Can't get past it

[Lost in Love 2011]

Just going to get to the point:

A year ago my longterm boyfriend had a fling with another girl. I wouldn't have imagined it be this particular girl in 1000 years, but it happened. Even though her and everyone else told me the slept together, he still denies it. I have tried to forgive and forget and just move on. He has made so many changes positively to move forward in the relationship and to be the best man he could for me. To back track, he actually wasn't the greatest before this happened and we had many issues. To be honest, since this happened, I don't think anyone else would be more perfect for me.

Here's the issue: I just can't get over it. I have no sex drive and I lost some attraction for him. It just ruined and devastated me so much. I've been cheated on before and history repeats itself, but I truly feel that he won't, and is doing everything to make it right. So how can I make it right before I drive him out of my life for being so cold?

[No Limit]

There's nothing to do in my opinion. You can't seriously expect to have much of a future with someone who betrays you early in the relationship, then denies it although he's pinned down by enormous amounts of evidence and lies to you on and on, and then just keeps the chase up? Plus, like you hinted already, he'll sooner or later grow tired of it as well.

 

Have you considered breaking up with him and find someone who doesn't need to put much effort into attempting-not-to-cheat, and who is a good boyfriend because you two just click well together and like/love each other a lot?

[Nathaniel Hawk]

In my opinion one year is too much of your life. I would consider to work after something like this happened, maybe, if I was married and had kids, but not with a girlfriend. That's supposed to be fun.

 

After your previous experience (I'm very sorry you were also cheated ) I really think you deserve better than this annoying drama.

[Clay]

I have to agree with the first poster. Really there is not much you can do. Some people can forgive but others just can't. I am one of those people that can't. I think cheating is a deal breaker. If you want to stay with him that is up to you and your going to have to find a way to forgive and let go of the past. I personally just recommend you move on and find someone new. In the end its much better. There are far better people out there and he can try to redeem himself in your eyes but there is no way to redeem cheating.

 

Just my thoughts.

 

I hope you do what is best for you.

 

Clay

[stillafool]

If you've lost your sex drive for him it's pretty much kaput. I think you should break it off because in your mind you will never really trust him.

[W101]

Once the thought of your lover with another man/woman crosses your mind, most of the time it's there to stay, I would say in the past I've had good relationships, a few years a go I had the best possible relationship, unfortunately she got drunk while she was away and cheated, whenever I thought of her after that, no matter what she said or did, even when she begged in tears for forgiveness which broke my heart to see her like that, even after all the effort she made to make up for what she did, it was all invein because whenever I looked at her I would see the back of his head, there's nothing wrong how your feeling, everybody is different, some can shrug it off, some can't, I'd suggest figuring out which category you fall under and making a decision that is right for you and only you in this situation.