It's been a year and I want him back!

[TJane]

Sorry for the length

 

 

About a year ago I was conflicted on continuing being "friends" with a very good friend. My biggest issue with him was that he never called me and he took a while to respond to my messages. However, he was the nicest guy I ever met and his attitude towards texting significantly improved after talking to him several times about his texting and calling but he still wouldn't call me. I didn't want to end a very good friendship and potential romantic relationship (he always told me he liked me...story for another day) on something as trivial as a phone call, but I was beginning to feel insulted. I sought advice from several friends who told me to have a one-on-one conversation with him and once again make it clear that I preferred a 50-50 calling and texting ratio if he wanted us to keep being friends.

 

 

I called him up and spoke with him about it again (for like the 100th time) and he agreed. After he seemed to have agreed with that arrangement, he said he wanted us to do something over the weekend, but I told him I'd rather see him at school on a Tuesday first (we took classes on different campuses) and then we could go out over the weekend. He accepted and we made arrangements for Tuesday at school. That Tuesday, I waited for him on campus but he neither showed up, texted or called. Two days later, I still hadn't heard anything from him which was very unlike him. I was beginning to get worried, in fact I was scared that something terrible had happened to him because he was the last person I expected to ever stand me up (we were that close). I decided to send him a text to know if everything was alright and he replied, "Sorry I didn't show up. Something came up. How are you doing?" I was so upset that he didn't have the decency to tell me that he was not going to be able to show up at least a few hours before hand or apologize after standing me up, he had to wait for me to text him first before saying anything.

 

 

That incident was the climax for me and I deleted his number immediately without replying his text. I didn't hear from him until about 3 weeks later when he texted to check on me. He knew I had deleted his number because I replied his message by asking who he was and eventually ignoring the rest of his messages. This was about a year ago and that was the last time I saw or heard from him.

 

 

The problem now is lately I've been thinking about him and missing him a lot. I don't want to make excuses for him, but I know I may have contributed to his nonchalant attitude towards the end of our friendship. I knew he liked me more than a friend and he had often expressed it in words and actions, but I ignored him or changed the subject. A lot of times, he would tell me he knew I didn't like him and I would simply smile in response. However, we never defined our friendship as platonic or otherwise. Towards the end of our friendship I noticed that he was getting increasingly jealous because I started hanging out with other guy friends (platonically) and I feel like standing me up was his way of telling me he could be an **s if he wanted to.

 

 

Right now I am torn between my pride, a potential rejection, and the right thing to do. I've made a lot of guy friends since then, gone out on a number of dates but I keep comparing every guy I come across to him. I don't know if I should contact him or if I should just let him be. I don't even know if he would want me back or if I would be able to handle the fact that he may not have changed if he accepts me back.

 

 

I keep reverting to all the sacrifices he made while we were friends and I feel like I was not fair to him or he may have felt like I was simply using him.

 

 

I don't know what to do. Should I contact him?

 

 

Thanks in advance.

[NeoDymium]

Ok, you know most guys have no idea how to read the signals women give off, right?

 

If he asks you "I know you don't like me....." and your response to that is a smile; what you don't see that's synonymous to a nod or yelling out "You got'cha!". That's what he got out of it. As far as I can tell from what you said he's been hanging around in hope that you might see him more than just a "friend". You never gave it a chance for that to happen. If you did, and he still didn't call etc etc, then the only thing you'd need to resolve is: 1. Do I put up with this attitude? 2. Do we see a couples counsellor if he's willing to change? OR 3. Can't deal with this crap, see ya later Charlie!

 

At present, you're holding on to the fond memories and maybe "what could've been"s; Now it's up to you, over the year he may have found a someone that that sees him as more than a friend. So, if you decide to jump in to his life, however subtle it may be, you must be ready for the consequences; it may not turn out how you expected and that my friend you must be ready to deal with.

 

If he was so damn great and you like him that much to compare every guy now to him after year of "friend"ship why would you not have taken it further and leave him hanging?

 

This is your call girl. Probably get in contact with him, see his situation and lead straight in to it if you like him that much; BUT do this only if you're ready to deal with a backlash as he might have resentment for whatever way he saw things turned out.

Edited July 20, 2014 by NeoDymium

[NeoDymium]

what do you think of my situation?

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/486148-re-approach-ideas-needed

[TJane]

If he was so damn great and you like him that much to compare every guy now to him after year of "friend"ship why would you not have taken it further and leave him hanging?

 

 

I wasn't sure of what I felt for him and his no calling attitude made me even more indecisive. He was always quick to pick up my calls or call me if I asked him to, but he never initiated a call even after being friends for over a year. That attitude just didn't make any sense to me and his explanations were equally senseless.

 

 

This is all new to me but I feel like I am ready to handle any backlash from him. I may just be holding onto fond memories, but the fact is besides the "no calling situation", there was absolutely nothing wrong with our friendship.

[NeoDymium]

If he's excuses were just as "senseless" I'm thinking may be he was just trying to cover his frustration.

 

Look, he might not want this anymore too. Or he might resent he waited all that time. Or he might be delighted that you've "finally seen the light" (from where he stands).

 

Either way make your call, for better or worse carry through with it and get closure or you might find that he was only great as a friend and not a partner or hopefully he's exactly what you had hoped for....