We Reconnected and Were Going Strong WTH Happened?

[SailorGirl925]

I am 51 and my boyfriend just turned 56. We have been on and off for a while, recently reconnecting back in February. The past 4 months went were going well until....he got fired from his job after 10 years.

 

I felt badly for him and held his hand thru the first few weeks where he was basically in shock from being fired. He has always had a good life (his father gave him a house, his son went into the Air Force, he owns a boat, truck, Corvette) and he always has been a little narcissistic and arrogant, thinking he's better than others at times. This is what caused me to get turned off in the past and break up - he is self absorbed.

 

So being fired rocked his world and brought him down off his high horse. He told me I was an "angel" for being there for him during this time and he became a much nicer person. Not so arrogant anymore having lost the job.

 

I spent days encouraging him and telling him he'd find another job. I have a great job and am doing well on my own. He just purchased a large boat and had to sell the Corvette to his son to relieve some of his debt. He has no mortgage since daddy gave him a house. He is luckier than most in that aspect. He was denied unemployment.

 

He has had severe highs and severe lows. He's applied at competitors of the place he worked for and after feeling confident he would be offered a job, no offers came. He got fired for fudging inventory numbers and telling a coworker to fudge numbers too. He has no computer skills or college degree and is finding it hard at 56 to find other work.

 

So in the meantime things were going well with us. With him being a lot more humble and nicer, we had many great talks and even discussed getting married and retiring. We both love to hunt and fish, etc.

 

Recently I noticed he wasn't searching for a job and stopped calling me on a regular basis. After asking him "What's wrong" to the point of ad nauseum, I gave up. His texts were "I'm ok". Then on a Friday he said he was leaving town to go visit his dad and talk to him.

 

I said ok and made plans to spend a weekend at the beach at a friends condo. Since then I have not hear a peep from him. It's been 9 days.

 

I reached out and reached out these last few months to where now I'm kind of pissed. I don't know if he needed to hit his dad up for money or what. He never called me since and I didn't bother to call him. His birthday was 4 days ago and I just ignored him. No call or text. If he is going to up and leave town and just ignore me - I will do the same.

 

I was really there for him these past few months and now I have no clue what happened. Was I too nice? I tried everything to cheer him up and encourage him. Then to ignore me? I know it's a huge blow to his ego to have lost his job, can't afford his new boat and car, but it's the best thing that could happen because he always thought he was better than everyone else.

 

I saw a nicer side to him recently and even he said karma was getting back at him because he's been a jerk to a lot of people (me included). I think I was just too nice this time. He took me for granted and now he's dissapeared.

 

I've employed the infamous No Contact rule. I'm upset and heartbroken because I was truly there for him without asking for anything in return. He said he'd never forget me being there for him....blah, blah, blah.

 

WTH happened? I am going to stick with No Contact but it hurts and I feel like he used me. I'm confused and honestly don't know what prompted him to suddenly go visit his dad for the weekend and then not contact me since.

 

Any advice? I love him but I refuse to be treated like this and if he is going to discard me and ignore me, I'm not calling or reaching out anymore.

 

I have no clue what happened. I'm sure he is back at home sitting on his couch wondering what he is going to do. Seems like the last few weeks we talked that's all he was doing - watching tv and being depressed. I helped him revamp his resume but he never sent it out to anyone.

 

You would think after all our serious talks about getting married and being together forever he would need me. If I was in his shoes I would not treat him the way he treated me. Maybe he is embarrassed? I have no clue what happened. I just know I'm upset and hurt for suddenly being discarded and ignored.

 

What should I do? Accept this as a breakup and move on?

 

We reconciled the first time, a year ago, after he contacted me and asked me to dinner. We broke up the first time just from our differences and his arrogant attitude. When we met for dinner he was acting weird (he is the one who suggested dinner). When I refused to go back to his place and have sex he didnt' call me for days. I emailed him and he said there was no attraction to me anymore. I found out he was dating someone else. I was devastated and hurt. Then around Christmas of 2013 he started texting me again. Six months later he came back saying I was the one for him.... I agreed to start seeing him again....and then all this happened.

 

Am I a fool for even giving him another chance? Sure seems like it. I just need help sticking with the NC rule.

 

It's especially hard for me because I have no family. My son is now grown so being alone is really hard. He lives close by and we both enjoy the outdoors and are compatible in that respect. He just keeps playing me. The first time we broke up - I initiated it. I feel he keeps reeling me back in to get back at me for breaking up with him the first time.

 

Maybe I'm just lonely and settling for less than I deserve?

Edited July 6, 2014 by SailorGirl925

[lilacwine]

I think he's still very much the immature and irresponsible jerk who thinks he's better than others and who think he can treat anyone anyway he pleases without considering that person's feelings. In my own experience, I've met a few men like this who have played with my emotions time and time again til I got tired of their games and I can say without a doubt that no matter how nice you're to them, they will never appreciate you and will never change.

 

I'm sorry but you just need to move on and cut him out of your life forever if you don't want to get hurt again. Some people just refuse to grow up no matter how old they get.