camillerose Posted July 5, 2014 Share Posted July 5, 2014 (edited) This is going to be quite long but please bear with me! I've been thinking about an ex of mine quite a lot lately, and I just need to talk to someone about it. We were together nearly 5 years ago, we fell in love very quickly and very deeply and had a very strong connection. But due to immaturity on both parts, and my insecurities getting the better of me we broke up. It was a messy break up and we couldn't let go of eachother and were then on and off for about a year after until we made a clean break, realising we couldn't continue like this. I cut off all contact with him and ignored any contact he tried to make, as I was hurting badly and it took me a while to get over the relationship. One birthday a few years later he contacted me, and I realised I had let go of all the bad feelings and I was happy to hear from him. We chatted briefly..but felt like talking to a stranger. Then a few months later I contacted him on his birthday and again we chatted briefly but more fluidly ..and since then we have been chatting on and off (as friends I presume). Its been 4-5 years since we were together and I know I've changed a great deal. When we were together I always used to blame him for any issues we had, not realising my own insecurities were causing a lot of damage. Now that I've grown up, I can see that now and I want to apologise to him. Its been really nice chatting to him and catching up lately, and it makes me realise I haven't met anyone since him who I liked as much or who I get on with so well. Talking to him makes me miss him, and what we once had. I recently dated someone who really hurt me, and it just made me miss this ex more.. I know I've grown up a hell of a lot, and don't even recognise the person I was back then. I'd like to meet up with him, and see whether he has changed too (I'm sure he has). But I don't want to chase after him because he was the one that ended things back then... although I do feel like I need to apologise to him. Is it crazy to want someone I was with so long ago? How do I let him know I am interested without chasing after him? Should I apologise to him? I don't want to get too deep and bring up the past too much, because we have only been talking about lighthearted things lately. But I'm sure he doesn't have a girlfriend otherwise he wouldn't be talking to me. I haven't met anyone else I like half as much since him, and I kind of don't want to experience any what if's later in life... what if he is the one and we just met eachother back then when we were too young? Edited July 5, 2014 by camillerose Link to post Share on other sites
noskilljustluck Posted July 6, 2014 Share Posted July 6, 2014 (edited) Hmm.. You say youve matured up, but youre not even being straight here. There are two ways of checking in on another's reaction, direct or indirect approach. You've done neither of them, which is good as I think you need to be completely sure of his relationship status before making a move. Second If he's single, then drop a hint. I would not advise to go head on asking him 'why do you keep in touch' as obviously, questions like these are asked first hand when dumper/dumpee reconciles and breaks NC Third Dont even make a foolish attempt of stacking statements like 'Ive been thinking of us'. You can do that, but only when you are back with him. Before that, it seems too needy and clingy. Fourth Try to be more open instead. Let him know about your experiences if he shows a positive response after your hint. You may apologize lightly if after the hint he gives a good answer. Im saying so, because you two are still playing defensive and talking about light things. And its not crazy, its feasible. Edited July 6, 2014 by Irisu Link to post Share on other sites
nadinefleur Posted July 6, 2014 Share Posted July 6, 2014 How do I hint though? If I'm not direct with him like you say, then you say I will come across needy/desperate Its my birthday soon, and I thought I wait to see if he would contact. If he does then I will apologise about my actions in the past and tell him I still care. Would this come across as needy/desperate? Link to post Share on other sites
noskilljustluck Posted July 6, 2014 Share Posted July 6, 2014 How do I hint though? If I'm not direct with him like you say, then you say I will come across needy/desperate Its my birthday soon, and I thought I wait to see if he would contact. If he does then I will apologise about my actions in the past and tell him I still care. Would this come across as needy/desperate? Yes, if he makes contact with you on your birthday then you may try apologizing. But dont go telling him you care, not yet. You got to see what words/actions does he come up with. Its not right to just lay down all of your feelings infront of him like that, take it easy. Good things take time. If he shows vulnerability, then you may open up your sour side too. Otherwise, its best to stay quiet as opening up about your feelings will just hurt you as you would start expecting too much. Link to post Share on other sites
Scorpio Chick Posted July 6, 2014 Share Posted July 6, 2014 Camillerose, it is not too late! First, neither one of you is married. Secondly, he initiated a lot of contact it seems like through the past years. Also, 5 years is a good enough time that, yes, you probably did mature and you gained a lot of perspective about your shortcomings while in the relationship with him. And, so what if it's been 10 years ago since ya'll broke up? That doesn't mean anything as far as it being 'too long' and you can't get reinvolved! It may not be, as is said, 'meant to be', but then again, who knows? It sounds like it's on a good path, even if ya'll only have a friendship. To me, this sounds promising BUT, here's where my advice comes in and strongly: DO NOT MAKE THE FIRST MOVE IN WORDS OR ACTIONS regarding a "relationship" with him. First, if you do, and he takes you up on it, I think, given the history and especially because he ended it the first time, you may always wonder if he just went along with it or really wanted it. Let HIM make the first move. If he wants a second chance with you, he will make that known if ya'll stay in contact. In fact, right now, this fluidity in your conversations now, the upbeatness of it, is fertile soil for a second chance. I would caution you though in thinking that just because he's talking to you that he doesn't have a girlfriend, he could. But anyway...do not make the first move, just keep being upbeat, friendly, let him initiate most of the contact. Keep us posted because to me, this sounds promising. Link to post Share on other sites
Philomena_Pond Posted July 6, 2014 Share Posted July 6, 2014 Why not just start talking to him more and then move it to the phone and then in person? You don't have to say "let's get back together." Just start hanging out and see where it leads… Link to post Share on other sites
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