enigmatic Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Back in July, my long term boyfriend who I live with found out that I had been talking to a guy that lives in the same town my mom lives in which is 2 hours away from me. He found out by reading emails I sent with this other guy when I was logged into my account on my boyfriends phone. I felt horrible that I hurt him and we almost broke up, but he said he wanted me to stay and the next day he said he could learn to forgive me. I sincerely apologized for my actions numerous times and we had a couple talks about it and then laid it to rest. Since then I have not talked to the other guy and things have been fine. Well it's been about 2 months since all that happened, and now my mom wants to spend time with me. She's not physically well, and next week is her birthday and she wants me to stay the night with her. I want to, but I'm afraid of bringing this up to my boyfriend. I know he's going to get all weird will probably ask me if I'm going to see the other guy. He might even get all emotional and guilt me into not going. At this point, I don't know what to do or what is the "right" thing to do. I know I should do whatever it takes to prove I can be trusted, but should I really refrain from spend quality time with my mom because he's worried about me seeing the other guy? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 I know he's going to get all weird enigmatic, you do NOT know that. You might think it or believe it or suspect it...and your suspicions might prove accurate...but you do not know it (like you know that 1 + 1 = 2). I'd look at it as a perfect opportunity to develop greater honesty, communication and trust with each other. If it's still something that he can get "all emotional" over and/or that can still guilt you into doing or not doing something that you want or feel a loyalty to do, then there is still more "stuff" needed to be addressed to increase the love and trust between you, meaning also increasing chances for your long-term, together happiness. Hugs and best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 you have to go see your mom. be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
AquanoxSerp Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 You need to go ahead and assert yourself and stop simply feeling bad or wishy washy but work hard on the relationship and truly commit. Use Yoda for guidance. Do or do not, there is no try. Go in with confidence and go out with it. If you liked the other man, save your current guy more grief and say I want the other man and never look back. If you did NOT cheat on your man and you only talked to the other guy tell your boyfriend that and ask him exactly what he wants and needs to feel better about what happened. Treat him with trust and he will treat you with trust. Do not assume and instead communicate with him on your mom's situation daily. put her on the phone as well, and try to actively include him in your daily life and lean on him for support. I do feel sorry for your mom's condition and hope she feels better. This is also a good opportunity for him to go with you if he can. Invite him to be a part of your life because there is no reason for feeling guilty about your mom's health. If you do feel guilty something IS wrong. And be honest with yourself AND him. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Use Yoda for guidance. Do or do not, there is no try. Yoda was DEAD WRONG about that. "Trying" is what we encourage children to do to persevere with learning a new skill. It is practicing; there is no mastery without practicing. I do agree, though, that the situation is calling for more honest, open and direct communication. Link to post Share on other sites
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