thread.

 

This new guy, the player, he's probably giving her the butterflies right now, of course, you don't stand a chance. Who would? If she's fallen out of love with you, chances are she felt that way long before your break up. She was over you before she even dropped the hammer and this dude will feel like a breath of fresh air, exciting and new.

 

She's young and as I understand a freshman in college? She would want to spread her wings and explore her options. Believe me you'd be the plan B... Or C.. Or D... You don't want that to happen

 

It would be best to heal and move on.

[Satu]

In this situation healing depends on accepting reality as it is.

 

The reality is that she doesn't want to be with you.

 

Keeping that little flame of false hope burning just prolongs the agony.

 

Focus on your own wellbeing.

[sfbvarela]

I know I'll move on in time. But I was just wondering if the guy's a rebound or not. I mean, if she had fallen out of love already does that automatically mean she has moved on already? Man day 2 freakin sucks. Feels like forever.

[Light Breeze]

I know I'll move on in time. But I was just wondering if the guy's a rebound or not. I mean, if she had fallen out of love already does that automatically mean she has moved on already? Man day 2 freakin sucks. Feels like forever.

 

 

Probably or probably not, no sure way of telling. But, the more important thing though, is that, rebound or not she chose not to be with you. It's irrelevant if this dude is a rebound or not, the fact is, she doesn't want to be with you. if she did, she wouldn't have broken up with you.

[sfbvarela]

I guess that's the cold hard truth. Life sucks

[Satu]

I guess that's the cold hard truth. Life sucks

 

Only until you move on.

 

After that its all interesting possibilities.

 

How long it takes depends on the person and what happened.

 

You'll get your sparkle back.

[toffeecream77]

 

Really, if you'll pardon me for saying so, you sound pitiful and weak, and no woman would ever give those qualities a second thought or glance.....

 

Sorry to sound harsh, but what a horrible thing to say. And untrue.

[evanescentworld]

No, I don't think so.

Sadly, the one thing those with a broken heart have to do, as part of a self-preservation strategy is toughen up, even if it's 'fake it until you make it'.

 

When a woman dumps a guy, she often does so by becoming a lot harder than she needs to be.

It's not a commendable quality, and I wish, as a woman, we didn't tend to do such things, in that way.

Not all women do it, but there are multitudinous threads on here form men proclaiming their ex's cruelty and mean streaks. And it's a complete surprise to them....

 

But by hardening up a woman also develops scorn and disdain. Again, really not nice qualities and a poor let-down to their gender.

Sadly, the antidote to that attitude is for a guy to be stronger than perhaps he feel like being.

He may not feel capable, but again, loads of guys admit that the tactics resorted to (I begged, pleaded, I sent her loads of texts, basically I crawled) were a big mistake.

 

And they are.

 

There are times when a softer side of men, is endearing, attractive and even extremely sexy.

 

This is not one of those times.

[AlexfromBoston]

Today is day 2 of NC. We broke up but someone is courting her right away. She had fallen out of love before the relationship ended. But she is still very kind to me and even said she wanted to stay friends. But I had to go NC for my own good. Im going to continue NC but i was wondering if I still have a chance of getting her back. I know that to get an ex back it should always start with NC. But I dont know about this one. Is it even rebound when she had fallen out of love even before we ended? We were together for 3 years.

 

Ill play the devils advocate in this thread and give you a little bit of advice as to how you can get your ex back. First off, why is it that she suddenly fell out of love with you? Were you too boring? Too predictable? Too clingy and needy? My guess is all of the above...and I am sure you gave her too much "freedom", allowing her to meet this other guy behind your back. You see, she didn't just fall out of love with you, she fell "in like" with somebody that she met behind your back. You are not going to want to hear this, but your ex met this guy while you were still dating her. A woman does not just meet someone new immediately following a breakup. But regardless, only you can determine what might have caused your falling out.

 

Now, upon reflecting on what went wrong in your relationship, you need to make the conscious effort to improve your situation. What was it that attracted her in the first place? Because you are going to have to revert back to your old self if you want any shot of attracting your ex again. Now, since you have already engaged in NC you might as well continue on this path. So you were officially NC since the 24th..correct? Now, I want you to plan to remain in NC mode until the 21st of Feb. I know it sounds hard, but you need to stick to your guns. If you are a drunk dialer, immediately delete your exes number from your phone. If you have her number memorized, delete her number anyways...trust me, your memory will fade when you are three sheets to the wind. Also, remove your ex from all forms of social media(don't block her) and delete any pictures of her that might be readily available to you. If you want to keep said photos, put them on a USB card/s and set that thing aside. You basically want to cut your ex out from your life.

 

From this point on, you are going to want to hit the gym hard, improve your diet and personal hygiene regimen, cut back on the drinking and completely stop the use of any illicit substance(if this applies). If need be, now is the perfect time to seek treatment and employ the aid of a therapist. Now, while you are working on yourself, you are going to want to get in touch with all your single friends and start hanging out with them. Go to bars, clubs, functions and start talking to other women. You may struggle at first, but eventually you are going to start building up your confidence and self-esteem(I'm sure its shot to sh*t right now). Start having fun, reconnect with old buddies and enjoy the single life. Your girl didn't dump you, she gave you a hall pass...a green light to have fun and meet other women. Anyways, come the 21st, you are going to be permitted to break NC with her right? Well not so fast, the 21st is going to fall on a Saturday and id be damned if I'm gonna spend my Saturday sulking about the ex...right? You're going to want to stay busy on the 21st, maybe make some plans during the day with your buddies or family and at night, you're gonna want to be out, meeting new women that may have a greater appreciation for you. After all, you have been working hard to improve for a month, why on Earth would you want to return to the same old, unappreciative watering hole?

 

Now, if you don't end up texting the ex on the 21st, good job, but you blew it. Tell yourself, you will not be permitted to talk to her until at least the 7th of March...another Saturday. And once again, you are going to want to stay busy on this date as well. And so the process continues...you see, by providing yourself with a modicum false hope, you are actually helping yourself during the crucial coping phase. Now, if your ex happens to contact you in the interim(which she will), you are going to have to be brief, albeit cordial....but BRIEF. Make it seem as though you are busy with other plans and terminate all contact with her first...don't let her be the one to say bye first. If you are a social media hound, upload pics of you and your buddies having fun, talking to girls etc. But you are going to want to improve your appearance before you attempt this(if this applies). If you really feel as though you want to break contact on the 21st, then do it, but proceed with caution. A simple, "Hey [her name], how have you been?" will suffice. If she doesn't respond, then make that your LAST attempt to contact her. Chances are she will and you are going to want to make it seems as though you have been having a blast. Once again, don't jump to her texts and for goodness sakes PLAY IT COOL. DO NOT incorporate any emotional nonsense into your brief chats. I suspect you may have turned her off with your neediness and clinginess so you are going to want to reverse that damage by being a cool, calm, and a calculated "player". If she decides she wants to meet up(don't you suggest it), go ahead and meet her and appear happy and confident. Also, appear slightly distracted as if you have a better option waiting for your call. A good method would be to periodically check your phone in her company. Don't be too abrasive with this tactic, but employee it politely and at varying stages of this "date". Also, another underhanded tactic would be to approach a waitress(for instance) and offer her 20 bucks to approach your girlfriend while you are at the bathroom and say, "hey, you guys make a great couple" or "you're such a lucky girl, all the girls here think your boyfriend is so hot, i just had to tell you that". A little maneuver like this will completely elevate your status with your ex and make it seem like you're a hot commodity. You see, human nature dictates that we typically want what we can't have. So in elevating your self-worth, your girlfriend is going to start thinking, "geez, what the hell did I do". Remember, if you are over-weight with bad skin, you are going to need to rectify this problem before you attempt this maneuver. But remember to play it cool and don't immediately jump at the chance for a second date(if this applies). You are going to want to negotiate this second date on your terms...ie you decide the place, time, etc. And during these dates, you need to be confident and you need to revert back to the version of you that landed this girl in the first place. Who know, you might meet a better girl in the interim. Let me know how this goes. If you have any other questions feel free to ask. I am no professional on this matter but I typically have a lot of success with women and 100% of my exes have come crawling back after a period of NC. I have always loosely followed these basic rules and I have always found great success.

[sfbvarela]

@AlexfromBoston what a very detailed gameplan. Im not saying i. Totally shutting down the advice of others but this really seems like it could work. And from what i read in other sites if ever i am successful in being in touch with her again (which is likely to happen if ever i atempt) it could make friction between them. Im not saying im there to destroy them. I just know theyre gonna end up that way anyway because of this guy. He is a douche player.

 

To answer your question, in fact i was the exact opposite of needy. I was too comfortable and relaxed in our relationship that i seem to have forgotten her. This was because i already knew her too much. We were so comfortable with each other.

 

i have a question though. I didnt get the part about march 7. How was i going to get to march 7? Thanks.

[AlexfromBoston]

@AlexfromBoston what a very detailed gameplan. Im not saying i. Totally shutting down the advice of others but this really seems like it could work. And from what i read in other sites if ever i am successful in being in touch with her again (which is likely to happen if ever i atempt) it could make friction between them. Im not saying im there to destroy them. I just know theyre gonna end up that way anyway because of this guy. He is a douche player.

 

To answer your question, in fact i was the exact opposite of needy. I was too comfortable and relaxed in our relationship that i seem to have forgotten her. This was because i already knew her too much. We were so comfortable with each other.

 

i have a question though. I didnt get the part about march 7. How was i going to get to march 7? Thanks.

 

SB, sorry for making assumptions about your relationship, I just didn't really have a jumping off point...so-to-speak. Basically, March 7th will be the second chance you will allow yourself to break NC. You see, you have to start small and achieve small goals. So if neither roof you break NC on the 21st, then you will say to yourself, "SB, i blew my chance to call her yesterday, now I have to commit to waiting for the 7th". Does that make sense? Essentially you are giving yourself a modicum of false hope, until eventually you either break NC or just lose the desire to all together. My advice would be to move on, but I understand and sympathize with your predicament and for that reason, I can try to help get her back. Once again, I am no self-proclaimed guru, but I have always had success with women and I always get my girl back. The only way to achieve this is by maintaining your cool and giving her some space to think.

 

Now, she is currently "dating" someone, as you have stated. This isn't a deal breaker by any means, in fact, it could be good for you in the long run. I would wager a bet that your relationship, in her mind, became stale and cold. Am I right? Well what does any women do that doesn't receive the affection they so often crave? They move onto a man who can provide what you have failed to give her. But, unless they have past history, there really isn't much this guy can do to alleviate the need for the connection that you and her undoubtably shared. Look at it like this: your ex was missing a key component in your relationship. She started searching for someone who could fill that void and she found him. Now that man is filling that void; however, after the honeymoon phase passes, she is going to experience another void...a void which is far more powerful. That void is her connection to you, so when the dust settles, she's going to start craving that connection that you and her shared. So in summation, you're her heroin dealer and right now she moved on to crack cocaine. She wants to abuse both but you, the heroin dealer, decide to stop selling to her unless she stops doing crack. Well, she has a history with heroin, she loves it and has been doing it far longer than crack. So what does she do? She stops doing crack and goes right back to old faithful, her heroin. Crude comparison, I know, but are you tracking me here?

 

You need to disappear for at least 3 weeks. If she tries to contact you, you will need to be brief, but confident. Now, if you really want to get her back, you are essentially going to want to drive a wedge in between your ex and her new man. Now, in a civilized society you can't just kick his ass and reclaim your girl, you need to employ some psychological warfare. After you disappear, she will start to feel the need to connect with you in some way. If you are emotionally stable, you could be her shoulder to cry on and offer the support that her new man is neglecting. You slowly insert yourself into the friendship phase and maintain contact on a minimal basis(or LC). If the new man finds out she is messaging you(which he prob will) there will be some serious discord in their relationship. This will cause problems and tension...and guess who she is going to turn to for advice? Old faithful(you). And you will be there to comfort her and provide said support because why? Because you are the bigger man. Eventually, if you play it cool, she's going to want to see you and perhaps vent on some issues. At this point you will see the tides change and you will be back in control. But remember, the key isn't to go running back to her, its to get her running back to you. So its of the utmost importance that you start working on yourself and start meeting new women.

[sfbvarela]

@AlexfromBoston Damn. You got everything right. Seems like you really know what I'm through haha. My only concern is how do I slowly get back into her life? How do I start breaking NC?

 

And in 3 weeks NC, she's probably still in the honeymoon phase right? Im afraid that it might be too early that they are still in honeymoon phase, or it may be too late that I cant get her back completely.

 

I've started going out, working out, and generally improving myself lately. It really helps me forget her temporarily.

 

Please read my previous thread bro so that you know more details so you can help me out even more. Thanks A LOT!!

[sfbvarela]

Oh and it's her birthday today and I did not contact her(really hard thing to do but i did it) and its my birthday on march 5, if that helps.

[AlexfromBoston]

Sf, I just read your original thread and it truly seems like your relationship "ran it's course". You have both been together since high school and the fact of the matter is, HS crushes usually never work out long term. Once you graduate, most men or women have this burning desire to meet other people and explore the world so-to-speak. Essentially, graduating HS is the first true step towards adulthood. In many case, HS crushes reunite after college after both parties had some experience with other men or women. You see, your ex became tired and bored of your relationship and wanted to see what else was out there in the world. Unfortunately 9 times out of 10, they go for someone who is the complete opposite of yourself...in this case, the "cool guy".

 

This doesn't mean your relationship is dead in the water however. Your ex is probably just experimenting a bit and wanted to take a chance on a guy who is regarded as wild, cool, etc. Usually, such experiments reaffirm the inevitable, that your ex is more attracted to the quiet, laid-back, down-to-earth guy. In this case, thats you. So its of the utmost importance to give her a break and let her explore the world for a brief period of time. Like I said, give it at least 3 weeks...although personally, I wouldn't even attempt to text her until March.

 

As hard as it may be, you really need to let your ex realize that this new guy is just not for her...or not her type. In the meantime, you need to pick yourself up and start meeting other women. If she contacts you in the meantime, feel free to respond, but be polite and brief. If you really feel as though you want her back, and 3 weeks + has passed, then shoot her a casual text. If she doesn't respond, then delete her out of your life completely. If she does, play it cool and chat it up on a limited basis. Remember, its crucial at this stage to have her chase you. You don't want to be the guy to ask her on a date...rather, you want her to suggest it. But as of now, give her space. I am sure that she will soon realize that this guy is just not for her. Typically, the "cool guy" is quickly discovered to be a lying, cheating, manipulative dbag...and from the sounds of it, your ex has no experience with those type of men. Usually the girls who chase those types are vapid, shallow and have a history of chasing the "bad guy". In your case, you are in luck, as it doesn't sound like your ex is attracted to those types on the norm. Let her play with fire and when she gets burned(and she will) she is going to come running back to you for a bandage. Now, its up to you if you want to be there for her or not. As it sounds like you want her back, I would suggest that you be there for her. Oh and FYI, DO NOT listen to any of the advice on sites like Bodybuilding forums. It is very obvious that 99.9% of the guys on there are virgins with absolutely ZERO dating experience.

[sfbvarela]

Thank you Alex. I have just on last question. What should be my specific game plan? Plan A and plan B? What should i text if ever i decide to text her? How do i slowly build up the attraction from scratch?

[tikay00]

Is anyone getting any infomercial vibes from this thread?

 

Dude, Alex is right in doing NC, but besides that, do the exact opposite of what Alex is telling you. TRUST ME. ANY form of contact with your ex will dry her vagina up quicker than sand. Sorry for being so graphic.

 

Every second, minute, hour, day, week, month of NC will give her the opposite effect, IF, you meant anything to her, and IF, she really did love you.

 

And being in contact with your ex while she's in her new relationship is the biggest no no of them all. Oh, that's a big no no.

 

And yes, NC, isn't meant for the purpose of your ex coming back, and it's for your own well being, but since you're so dead set on her coming back, NC is the only way my friend. Nothing in life that's worth it, is easy. But honestly, you have to actually move on during this NC time, otherwise you're still the same dude that's been waiting on her. No one wants that.

Edited January 27, 2015 by tikay00

[SycamoreCircle]

Yeah, the infomercial is in full effect.

 

But that's not all, if you

 

-Lift weights

-Stop drinking

-Learn Chinese

-Do an amazing MyCocaine impersonation

 

For the low price of only 19.95, you may have a dying ember's chance of being with your ex again!

 

It's over, man. Women, or should I say girls, rarely come back. You may have done something that caused her to lose interest in you. You may have not. A lot of this is being young, not knowing yourself, being selfish, being immature.

 

Just be you. If you want rock hard abs, get rock hard abs. Stay NC. Avoid her at all costs if she tries to contact you. Grieve. Heal. Move on. It's just part of life.

[AlexfromBoston]

Thank you Alex. I have just on last question. What should be my specific game plan? Plan A and plan B? What should i text if ever i decide to text her? How do i slowly build up the attraction from scratch?

 

Tikay does have a solid point. My honest advice would be to forget her and move on. However, if you are absolutely determined to at least make an attempt to get her back, its very possible...perhaps even plausible. If you are dead set on texting her, then you are going to want to wait 3+ weeks. AS stated, you need to start enjoying yourself in the interim. If you spend these 3+ weeks sulking at home, you are going to screw up and convey a pathetic, lonely vibe to your ex. This would be detrimental to your plan. So instead, you're going to start having fun and reclaim your life...your freedom. Heck, you might even enjoy it and say, "screw my ex". If not, then you are going to want to wait until you have at least calmed down a bit.

 

3 weeks is just a guesstimate, but even that might not be enough time. If she doesn't contact then just break the ice with a simple, "Hey stranger, how have you been" text. I personally would do this on a Sunday, as my ex is always home on Sundays after church. Also, Sundays were a day that me and her would always spend together; therefore, I knew my simple text would trigger the greatest response. And should she text you back, just be casual with it and end it with, "well, I'm heading out, I just wanted to see how you were doing...don't be a stranger, we will always be friends". Now the ball is in her court. You bit the bullet and established a connection, if she doesn't respond then I would personally end it there. You can't make her fall in love with you and there is no guarantee method in getting your ex back. A lot of these gurus claim they have "100% proven" methods. This is all false BS. These shysters are just taking advantage of heartsick individuals for their own benefit. Its akin to these stupid "get rich quick" schemes. You just have to be casual with it. After you break the ice, there is a strong chance that she will want to pursue this friendship. Take advantage of that as you are now permitted to assert yourself back into her life. I also like to make simple little comments that I would have made to her when we were together...caring comments such as, "Well Adriana, I am heading out. Hey we are suppose to get a massive snowstorm tonight so please don't head to the gym. I know how stubborn you are. You look perfeito, you can skip the gym for a night. Bjos e abracos...tchau tchau". That would literally be a text that I would send had me and my ex been talking at this moment. You see, this text, in a way, triggers some memories...as my ex was a gym hound and would be crazy enough to venture out in this snowstorm we are experiencing. The little Portuguese phrases will also trigger some additional emotions, as they are phrases we would use all the time. Traditionally this has always worked for me.

[tikay00]

Yeah, the infomercial is in full effect.

 

But that's not all, if you

 

-Lift weights

-Stop drinking

-Learn Chinese

-Do an amazing MyCocaine impersonation

 

For the low price of only 19.95, you may have a dying ember's chance of being with your ex again!

 

It's over, man. Women, or should I say girls, rarely come back. You may have done something that caused her to lose interest in you. You may have not. A lot of this is being young, not knowing yourself, being selfish, being immature.

 

Just be you. If you want rock hard abs, get rock hard abs. Stay NC. Avoid her at all costs if she tries to contact you. Grieve. Heal. Move on. It's just part of life.

 

Oh they come back, but they don't really "come back", so in essence, you're absolutely correct.

 

At most you'll get a FWB situation, then get left in the dust once she meets her new Romeo. Now, if you get to the FWB stage, don't get attached. But since you're on this site, you're probably pining over "that one chick". Every dude has that one chick. The one where you'll always have emotions for, as long as your in contact with her. Best not to even entertain her at all. Move on, and live a fruitful life.

 

Hell, in a year from now, you might be on Miami beach, checking out a bunch of cute chicks, and having the time of your life. You'll be in your hotel room, and randomly thinking about that one time you wished to God, your ex came back. That's when you start laughing your ass off.

[AlexfromBoston]

Yeah, the infomercial is in full effect.

 

But that's not all, if you

 

-Lift weights

-Stop drinking

-Learn Chinese

-Do an amazing MyCocaine impersonation

 

For the low price of only 19.95, you may have a dying ember's chance of being with your ex again!

 

It's over, man. Women, or should I say girls, rarely come back. You may have done something that caused her to lose interest in you. You may have not. A lot of this is being young, not knowing yourself, being selfish, being immature.

 

Just be you. If you want rock hard abs, get rock hard abs. Stay NC. Avoid her at all costs if she tries to contact you. Grieve. Heal. Move on. It's just part of life.

 

Hahah, I am coming across as a sleaze, I admit, but I am doing it for the right reasons. There is no doubt in my mind that he is going to contact her anyways, so might as well do it right. I can honestly say, I have had all my exes come back. Ive seen a lot of my friends lose relationships because....ta da, everything got stale and stagnant. The men started to get comfortable and let their image slip and their exes did what many women do, they went out and found someone that they were more sexually attracted to. Aside from being beneficial to one's health, working out and eating clean will help a whole lot more in the dating world then sitting at home, sulking and writing poetry.

[tikay00]

Hahah, I am coming across as a sleaze, I admit, but I am doing it for the right reasons. There is no doubt in my mind that he is going to contact her anyways, so might as well do it right. I can honestly say, I have had all my exes come back. Ive seen a lot of my friends lose relationships because....ta da, everything got stale and stagnant. The men started to get comfortable and let their image slip and their exes did what many women do, they went out and found someone that they were more sexually attracted to. Aside from being beneficial to one's health, working out and eating clean will help a whole lot more in the dating world then sitting at home, sulking and writing poetry.

 

They always come back, but they don't really, "come back". You know what I mean.

[AlexfromBoston]

They always come back, but they don't really, "come back". You know what I mean.

 

100% right. They come back twice as dodgy and even less committed to any chance of reconciliation. Essentially they are addicted to their drug(sfb) and come back for seconds. They don't want to, but they do.