bf cheated, wants 3rd chance

[stef22]

My bf (or ex, Im not really sure right now) have been together for 2 years. We met when I was in my old uni. A friend introduced us and we hit it off. The only thing was that it was long distance and I was hesitant. But soon, I agreed. We were happy till his ex starting coming in and he decided to end things after 5 months to go back to his ex.

 

While he was with her, he would always message me to see if I'm okay. After 2 months, I went on holiday to where he was, by total coincidence. We agreed to meet. When we finally met, it felt so perfect. I've never felt anything like that. We kissed that night and it was beautiful.

 

Soon, however, I had to fly home and we decided we couldn't continue to relationship. We kept in contact though and after a few months, I was offered a chance to study in UK (where he is) I did not want to take the offer initially, but I did.

 

When I got there, I told him and he wanted to meet up. We met up and it was awkward at first. However, after he kissed me and we talked things out, we decided to give it another try. Honestly, he was the best thing ever. We had plenty of ups and downs but we always found comfort in each other. He was also the first guy I did anything with. Besides full on sex.

 

I decided to move to UK because everything was going so well. I flew home to see my family for 2 months. Before that, we decided to take a holiday together. He said he was going to miss me and I said I would change my flight to an earlier date so I can come back sooner.

 

Just 3 weeks before I was due to fly back, he told me he likes someone else and that me being away is too much for him. A girl had convinced him that the relationship doesn't count because I was away. It broke my heart because I sacrificed so much for this boy. I felt used. After discussing, we agreed to wait till I get back as we had some things to sort out.

 

Just days before my flight, I called him. He picked up and said that he's with his new gf and that he's moved on. His "new gf" even spoke me. I couldn't feel anything. A few hours later, he called me again and said he's sorry for messing things up and that he'll wait for me. He said he needs time to think. He managed to comfort me because I was going through something at the time. I suffer from depression to that state where I have no appetite to eat. He makes me feel happy. He is my happiness to be honest.

 

I don't know what to say to him. I truly do love him but I dislike being treated like an option as this is the second time this has happened. My life overseas is boring. I've become so used to of him being around. Should I give him another chance if the opportunity presents itself?

[Toddbt12y1]

No, you'd be a fool to give him another chance. How many times does a person need slap you on the face, before you get the hint - it won't work. Right now he is playing you. You are foolishly playing into his hands. He gets to go on with doing what ever he likes, even to you, and yet, you'll run back.

 

In effect, you are his doormat. He is wiping his feet off on you constantly. You need to be a woman, and strong enough to boot this loser from your life. It's okay to love someone; it is however, not okay to love them to the point that you become their willing doormat.

[Zeurich]

Second chance is last chance let him no that tell him 3 rd chance is not exist. Cheater is always a cheater watch out.

[aussietigerwolf]

It sounds like you're his "if I have nothing else" option. I'd block this guy and delete his number.

[Lovemesomehim]

Why would you give him another chance? Why would you set yourself up for being hurt again. He showed you how easily tempted he is to stray from your relationship, why would you allow this man to determine your happiness?

 

To be honest with you, it's best that you begin addressing your depression issues and worry less about having a relationship with anyone. Find your happiness within and not in someone else.

[Always Pondering]

My bf (or ex, Im not really sure right now) have been together for 2 years. We met when I was in my old uni. A friend introduced us and we hit it off. The only thing was that it was long distance and I was hesitant. But soon, I agreed. We were happy till his ex starting coming in and he decided to end things after 5 months to go back to his ex.

While he was with her, he would always message me to see if I'm okay. After 2 months, I went on holiday to where he was, by total coincidence. We agreed to meet. When we finally met, it felt so perfect. I've never felt anything like that. We kissed that night and it was beautiful.

 

Soon, however, I had to fly home and we decided we couldn't continue to relationship. We kept in contact though and after a few months, I was offered a chance to study in UK (where he is) I did not want to take the offer initially, but I did.

 

When I got there, I told him and he wanted to meet up. We met up and it was awkward at first. However, after he kissed me and we talked things out, we decided to give it another try. Honestly, he was the best thing ever. We had plenty of ups and downs but we always found comfort in each other. He was also the first guy I did anything with. Besides full on sex.

 

I decided to move to UK because everything was going so well. I flew home to see my family for 2 months. Before that, we decided to take a holiday together. He said he was going to miss me and I said I would change my flight to an earlier date so I can come back sooner.

 

Just 3 weeks before I was due to fly back, he told me he likes someone else and that me being away is too much for him. A girl had convinced him that the relationship doesn't count because I was away. It broke my heart because I sacrificed so much for this boy. I felt used. After discussing, we agreed to wait till I get back as we had some things to sort out.

 

Just days before my flight, I called him. He picked up and said that he's with his new gf and that he's moved on. His "new gf" even spoke me. I couldn't feel anything. A few hours later, he called me again and said he's sorry for messing things up and that he'll wait for me. He said he needs time to think. He managed to comfort me because I was going through something at the time. I suffer from depression to that state where I have no appetite to eat. He makes me feel happy. He is my happiness to be honest.

 

I don't know what to say to him. I truly do love him but I dislike being treated like an option as this is the second time this has happened. My life overseas is boring. I've become so used to of him being around. Should I give him another chance if the opportunity presents itself?

 

This boy seems mentally scattered all over the place. He doesn't know what he wants and believes that just because you two were long-distance that cheating was acceptable, which it isn't.

 

This relationship between you two just doesn't sound healthy to me. I mean, think about it. Five months in, he leaves you for his ex whom he clearly wasn't over. Roughly one month into your family trip, he finds someone else and cheats on you. Who's to say you can forgive him and that he won't abandon you a third time.

 

You said it yourself: you dislike being treated as an option and this has already happened TWICE. This isn't something you need to put up with and you deserve more than a cheater. It's not going to be healthy for both you and the relationship (if there is one) if you have to rely on him for happiness.

 

I don't think you should give him anymore chances. Step out, cut ties with him, find happiness within yourself, and find someone who will treat you much better than this boy.

[54JA]

I am a little confused. Is he asking to give it another try? Was the reason for your first break up him wanting to get back with his ex? Was the reason for the second break up the new girl he met? How long has it been since your last break up?

 

Either way, I am glad that you are pausing now. This pause is really important. Based on what I read, I am inclined to say, don't give him the third chance unless it's been a long time since the last break up, and he clearly demonstrates his growth as a person and admits to hurting you in the past. Even so, it is a huge risk.

[aussietigerwolf]

that sort of advice was given the first time that thread was posted and since its been reposted (word for word) then I guess that's not what the op wants to hear.

[stef22]

that sort of advice was given the first time that thread was posted and since its been reposted (word for word) then I guess that's not what the op wants to hear.

 

Yea, about that. I realized I posted on a wrong thread. I just want to hear everyone's opinions.

[stef22]

I am a little confused. Is he asking to give it another try? Was the reason for your first break up him wanting to get back with his ex? Was the reason for the second break up the new girl he met? How long has it been since your last break up?

 

Either way, I am glad that you are pausing now. This pause is really important. Based on what I read, I am inclined to say, don't give him the third chance unless it's been a long time since the last break up, and he clearly demonstrates his growth as a person and admits to hurting you in the past. Even so, it is a huge risk.

 

Basically, the first time around, he ended it by saying that he couldn't take the distance. So he went back to his ex. His ex was bothering me as well. She threaten me and was messaging me non stop. When he left, I tried to keep my distance but he would always message me and check on me. I didn't even tell him that I was moving to the UK till he called me and I told him. We were split up for about 6 months then.

 

The second time, he blamed it on the fact that he felt lonely when I was away. He didn't even tell me till I asked him point blank, which then he said that he likes someone else. But then he said he'll wait till I get back and that we were still together. But a few days later, I called him and he said he's with his new gf and that he's moved on. His new gf spoke and said that she's his gf. I ended the call, thinking that was the end. But he called me after a few hours and apologized, saying that he needs time to think but he misses me and he's sorry for messing up. He's been calling me everyday to check on me.

 

I even changed my flight to an earlier date because I felt so bad for leaving him for so long. (This was before I knew the situation)

[d0nnivain]

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

 

How much longer do you want to continue to be a fool, OP?

 

Love him all you want, OP. He doesn't love or respect you. If anything I'd get myself checked for STDs rather than worrying about getting together with this con artist. I can't believe he actually tried to convince some other girl that he wasn't cheating because you were away.

[Zahara]

I truly do love him but I dislike being treated like an option as this is the second time this has happened. My life overseas is boring. I've become so used to of him being around. Should I give him another chance if the opportunity presents itself?

 

Unfortunately, you have presented yourself to be an option. You have presented yourself to him as a woman that has no self-respect and no value. Why wouldn't he want that option while he goes out there and does whatever he likes, knowing you will always be in the corner waiting?

 

This man has cheated on you with another. He's cheated on his girlfriend while with you. You know what you have taught him? You've taught him that you will tolerate deplorable behavior and that you will do just about anything to be with him. And he will milk that.

 

It's one thing to love him, but don't you love yourself enough to feel sick to your stomach that someone has treated you like a used up rag? C'mon now. Love doesn't mean you blindly discard all sense of self.

 

Your life is boring overseas? So, that means you would rather be treated like an option by this man just to have some excitement and familarity while you're there. Why don't you go out there and find activities in you area, meet new people there, maybe even sign up on a dating site and start going out and meeting new guys? For the life of me, you're bored so you would like to go back to a cheater? What sort of sense is that?

[stef22]

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

 

How much longer do you want to continue to be a fool, OP?

 

Love him all you want, OP. He doesn't love or respect you. If anything I'd get myself checked for STDs rather than worrying about getting together with this con artist. I can't believe he actually tried to convince some other girl that he wasn't cheating because you were away.

 

The girl convinced him that the relationship doesn't count cause I went away. We never slept together. We just made out. and did stuff.

[mammasita]

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me

 

What else is there to say.......

[No Limit]

No. Just no. No no never.

[ExpatInItaly]

The girl convinced him that the relationship doesn't count cause I went away. We never slept together. We just made out. and did stuff.

 

Oh, come on! What a load of BS. Someone who truly loves you can't be convinced of this; I really hope you didn't believe that. That's what he convinced HIMSELF of so he could give himself a free pass to screw around with someone else.

 

No, you shouldn't give him a third chance. He doesn't feel the same way about you that you feel about him. You 're his fallback girl, OP. Time to wake up and see him for the douchey player that he really is. And he's playing you like a damn fiddle.