Has she moved on?

[Fix]

I'll keep this as short as I can - We where together for about 2 years, somewhat rocky but living together and over all happy. Turns out she was talking to a co-worker behind my back, secretly texting and phoning... I caught her, we argued, she breaks down and says she no longer loves me.

 

After the break up we had on and off contact for about two months. During that time I saw her in person three times, twice to collect my possessions and we ended up talking for about 3 hours both times. Not about us, just general talk... Then the third time we went on a trip to an amusement park, at my suggestion, and spend the whole day together.

 

She told me it was all just as friends, but it gave me false hope... I broke down about a week after the trip, told her how I felt and basically got angry and begged and accused her of cheating with her co-worker. She claimed she never cheated, but a few weeks after we broke up she did kiss him... Hmm...

 

Every time I text she will reply, about a week after my break down I text her and she replied basically saying I was hung up on this co-worker. I apologised for accusing her of cheating... I had been planning no contact as this on/off contact was driving me mad and getting me no where. I felt I had closure and formed my own opinion of why we broke up. I believe she did cheat, but that the relationship would have ended any way as her heart was no longer in it... So I sent her one more text, apologising for the way I spoke to her the past week and the way I had acted the day we broke up(Getting angry), and saying that I had some good memories of us and I could see that she had moved on and I wanted to do the same.

 

I believe she is seeing someone else, either this co-worker or a guy she used to talk to before we became a couple.

 

I expected no reply, and actually felt okay with things for the most part. Then yesterday, which is about 4 days after my text she replied with one line saying 'Thank you, I hope you look after yourself'.

 

Why bother waiting 4 days to say that? Is that her way of saying 'Yes I have moved on', or was she just seeing if I would respond to her?

 

I would try again with her, and on paper during the past few months it would look like she was interested in me, but whenever I bring 'us' up she clearly says she is not interested in trying again.

[redbaron005]

...secretly texting and phoning... I caught her, we argued, she breaks down and says she no longer loves me....After the break up we had on and off contact for about two months.....She told me it was all just as friends, but it gave me false hope...

 

but whenever I bring 'us' up she clearly says she is not interested in trying again.

 

Sorry man, those are tough words to hear. She strung you along to allow herself to 'move on,' aka justify her decision to herself. And you have your answer right here in bold. You still have feelings for her (that's ok) and are trying to look deeper to justify further contact (that's not ok). What you want is not always what's best for you, you should just let this one be and walk away.

 

If you really care about her, and more importantly yourself, you will respect her decision and your need for growth. Be thankful you had a learning opportunity and for the relationship that you had.

[No Limit]

She has cheated, no need to apologize. Other than that, you are her ego boost supply.

 

Move on.

[hedyo]

 

I would try again with her, and on paper during the past few months it would look like she was interested in me, but whenever I bring 'us' up she clearly says she is not interested in trying again.

 

To be frank, I don't think it does sound like she is interested, even on paper. To me it sounds like she's feeling guilty and is trying to be nice to you by staying friends. This is a toxic situation, because you'll keep hoping and reading into her words and actions, even though she is, to quote your post, clearly telling you that she is not interested.

 

Why bother waiting 4 days to say that? Is that her way of saying 'Yes I have moved on', or was she just seeing if I would respond to her?

 

The fact that she took four days to reply is probably either because she's busy and forgot, or she is unsure of whether being in contact is the right thing to do, or whether it is just giving you false hope. She probably likes you as a person and feels bad if she ignores you.

 

I think going no contact and moving on with your life is your best option.

[Fix]

Well thank you guys. I suppose I am at a point where I am over analysing every little thing she says, and thinking there is more to it than there actually is.

 

I had already reached a point of deciding to just go no contact as I was just embarrassing myself, and wasting way too much energy on all of this. Then I got that text, but it hasn't changed my mind, I will carry on as I had planned.

[Fix]

Don't know if anyone would have any advice here, but I am struggling to commit myself to no contact.. I haven't contacted since she text me back, but I am constantly checking her whatsapp to see when she is on and offline and then jumping to my own conclusions about who she is talking to and what she is doing during long periods offline. I know what I should do, delete her number and block her and all of that... I am just sort of scared to do it. Like I feel as if once it is done that's it, she's gone for good...

 

I know she is talking to another guy or guys, and I don't like it... But then I am talking to and seeing other girls. Do I have to just assume she is doing just as much as me, if not more, seeing as she wanted the break up?

 

I'm finding it hard, almost three months on, to see it as 'over'. I also know the best way to move on and accept this is to delete her number, block her, get rid of all the reminders and so on, and just focus totally on myself and see my life as just me rather than as us... But I can't seem to push myself to do it. Especially at work, my mind has time to wonder and I just end up thinking about her, us, and what could have been...

 

I feel if I had gone no contact day one I would be in a much better position now, but instead we had two months of friendly and positive contact. Texting and seeing each other 3 or 4 times... The day trip together was really the thing to mess my head up. Why agree to that and act totally normally when you know someone is still interested in you?

 

Hmm, I know the way but I can't find the motivation to start the journey.

[Simon Phoenix]

If you are checking her whatsapp, you aren't in No Contact. No Contact means cutting off every avenue you have into her life and vice versa. And honestly, there's really nothing else that can be said. Either you do it now and start the process of recovery or you keep inventing bs excuses in your head and prolonging your misery. That's up to you.

[AquanoxSerp]

Filter all her messages to the trash, or if you can't bear to part with it create a new gmail account to forward her ****, and then randomly type a password and then zip that password 10-20 times so that it's a pain to go ahead and check that email. Block her calls, and texts and get away from her and areas she visits. Go to the gym and keep yourself busy AND healthy.

 

Also I'm going to be really brutally honest with you and ALL men on here. If you're upset that she's hanging with other men but you're hanging with other women, well tough ****. Don't expect her to be the virgin mary saint when you're out there putting yourself for display too. More women don't buy that crappy double standard for a good reason.

 

On that note, frankly if I'm not over someone I just foster loving myself and not delude myself into thinking rebound relationships work. Why websites suggest men go get laid with a cute girl after a breakup really makes me want to punch whoever wrote that. A prostitute? Sure. But not another innocent who could get their heart trashed because she doesn't know she's your rebound.

[bubbaganoosh]

Don't know if anyone would have any advice here, but I am struggling to commit myself to no contact.. I haven't contacted since she text me back, but I am constantly checking her whatsapp to see when she is on and offline and then jumping to my own conclusions about who she is talking to and what she is doing during long periods offline. I know what I should do, delete her number and block her and all of that... I am just sort of scared to do it. Like I feel as if once it is done that's it, she's gone for good...

 

I know she is talking to another guy or guys, and I don't like it... But then I am talking to and seeing other girls. Do I have to just assume she is doing just as much as me, if not more, seeing as she wanted the break up?

 

I'm finding it hard, almost three months on, to see it as 'over'. I also know the best way to move on and accept this is to delete her number, block her, get rid of all the reminders and so on, and just focus totally on myself and see my life as just me rather than as us... But I can't seem to push myself to do it. Especially at work, my mind has time to wonder and I just end up thinking about her, us, and what could have been...

 

I feel if I had gone no contact day one I would be in a much better position now, but instead we had two months of friendly and positive contact. Texting and seeing each other 3 or 4 times... The day trip together was really the thing to mess my head up. Why agree to that and act totally normally when you know someone is still interested in you?

 

Hmm, I know the way but I can't find the motivation to start the journey.

 

OK. You want to stop the hurt? Then stop checking up on her and communicating with her. All your doing is re opening the same old wound and if you don't stop real soon your going to bleed to death.

 

Face facts. It's over. You can $h!t in one hand and wish in the other and see what you get first. Move on and find some happiness and you can do it if you just let go.

[Fix]

Hey just an update here... So turns out I know 100% she was cheating. The day we broke up the first thing she did after I left was meet up with her co-worker. Weather or not anything physical happened between them before we broke up I don't know but certainly emotional cheating and basically setting up a relationship behind my back.

 

After finding this information out I decided to text her... I was in two minds, do I leave it all pleasant and sweet or do I tell her how I know what she did and basically call her the cheating s-ut she is...

 

I went with option two. She still denied any wrong doing, but I knew she would do that. Really though I mentioned certain facts that I had become aware of, and even though she denied it in the text she will have known in herself what I was saying was true.

 

So, I was angry and said some nasty things to her, but at the same time she's a cheat and broke my heart so whatever.

 

After I said what I said she deleted me from whatsapp and I guess deleted my number. Whatever. I know this co-worker she's been sleeping with has a girlfriend and a family and is basically seeing them both, but my ex wants him.

 

It's weird that even after all of this I still feel in my heart that I love her and want her and would take her back if she asked today... How weird is that? The heart works in weird ways. I feel I want this nasty, selfish toxic person back in my life and I don't know why. I have slept with other girls, and tried to move on but I'm just as stuck on her as I was at day one.

[Mcnulty]

She cheated emotionally that you know of, is seeing a guy with a GF and you're still hung up on her? If you want to self sabotage yourself, ruminate all you like over her...or you can walk away, NC and recognize what she is...your choice yes?

[caplion]

I'm really sorry for what you are going through - but you've broken almost all the rules about getting someone back - it did sound like she was done way back when she thanked you in the four day later text - but you really buried any possibility of getting back together with accusing her of cheating the second (or third time,,, fourth time?). This might be how you cope subconsciously - allowing you to move on - if so then great - but if it wasn't your intention I'm really sorry but you really blew it. And I really am sorry because I'm going through the pain of a break up right now - and it is real and physical (the pain)....so I hate to trash on you. I guess I'm posting this for others as a warning. I really do wish you the best though.

 

Think about it from her perspective - why would she want to get back together with someone who accuses her of cheating and calling her a slut (even if it's true - should she go back to that person as some kind on penitence?)

 

Take the time to take care of yourself - get some exercise - and don't dwell on the mistakes you made - describe to yourself how you will improve in the next relationship (not what you did wrong in this one). And take a little more time before you start another one - don't sleep with others - sure talk with other women but slow down a bit.

[dclan]

After I said what I said she deleted me from whatsapp and I guess deleted my number. Whatever. I know this co-worker she's been sleeping with has a girlfriend and a family and is basically seeing them both, but my ex wants him.

 

It's weird that even after all of this I still feel in my heart that I love her and want her and would take her back if she asked today... How weird is that? The heart works in weird ways. I feel I want this nasty, selfish toxic person back in my life and I don't know why. I have slept with other girls, and tried to move on but I'm just as stuck on her as I was at day one.

 

It is not weird. You will probably feel like that for a few more months. Its very normal, that even if she did hurt you, you will still want her. Eventually those feelings will begin to fade.

[Day.One]

Stop wondering if she has moved on, YOU move on.

 

Print it, read it, learn it, live it:

 

The 180 Plan

[sm2281]

I'll keep this as short as I can - We where together for about 2 years, somewhat rocky but living together and over all happy. Turns out she was talking to a co-worker behind my back, secretly texting and phoning... I caught her, we argued, she breaks down and says she no longer loves me.

 

After the break up we had on and off contact for about two months. During that time I saw her in person three times, twice to collect my possessions and we ended up talking for about 3 hours both times. Not about us, just general talk... Then the third time we went on a trip to an amusement park, at my suggestion, and spend the whole day together.

 

She told me it was all just as friends, but it gave me false hope... I broke down about a week after the trip, told her how I felt and basically got angry and begged and accused her of cheating with her co-worker. She claimed she never cheated, but a few weeks after we broke up she did kiss him... Hmm...

 

Every time I text she will reply, about a week after my break down I text her and she replied basically saying I was hung up on this co-worker. I apologised for accusing her of cheating... I had been planning no contact as this on/off contact was driving me mad and getting me no where. I felt I had closure and formed my own opinion of why we broke up. I believe she did cheat, but that the relationship would have ended any way as her heart was no longer in it... So I sent her one more text, apologising for the way I spoke to her the past week and the way I had acted the day we broke up(Getting angry), and saying that I had some good memories of us and I could see that she had moved on and I wanted to do the same.

 

I believe she is seeing someone else, either this co-worker or a guy she used to talk to before we became a couple.

I expected no reply, and actually felt okay with things for the most part. Then yesterday, which is about 4 days after my text she replied with one line saying 'Thank you, I hope you look after yourself'.

 

Why bother waiting 4 days to say that? Is that her way of saying 'Yes I have moved on', or was she just seeing if I would respond to her?

I would try again with her, and on paper during the past few months it would look like she was interested in me, but whenever I bring 'us' up she clearly says she is not interested in trying again.

 

 

Youhave the answer within you.

yes, she has moved on.

 

I'm sorry, it hurts, but it's better to let people move on, and move on with your own life than to fizz fuss and fight over it. hugs.