Can't Seem to Let It All Go

[I'mBatman]

So around Christmas time i got back with my ex after she begged etc. She had cheated with some guy for a month and broke it of with both me and him in late October. I drunk called her for sex(and to see her) maybe early december and the next couple days we hung out and reminisced before she finally said how dumb she was etc. The whole i didn't realize what i had story we all here know too well.

 

So over the next few weeks I and the relationship was a total roller coaster. One day I would be happy others i would be sad and others extremely frustrated and angry. Some days all of these. The problem is i have an extraordinary memory. I have cruised through college with a summa cum lade GPA with little effort. But this memory has also cursed me with vivid movies that constantly play through my head. Movies of everything she did with him. I can't cuddle, kiss, stay in her room/bed, even ride in her car without becoming angry/sad because all i do is imagine her doing it with him. When im not with her the movies pop up randomly while i am in class or any inopportune time. Shes done so much to try and help me. Shes told me how stupid she was. She said that i should dump her and move on because i deserve better. She went as far as to actually break up with me and told me what she was doing to me wasn't fair. We would usually break down and get back together after a couple days.

 

We've talked about what we did wrong in the past and why the cheating happened. I showed her a GIGS article and she shat a brick saying how that EXACTLY what happened. Except fortunately it never made it to the being with a bunch of guys and coming back after i moved on etc.

 

I'm not going to explain why I want to be with her but i am a very logical person and believe my case is strong. Also she seems to not fit the once a cheat always a cheater using me as a safety net story. Ive made her do a lot of things to prove this to me. To be honest she has worked her butt off to prove to me this isn't true. She is totally transparent with me and constantly tells me where she is etc. She has given me all her passwords and says she wants me to track her phone. Both of which i refuse to really do but just the fact that she will let me.

 

So wanting to be with her and her doing things to help us get past it are no issue here. It is simply my inability to stop thinking about them together. I also have a lot of hatred towards her. Thoughts like "how could you do this to me." "How could you fantasize about being with him while we had sex." constantly come up. I cant seem to forgive what she has done to me.

 

Whats your advice for both of these? Anyone have experience working past this. Id rather not take time away from her as im still just as angry when i'm not with her. Also her birthday is in a couple weeks so I would prefer to be there for that.

Edited January 23, 2015 by I'mBatman

[The Poster]

You were apart for 6 weeks, that's not nearly enough time to heal and fix your personal lives before trying again. Everything is still too fresh and that's why you are struggling and have so much bitterness. If this is ever going to work you both need more time away from each other, and being able to forgive her and leave the past in the past is critical.

 

I got back with an ex after about 2 months and the same problems we had starting happening within two weeks because there simply wasn't enough time apart to see things clearly and fix what needed to be fixed.

 

Reconciliation isn't impossible by any stretch, but there needs to be time away from each other and healing done first.

[AlexfromBoston]

Buddy, embrace this break now and have some fun before you even think of getting back together. I see far too many guys get all emotional over a breakup and completely lose sight of the big picture...YOU ARE ON A BREAK!!! She's essentially, albeit indirectly, giving you a "hall pass" to go out and do whatever you want with whomever you want. You can hit the bars, clubs etc with your buddies, meet new girls and enjoy life. And just know, that in due time, she WILL contact you and chances are she WILL express an inkling of a desire to meet for coffee, drinks, whatever. Its like clockwork. Women can terminate emotions rather quickly, yet, in the long run, they can't seem to shake them. Ive been on a "break" since November and after the 3 week mark, my ex would constantly hit me up to see how I was doing, etc etc. Unfortunately for her, I was having too much fun and sort of brushed her off. I mean, here I am with my single buddies, out having a few beers and I did not have to check my phone once for an "ETA home" or a "where are you, I called 4 times". Its liberating. In the interim, I actually met a beautiful girl and we both sort of clicked. I don't know where this will lead but its nice to know I have options. And you will appreciate it too man...just relax and step outside of your comfort bubble. Unfortunately, last night, me and my ex had a huge blowout over the phone to the point where she absolutely hates me. But guess what, in a month or so she'll start texting to see how things are...and if not, I could care less. Im having fun.

[I'mBatman]

I told her this morning i agreed that we should take some time apart because I need time to heal myself before we try and heal any sort of relationship.

 

She has basically said I can do what I want. I asked if she thought it was ok if i talked to other girls and she said yes as it might help me. Personally im not really interested in other girls at this time. This girl is a dime and 99% of girls don't even compare. But that's not to say I wont go out and have some fun around attractive girls maybe share a drink or two with them etc.

 

My biggest concern is getting these movies out of my head. I did really well today as i don't actually remember thinking about it once. Not sure the best way to go about getting them out of my head.

 

Right now my phone background is of us from a few nights ago at a party. I'm not sure if it is good or not to be reminded of us multiple times a day in a positive way.

[AlexfromBoston]

I told her this morning i agreed that we should take some time apart because I need time to heal myself before we try and heal any sort of relationship.

 

She has basically said I can do what I want. I asked if she thought it was ok if i talked to other girls and she said yes as it might help me. Personally im not really interested in other girls at this time. This girl is a dime and 99% of girls don't even compare. But that's not to say I wont go out and have some fun around attractive girls maybe share a drink or two with them etc.

 

My biggest concern is getting these movies out of my head. I did really well today as i don't actually remember thinking about it once. Not sure the best way to go about getting them out of my head.

 

Right now my phone background is of us from a few nights ago at a party. I'm not sure if it is good or not to be reminded of us multiple times a day in a positive way.

 

You need to delete that wallpaper and remove all of the pictures of her from your phone. If need be, move all your pictures to a USB drive. I know you think she is a dime, but in fact, she isn't. Hey, she might be a great girl, but there are plenty of girls that will easily match up. Its just a matter of meeting one that can alleviate the pain. You have your blinders on now but eventually, in due time, you will see things with far more clarity. I would bet that she will call you in the near future. Just play it cool in the meantime.