Can second chances happen when you lose 'romantic feelings' for partner?

[Dontfindme]

I am hoping to see/read stories where second chances have successfully happened to anyone when an ex claims to stop being in love with you, and no longer has 'romantic feelings' for you. Has this happened to anyone before when your ex fell out of love with you and still came back to reconcile down the line?

 

I know I should be moving on, but I'm grasping for some sort of hope to hold on to. My ex-bf says he loves me and cares for me, but that his love has changed and he no longer has romantic feelings for me. In addition, he is very firm on being broken up because of our different life goals - but it's hard for me to accept that he can just let it all go, we were so perfect when things were good.

[Ronni_W]

No...that doesn't usually happen...at least not successfully.

 

Can you accept that it is in your own best interest to respect what he has told you? Do you trust him that he knows his own feelings...and intentions and plans for his future?

 

From his perspective, he isn't letting anything go...he is inviting into his life new stuff that he wants, desires, needs to feel fulfilled, happy. For him, you are no longer part of that equation...no matter how much you once were.

 

It's tough and it sucks...but you still gotta respect his decision about his own life.

Hugs.

[EverLastluv]

Once a person fall out of love and the romance is gone, Its over! The truth I was the one who walk away from my marrage, WHY? Because I fall out of love and the romance was not there anymore.Without a man I was ready to start a new life for my self. I never regret it. I am still living alone with my daughter after 9 years and still loving my independance. My ex H moved on and living a happy life with someone for a while now they have Two kids

 

So sometimes changes are good! Things would be different later and you would be saying (its a good thing he broke it off ) take care. Good luck.

[No Limit]

Only in Scrubs.

[oldshirt]

When women lose romantic/sexual feelings for a man it's very difficult for a relationship to survive.

 

When a man loses romantic/sexual feelings for a woman, it's dead in the water.

 

The time and energy you trying to hold on to this will be lost. The time and energy you spend moving on with your on life will pay much much higher dividends.

[feelingtorn]

My ex contacted me after 9 months. He told me that I was not the one - not his soulmate. He also told me he had not felt any butterflies for a while.

 

And, now he is back. We are not officially together. He said last night he would like to discuss what went wrong and if we should get back together officially.

 

Part of me wants romance and flower like what we see in hollywood movies. I wish he would tell me how much he loved me and how he could not live without me. But this is my reality.

[FredJones80]

My ex contacted me after 9 months. He told me that I was not the one - not his soulmate. He also told me he had not felt any butterflies for a while.

 

Oh bejesus!

 

How old is he? 12!

 

Sigh.

 

What is the world coming too. Butterflies? seriously! Explain to your "ex" there is no "soulmate" and "butterflies" don't last forever.

 

This isn't a hollywood movie, this is real life.

[me85]

I happen to believe that anything is possible.

 

However, you cannot hold on to hope. Don't torture yourself that way. I know you will though, we all have done that to ourselves after being broken up with.

 

You need to try your very best to direct all the attention you have - towards yourself. Not towards your ex. I know, it seems so impossible but it's not. You just have to train yourself to redirect your thoughts anytime the thought of your ex pops into your head.

 

I'm ADD and it has always sucked but I'm actually thankful to have it during times of despair because my thoughts bounce from one to the other pretty swiftly. lol So I'm never sad for too long.

 

Make it a point to stay busy. Limit the time you give yourself to feel sad about your break up. You are doing just fine. Do not ever beat yourself up about anything. He wants to go, you can't stop him. Trust me, I know your pain but there is so much more to life than just being in a RS with someone. Go do something that will impact your life in the most positive way.

 

Best wishes & hugs,

J

[BC1980]

I'm sure it's possible, but I think it would be rare. You also mentioned life goals as a reason, which is usually not salvageable either. That's a pretty big reason.

[mammasita]

Oh yes, the classic "I love you but I'm not in love with you".......I really belive at this point in my life - after having used this on men in the past and most recently having it used on me - that this is complete BS (as mentioned above in a couple other posts).

 

No, unfortunately there is no hope OP. Even if he does come back, it might be all sunshine and rainbows at first because everything is "new" again.....but no.....once the dust settles and he realizes that its the same as it was before he'll see he made a mistake and once again pack up and move on to find that "spark" with someone else.

 

Not to mention, this is typical for relationships that go at hyperspeed (which I see you did - I read your other thread)

 

Bottom line - he needs to grow up.

[JFReyes]

Thanks, all! I needed this reality check...

[Dontfindme]

Thanks everyone for all your feedback, I needed the reality check too- and probably will continue to need it. I see, in this case, hope is harming me more than it is doing any good. I never had so much difficulty letting go. But he easily let go of me, he's having his parents set him up with similar-minded girls, so that he can marry and start a family with them asap. It just blows my mind: the transition from "I need you in my life" to "I have no romantic feelings for you."

[ForHer]

I usually find that as a excuse. I went through a break up and he said such things I seemed advice from a women who is getting married after last year having a nasty break up. She suggested disappearing from his life. Fake it till you make it. Act happy find yourself

So that's what I started doing giving him space

And what do you know

Within a week he's back to texting talking about being a family and so on,

Yes I do believe it

People get to comfortable and think it's better on the other side of the fence

You just keep making your fence a happy place for you and they'll miss it

[Dspawn76]

OP. I have been divorced for over 1.5 years, the whole sitch started almost 2 years ago. Outside of 'being ok and surviving' I have done a TON of research.

 

There are LOTS of people who have gotten back together and being HAPPY (thus far) after those same things were said. My research started out as people's personalities changing after being put on antidepressants, especially those who were not Dx'd as depressive, yet given meds for various reasons such as "chest pain"

 

I have come to see a lot more than I expected... and yes, there are a lot of stories out there that have the ending you're secretly hoping to have. Which is ok, it's not terrible to have hope, just keep in mind that it may not and you must make your life be ok with it in case it doesn't.

 

That said, I have seen a LOT of people on this very site talk about leaving they're husbands / wives (usually the women tho) just because the "spark" left. I hate to break it to you people but SELFISHNESS isn't a good reason to break up a family... putting kids in the mix just because you get aroused more by some other person is the most selfish POS reason.

 

I have discovered that a lot, (most in fact, from my research) they usually lie when they say "oh the ex is perfectly happy in his new life" etc. In truth, the whole "Allowed me to be alone to start my life anew" speach makes me sick to my stomach. These people are POS that should never marry. I bet anything that most, if not all of these very people were saying things like "Baby, I'm so happy with you, you're the best thing in my life" etc. Yet, when the 'boredom' hits and someone new comes into play.. Guess what? "It's been over".... lol . . Pathetic. It's almost like a disease to be honest.

 

SO! OP... yes they are out there. Why do you not see many stories? usually the people who 'come back' or get their spouses back etc, are too busy enjoying they're new lives to think about these boards to post an update.

 

For the record, Everlastluv "The truth I was the one who walk away from my marrage, WHY? Because I fall out of love and the romance was not there anymore.Without a man I was ready to start a new life for my self. I never regret it. I am still living alone with my daughter after 9 years and still loving my independance." I find it ironic that you chose that name, yet are here bragging about abandoning that 'ever lasting luv'. Yes, you are one of those people. And happy to be single? Yeah, all us guys know how to read between the lines on that one... we know what you're enjoying.

[almond]

OP. I have been divorced for over 1.5 years, the whole sitch started almost 2 years ago. Outside of 'being ok and surviving' I have done a TON of research.

 

There are LOTS of people who have gotten back together and being HAPPY (thus far) after those same things were said. My research started out as people's personalities changing after being put on antidepressants, especially those who were not Dx'd as depressive, yet given meds for various reasons such as "chest pain"

 

I have come to see a lot more than I expected... and yes, there are a lot of stories out there that have the ending you're secretly hoping to have. Which is ok, it's not terrible to have hope, just keep in mind that it may not and you must make your life be ok with it in case it doesn't.

 

That said, I have seen a LOT of people on this very site talk about leaving they're husbands / wives (usually the women tho) just because the "spark" left. I hate to break it to you people but SELFISHNESS isn't a good reason to break up a family... putting kids in the mix just because you get aroused more by some other person is the most selfish POS reason.

 

I have discovered that a lot, (most in fact, from my research) they usually lie when they say "oh the ex is perfectly happy in his new life" etc. In truth, the whole "Allowed me to be alone to start my life anew" speach makes me sick to my stomach. These people are POS that should never marry. I bet anything that most, if not all of these very people were saying things like "Baby, I'm so happy with you, you're the best thing in my life" etc. Yet, when the 'boredom' hits and someone new comes into play.. Guess what? "It's been over".... lol . . Pathetic. It's almost like a disease to be honest.

 

SO! OP... yes they are out there. Why do you not see many stories? usually the people who 'come back' or get their spouses back etc, are too busy enjoying they're new lives to think about these boards to post an update.

 

For the record, Everlastluv "The truth I was the one who walk away from my marrage, WHY? Because I fall out of love and the romance was not there anymore.Without a man I was ready to start a new life for my self. I never regret it. I am still living alone with my daughter after 9 years and still loving my independance." I find it ironic that you chose that name, yet are here bragging about abandoning that 'ever lasting luv'. Yes, you are one of those people. And happy to be single? Yeah, all us guys know how to read between the lines on that one... we know what you're enjoying.

 

Lol, bitter much?

[Jason808]

Oh bejesus!

 

How old is he? 12!

 

Sigh.

 

What is the world coming too. Butterflies? seriously! Explain to your "ex" there is no "soulmate" and "butterflies" don't last forever.

 

This isn't a hollywood movie, this is real life.

 

Lol my ex told me the same thing, I told her that it is just her getting used to the relationship and that "the crazy butterfly" feelings gets to being in love. She didn't care and broke up with me, I hope she realizes she made a mistake before I move on.