What are the odds of him being interested again?

[Gpc2013]

I posted about this YEARS (yes, years) ago, and now I'm back. I'm going to try to be as brief as possible.

 

Basically, I met this man...gosh...18 years ago? We hit it off pretty well, but I was just out of a three-year, live-in relationship, and he had never really dated, so things moved slowly, and I backed away because I just wasn't ready. Several years later, he married, they had two kids, and they stayed married for about 10 years. A couple years ago, they separated (she was having an affair, and is now remarried to that person). He and I reconnected (I literally had seen him maybe three times in 10 years), and he pursued me intensely.

 

Now, since the years had passed after he and I first met, I had always regretted letting him go, and so his separation was...music to my ears. Foolishly, I let him pursue me, disregarding the whole "rebound" issue and many warnings from those who knew I was playing with fire. I guess I was bound and determined not to lose him again.

 

Of course, about three months in, he suddenly freaks out (it was a messy, messy separation and divorce process), pulls away, and claims he'll never have feelings for anyone ever again. He said (most likely to ease the blow), that IF he ever decided to be with anyone, he wanted it to be me, but he just didn't think that would ever happen.

 

I tried to remain friendly with him (we have mutual friends, and were attending the same church), but he literally would not look at me or speak to me, or (if he could help it) be anywhere NEAR me. He knew I still had feelings, and I guess he was doing his best to make a clean break.

 

Eventually I backed away, stopped going to that church, hung out less with those mutual friends, and moved on with life. His divorce became final, his ex-wife got remarried, and I never heard a peep. I figured that was that. He dated another woman for a few months right after his ex-wife got married, but ended that pretty much exactly as he ended our relationship. (My best friend is his sister-in-law, so she tells me everything).

 

Currently, he's "talking to" one or two women, but doesn't seem particularly serious about them. My friend says he's just lonely and he goes through spells with seeking attention from women, but he told her that he doesn't think he could ever make anyone happy.

 

Last weekend I saw him for the first time since he began really shunning me (at least a year has passed since I last laid eyes on him). I went to church with my friend, and he was there. He made an effort to come over and shake my hand and say "hello" during the meet-n-greet time, which was something he NEVER would do when we stopped seeing each other. Later, we were at a Christmas parade and he while he wasn't exactly bowling me over with friendliness, he was at least relaxed and happy in my company. Or as my friend put it, "Apparently you don't have the plague anymore!" LOL!

 

I guess he's figured enough time has passed that I'm over him. And in many respects I am. But truthfully, I would be all for trying again if he was. I've always felt that he really DOES like me quite a bit, but circumstances have just never been right for the two of us. We may have ruined any chance with the rebound relationship, but I still hold onto a shred of hope that maybe something might spark again between us.

 

Thoughts?

Edited December 13, 2014 by Gpc2013

[Smarter Love]

Hi Gpc,

 

Your chances don't sound bad at all!

 

I don't think the length of time really matters, as long as you both have some positive feelings towards one another.

 

If you're looking at re-kindling a spark, take it slowly. Get to know each other as acquaintances/friends again (it doesn't mean you are in the friend zone). Work your way up from texting, coffee dates, to movie and dinner dates.

 

Hope this helps.

SL