Not sure if first love wants me back

[Boourns]

Hey all,

 

I'll try and keep this short. I was with my first love for almost three years. We moved into together (one of the causes for the breakup, we rushed into it really) and six months later we broke up. It's been almost five months since the breakup. She was unhappy and dumped me for what it's worth; I'm 19 and she's a year younger.

 

At the time I took it really hard but no contact really helped me whilst she jumped into a rebound relationship to help her cope. That relationship started six weeks after we broke up and didn't last very long at all.

 

She texted me the other night asking if I was ever going to speak to her again. We spoke for a bit and then she admitted to breaking down in tears as to how much she misses me. We have had a few chats on Skype and she still has a box of things related to me that she still has and isn't sure what to do with.

 

We arranged to meet a few days after that first text and it was really fun to see her again. We laughed and flirted a little. I'm not really sure how much there is in a touch but we held hands on my way home and she touched my back and put her hand around my waist. I went to kiss her but she said not to and so I kissed her cheek instead. In retrospect, I'm glad I didn't kiss her and rush into anything.

 

We'll probably end up meeting up again next week. I don't want to get my expectations up but I really want to give my first love a second chance. Does it sound like she might want me back? I don't want to rush anything. I don't want to ask her how she feels and freak her out either. It has felt really great to talk to her, just like when we were first dating so I don't wanna screw this up. Any advice would be appreciated.

[I am Bud]

Dear Boourns

 

From the sounds of things she does want you back and the signs are looking good that this will happen. Being that you guys have a lot of history together and you feel pretty comfortable in each others company, this can work as a double edged sword. On one instance you know that she will accept you for who you are but on the other hand she broke it off with you over some reason or other and that will require further analysis if you don't want this to happen again.

 

I don't think that you have to fear about saying the wrong things in order get back together with her. I think that the biggest challenge facing your relationship at the moment will be for the both of you to develop as separate individuals who travel along the same path in life. If you were a couple that continuously spend every waking moment of every hour together, then you will have to redefine this relationship.

 

If you want this to succeed then you have to balance it out with having interests and passions outside of this relationship. You need to be able to spend time away and do the things that you want to do like hang out with friends and/or indulge in other interests and she needs to figure out who she is as a person and grow stronger in character and wisdom through achieving her own goals and dreams.

 

You cannot go back to having the same relationship before the breakup and expect it to work. Spending too much time together creates a false pretense that the other person will make your life happy. That by just being near them will make your life content. It will not because you yourself have to pursue your passions and interests. You yourself have the power to make you happy.

 

By having meaning that is not attached to another person but that you aquired internally within yourself, this will make you into a happier and better balanced human being. Then after you come back from whatever it is that makes you feel alive and then share it with your partner. It will make your relationship that much richer.

 

All the best - Bud.