Internet spying just as bad as contacting the ex?

[Darren2013]

Is spying on your ex on the Internet through Facebook just as bad as contacting them? Why or why not? Some liberal versions of no contact would say it is okay to check them out online as long as you do not talk to them.

[hockeydan]

If your goal is NC, I would say it is just as bad. I would obsessively look at her profile and feel the pain every time a new picture went up, or she added a new guy to her friends list (including a former co-worker I use to hang out with). I was basically torturing myself every day through social media. Now I have her blocked on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and Google+. I can no longer look into her life and she can not look into my life. I have progressed in my healing a lot more since I did this. I no longer care to see what she is doing and know that its for the best that I don't.

[Simon Phoenix]

It's pretty bad. It's indirect contact and it's picking at the scab which is your breakup. No Contact means No Contact of any kind.

[Ronni_W]

'No contact' is intended to provide also emotional distancing...not just eliminate verbal communications or text-based contact.

 

It doesn't really matter if there is a "liberal" version of 'no contact guidelines' out there...it depends on YOUR OWN reasons, desires, intentions behind establishing 'no contact' in the first place.

[No Limit]

It's not as bad as contacting your ex ('cause his or her profile won't call you back or annoy you with meaningless texts) but still unnecessary and blocks the whole process.

[Mary Oak]

I think everyone heals differently. Does looking at their profile make is easier? Probably not.

 

But no contact is what you make of it. There are many, many people here who only believe hard core no contact is the only way. And I do think it serves it's purpose. But...

 

Breaking no contact always made me feel bad because I thought I had failed at something else. I can think of a hundred times that I broke no contact and hurt myself more. So, yes , there is a lot to be said for it. I believe it truly does help you move on

 

I guess my point is... Stop worrying about what is no contact and what is breaking no contact and just try to move on the best you know how.

 

Most of us here are feeling pretty low as it is and we don't need to beat ourselves up over a text or checking fb or a phone call n

 

Just please try to do right by you and move on the way you know how.

 

Will NC help? Yes. Will it probably catapult you into healing quicker? Probably.

 

Just don't get so hung up on the guidelines of NC that you can't see the forest through the trees.

 

Just my opinion. Good luck.

[The dot]

I think Internet spying is actually *worse* than contacting the ex. Both actions are signs that you're still in the pathetic "I haven't gotten over him/her" phase. The only real difference is that Internet spying (otherwise known as "stalking") is actually unwanted attention.

[Miky]

I found my long lost Love on Facebook after 25 years of no contact, after the initial shock to see the person that was the epitome of so much pain in your younger years, and some satisfaction of my curiosity about her, I realize that looking at her profile did not instigate the same feelings I had for her in the past, and more indifference is what I felt when looked at her profile, as long as you don't feel pain I think, it is cathartic to watch the ex profile as long as you keep NO CONTACT and not tempted to invite them as friends, as this will be the worst thing you can do

[Lostdreams]

I think Internet spying is actually *worse* than contacting the ex. Both actions are signs that you're still in the pathetic "I haven't gotten over him/her" phase. The only real difference is that Internet spying (otherwise known as "stalking") is actually unwanted attention.

 

I had the sick habit of checking his FB profile, even after unfriending him, and saw via public page notifications that he was playing on line games every evening. I thought this is great cos it means he has nobody at home with him ...... he is still alone, maybe there's a chance for us still

 

You know what - it was useless and after a month of torturing myself, and reading some threads on here, I finally saw how pathetic I was being and how much I was hurting myself by searching totally insignificant glimpses of him and maintaining my unhealthy "attachment" to nothingness.

 

He no longer wants me in his life and that is that

 

I've since fully blocked all social media places where I might find him and I'm feeling much, much better in making progress towards recovery - I just wish I would have had the strength to do it sooner

[d0nnivain]

In some ways it may actually be worse because people only post the good stuff on line. It's easy to throw up a pithy comment on line even when you are sitting at home moping & drowning your sorrows. So by spying electronically your brain will think the EX is doing better than maybe they are. Also in person you may see your EX alone but OL you are probably going to see the pictures with the new person in their life & you will feel worse.

[TheBladeRunner]

Yeah....not a good idea. Do yourself a favor and get rid of Facebook, Twitter, and all that other useless social media crap. JMO...It worked for me.

[chados]

the reason you dont wanna do this is because youre making everything that makes you feel better take longer. the more you spy the more you will think about it. the more pictures you see the more confused you will be. you will start making up things in your head. leaving them alone and deleting them from your life is not only the best way to heal but the best way to make them come back. why? because they get a chance to miss you when youre gone. so main focus should be to snap out of it. then the time will tell what happens.