bigntall Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Some of you may have read this post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/489877-nc-kids-involved At this point, NC has not been broken but the x has expressed a STRONG desire to reconcile. The relationship that she was in has been terminated (or so I have been told) and she would like to put the family back together. We have a LONG history together and yes, that is a long time to throw away, but I need some reassuring, reassurance that she truly has broken ties with her last relationship. I am good with the way my life is today but I would also consider putting the family unit back together, start working on things. I still care for her deeply, probably always will, but should I break NC and start a dialogue? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 How do you know she has a STRONG desire to reconcile? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigntall Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 How do you know she has a STRONG desire to reconcile? Messages, e-mails, comments from my oldest children, friends........ Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Forget comments from kids/friends. Only the horses mouth counts. What has she said? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigntall Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 Forget comments from kids/friends. Only the horses mouth counts. What has she said? Basically that mistakes were made, she would like to make amends for those mistakes and work on putting the family back together. The biggest indicator is that she is willing to be an open book with everything. Up until recently, I have been open with everything, her not so much. Biggest concern I have is the former relationship that she was in. Is it truly over? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 I'm not sure how anyone on here can answer that. How do we know if it's over or not? If you think it's worth trying again then go for it, you seem to have the big golden opportunity that so many dream of. Just don't get too hopeful. Hope for the best, plan for the worst. And remember that if it doesn't work out, you may be back to square 1 with the coping. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigntall Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 I'm not sure how anyone on here can answer that. How do we know if it's over or not? If you think it's worth trying again then go for it, you seem to have the big golden opportunity that so many dream of. Just don't get too hopeful. Hope for the best, plan for the worst. And remember that if it doesn't work out, you may be back to square 1 with the coping. I feel that it is worth trying for. Guess my questions should be what kind of red flags should I watch out for? Behaviors? Actions? Link to post Share on other sites
ThorntonMelon Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 I hope that you will take this feedback in the context that it is presented. She's your WIFE. You're online asking us whether she's still in a relationship. Honestly, it sounds to me like you don't trust her one bit. The reality is that you don't know why she really wants to reconcile, but it's nothing we can really opine on. What we can opine on is to evaluate what she says vs her actions and behaviors. If I were you, I'd set extremely strong boundaries to what you'll tolerate and a one strike policy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigntall Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 I hope that you will take this feedback in the context that it is presented. She's your WIFE. You're online asking us whether she's still in a relationship. Honestly, it sounds to me like you don't trust her one bit. The reality is that you don't know why she really wants to reconcile, but it's nothing we can really opine on. What we can opine on is to evaluate what she says vs her actions and behaviors. If I were you, I'd set extremely strong boundaries to what you'll tolerate and a one strike policy. Correction....ex wife, but I understand what you are saying. The real question is should I break NC with her to discuss what she is talking about? Link to post Share on other sites
ThorntonMelon Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 That's not what you asked for two posts ago, but I see your point. She's your ex wife, you're going to have to communicate with her at some point anyways, I see no reason not to hear her out. But have your boundaries set up before hand, thats all. Link to post Share on other sites
Polak Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 If I were you, I'd set extremely strong boundaries to what you'll tolerate and a one strike policy. +1 This will save you potential pain in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
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