Taking Back A Cheater

[cottom]

With a girl for 2 years, couldnt see myself with anyone else, everything we did was just what i wanted.

 

Mentally however, both of us are a little messed up. I am bipolar so i can go from happy and loving to depressed shutting myself off from the world and back at the click of my fingers. She was adopted, her dad cheated on the mom but refuses to divorce or he cuts any funding off and the mom cant meet anybody knew or hell breaks lose even though he has 2 gf's and kids, oh and her ex/first love of 2 years died at 16.

 

I started work 100 miles away which meant leaving at 5am and not getting home till 7pm, the 14 hour days and lack of sleep brought out more depression, i became distant and bitter, we would always argue.

 

We went out for my brothers 18th and one of his mates was there that she used to work with (he is 18, she is 20, i am 22). A week or 2 after that she started messaging him on facebook and then turned the conversation to snapchat, i noticed that this kid had suddenly rocketed to the top of her snap friends but when i asked who he was she said "just some guy who keeps snapping random things". For the next month we were having ups and downs, we argue and then are nice then argue then are fine while she is saying things like "i went out with jess last night" or "me and jess are going the cinema".

 

On my birthday i was out at the cinema with her and she was doing a snapchat so i asked if i could type the message, i put "i love my bf" she saw that and tried to send it to everyone but missed out this one guy which i was confused by, so i went in to her snap messages and see shes arranging to go the cinema with him and not her friend jess and she went on a night out with him and not her friend etc.

 

She told me he was just a mate but my suspicions were heightened even more, and i then saw a text over her shoulder a week later from her friend "how can you be seeing jon if you love your bf" i kicked her out the house and didnt acknowledge her again. 2 days later i met another girl but the lack of trust brought on by my ex killed me, all the time working and living away i was just thinking which guys is she snapping, which guys texts is she deleting to hide from me, who is she meeting when im not there. I stopped eating, sleeping,?? i became ill and i could not comcentrate at work and was put on a "managing dips in performance" procedure, i gave up after 2 months with this girl because the stress was killing me.

 

As soon as i broke up with the rebound, my ex happened to come along and broke up with the guy she cheated with because she still loved me and gave her excuses for why she did what she did...she wants to feel loved and i was just mean and distant and she wanted affection which the other guy gave.

But all i think is if she wanted to cheat then leave me if i was so horrible, why lie to me, looking in my eyes and lying to me. Yeah i didnt treat her well enough but i put myself through **** days and sleeps making my own illness worse to try and be there for her, but the second i left for work she would meet another guy.

[cottom]

The texts between us from lastnight:

 

Me: Thats what i dont know, do i believe what you said, everywhere i look people are cheating. Scott bangimg girls behind sophies back yet they now own a house. Sean cheated on hannah but wanted her back. Hannah cheayed on ryan and now shes begging him back

But all.of them were one night things. You did it for a month, you were seeing a guy behind my back for a month and lying to me about it

They all let themselves go for one night and regretted it. If youd have never have got caught and lost me you would not have regretted it because you carried it on for a month and still denied it

The part your sorry about is getting caught and losing me. Not what you have done, you dont care about what you did and thats so obviou the way yu keep saying "its happened i cant change that"

 

Her: i do regret it i never new what i was doing im telling u the truth everythin i said i do love u always have n always will i mis you soo much noone could compare with uu

no i am sorry for what i have done chad i really really am all im saying is it dnt mater how sorry i am i cnt turn vack time i wish i coukd

All i wanyed to do is kiss n cudddle u n say how sorry i was but at the end i was scared ud push me of which u woukd have done and said **** off

i dnt expect everything to go back to normal but ud never know what ut could be like if u didnt try and u dnt undersatnd how much id never ever do that to u again i know u dnt believe it now but i will do anything to keep yu with me fr ever as i love u so much:

[Arieswoman]

Cottom,

I am sorry you are in a pickle right now but IMO you need to take a step back.

 

If you are bi-polar then the first relationship you need to work on is the one with yourself.

 

You have probably seen this advice already but here it is again;-

 

"The following treatment options are available:

medication to prevent episodes of mania, hypomania (less severe mania) and depression – these are known as mood stabilisers and are taken every day on a long-term basis

medication to treat the main symptoms of depression and mania when they occur

learning to recognise the triggers and signs of an episode of depression or mania

psychological treatment – such as talking therapy, which can help you deal with depression, and provides advice about how to improve your relationships

lifestyle advice – such as doing regular exercise, planning activities you enjoy that give you a sense of achievement, as well as advice on improving your diet and getting more sleep"

 

The last thing you need in your life is stress like you have just described. Let this girl go and concentrate of being as emotionally stable as you can for the moment.

 

Good luck.

[cottom]

I do take medication, I also am much happier and get depression a lot less when i have a stimulant present, such a love or friends or to a more extreme, alcohol (though i avoid that as much as i can because i have seen friends spiral into alcoholism).

 

Everything gets worse when im under intense stress, am alone (Monday to Friday residence in the middle of nowhere working alone), putting myself under unsustainable conditions (such as 4 hours driving daily for a 14 hour day).

 

Which i dont know whether this girl is worth my time, or if i should remain alone and just get used to it.

[quidproquo89]

the mum can leave him and have a fair share of his wealth because he is an adulterer

[cottom]

the mum can leave him and have a fair share of his wealth because he is an adulterer

 

The guy is really high up in the police on a lot of money, he brought a house for the wife and then brought himself a house and pays for everything for the family.

 

He however refuses to get a divorce, i don't know if its his religion (catholic), but how religious can you be if your banging 3 diff women.

 

I said to the girl, she needs to get a divorce but the mom always goes on about how its more difficult than that and money etc etc, i said she gets alimoney, she gets half his stuff etc, but no she just lets him control her, goes mental if she texts another guy etc.

[ExpatInItaly]

I think you are justifying and rationalizing her cheating. Many people come from rough family backgrounds and death of a loved one and do not cheat. Focus on the relationship for a moment: it's toxic. She sounds immature and you already know she isn't trustworthy. It's not because you work far away. She should've just broken up with you if she wasn't in love in anymore. (And don't kid yourself. She isn't in love or she wouldn't have been unfaithful)

 

In short? It's not worth it. She's not a quality girlfriend. Sorry.

[veggirl]

drama-rama. immature relationship. don't go back, there's no point. you will stay in this cycle if you do. stay off the merry-go-round and find a girl who will talk with you and be open when she is bothered by something instead of one who jumps into the closest dudes arms at the first sign of trouble.