FoolHeartedMan Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Hey Guys, Going to make this relatively short. Me and my ex have been broken up for almost a year. It was a 5 year relationship and I was the one who dumped her. I was her first boyfriend and and first everything. I totally regretted ending it and resorted to pleading and begging for her to come back. I even wrote her an emotional letter. She told me that she had forgiven me and did not want to see me in a sad state. I thought that I would be alright because she was responding to me. After a couple more texts and emails from my end, she completely stopped responding to me and eventually told me that I needed to move on. Four months after the breakup, she sent a package to me filled with all of our sentimental stuff such as (pictures, movie tickets, birthday cards, etc.). I was pretty devastated but I did not attempt to contact her for clarification. It's been very difficult for me to wake up everyday knowing that it could potentially be over because I am still very much in love with her and miss her a lot. The thing is, I found out through a mutual friend that she will be soon be moving up to my city in order to start a new job. I have been in NC for almost 7 months. I felt like I was doing okay with my life, but when I found out that she was moving up, I felt like I am back to square one and have a false sense of hope. Am I wrong to to believe there is some sense of hope being that she is moving up? I want her back but has she completely moved on being that there has been no contact within 7 months? Although I was the one who dumped her, I ultimately feel like I am the one who was dumped. Please help. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyConnection23 Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 All of the advice on this forum is for dumpees to wait until the dumper comes out and clearly says "I screwed up. I want you back and I want to be with you forever." or something to that effect. But it sounds like you did this. On the other hand, now that she is moving closer to your city you have a chance to rekindle things on a friendly basis. I'd reach out to her when she is in your area and offer to get drinks and start something casual. You need to show how that your feelings have changed and slowly convince her that you are committed to being with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoolHeartedMan Posted June 13, 2014 Author Share Posted June 13, 2014 All of the advice on this forum is for dumpees to wait until the dumper comes out and clearly says "I screwed up. I want you back and I want to be with you forever." or something to that effect. But it sounds like you did this. On the other hand, now that she is moving closer to your city you have a chance to rekindle things on a friendly basis. I'd reach out to her when she is in your area and offer to get drinks and start something casual. You need to show how that your feelings have changed and slowly convince her that you are committed to being with her. How do I do this if she has been ignoring every one of my texts, emails, calls, etc...After the BU, I was the one who begged and pleaded and appeared very vulnerable but to no avail. I thought at one point she had forgiven me because she said she did and that she did not want to hurt me. Then, she resorted to ignoring every one of my attempts at contacting her shortafter. I believe that she also doesn't know that I know she is moving up. Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyConnection23 Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 How do I do this if she has been ignoring every one of my texts, emails, calls, etc...After the BU, I was the one who begged and pleaded and appeared very vulnerable but to no avail. I thought at one point she had forgiven me because she said she did and that she did not want to hurt me. Then, she resorted to ignoring every one of my attempts at contacting her shortafter. I believe that she also doesn't know that I know she is moving up. Send her one last heartfelt message where you are direct and to the point about what you want to say. "XXX, I screwed up. I want you back. The last 7 months have been torture." If she doesn't respond, you know what you need to do... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Scorpio Chick Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 (edited) You know, there are a lot of people that will admonish you and practically shake their finger at you, 'oh goodness, don't you DARE hope, that is foolish, don't have hope, MOVE ON, just be sure, don't have any hope!!!!' For pete's sake, you clearly already have some hope AND SO WHAT?? You're not married yet, SHE'S not married yet. Have some hope!! NOTHING wrong with that.......as long as you don't stand still. Having hope in reconciling with an ex does not make it mutually exclusive that you can't or shouldn't go on about your life like you're completely single, which, right now you are. You can do both! You could just, oh I don't know, live your life, and meanwhile, somewhere in your heart, you have a kernel of hope, or we could call it a wish, that maybe you and this girl will see each other again. I wouldn't pressure the situation but as far as hoping, I think hope is a good thing. AS LONG AS YOU'RE NOT BANKING ON IT, and you don't sound like you would be. That is not to say, don't bank on it, buddy. It's just to say, go easy on yourself and if you have some hope, so be it!! And if it so happens, as can happen, that you both get together again, then you wouldn't have been bogged down and mired in sadness all this time, which is really a waste of your precious life. In the meantime, go on about your life, meet other girls, etc... I wish you the best. Edited June 13, 2014 by Scorpio Chick 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoolHeartedMan Posted June 13, 2014 Author Share Posted June 13, 2014 You know, there are a lot of people that will admonish you and practically shake their finger at you, 'oh goodness, don't you DARE hope, that is foolish, don't have hope, MOVE ON, just be sure, don't have any hope!!!!' For pete's sake, you clearly already have some hope AND SO WHAT?? You're not married yet, SHE'S not married yet. Have some hope!! NOTHING wrong with that.......as long as you don't stand still. Having hope in reconciling with an ex does not make it mutually exclusive that you can't or shouldn't go on about your life like you're completely single, which, right now you are. You can do both! You could just, oh I don't know, live your life, and meanwhile, somewhere in your heart, you have a kernel of hope, or we could call it a wish, that maybe you and this girl will see each other again. I wouldn't pressure the situation but as far as hoping, I think hope is a good thing. AS LONG AS YOU'RE NOT BANKING ON IT, and you don't sound like you would be. That is not to say, don't bank on it, buddy. It's just to say, go easy on yourself and if you have some hope, so be it!! And if it so happens, as can happen, that you both get together again, then you wouldn't have been bogged down and mired in sadness all this time, which is really a waste of your precious life. In the meantime, go on about your life, meet other girls, etc... I wish you the best. I can't tell you how much this post made me feel so much better! And I thank you for sharing your opinion and not stating the typical obvious as other people might have otherwise done. I can tell you that there are times (almost every day) when I do feel very depressed and sad and wonder if this is "the one that I let get away" and fill my thoughts with regret and despair. However, with your post I feel like maybe there isn't anything wrong with hoping just as long as I keep living my life and doing me. Thank you so much Scorpio Chick! Link to post Share on other sites
FredJones80 Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Maybe you should ask yourself why you broke up in the first place? That could still be an issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoolHeartedMan Posted June 13, 2014 Author Share Posted June 13, 2014 Maybe you should ask yourself why you broke up in the first place? That could still be an issue. I can say that I never cheated on her nor abused her in any way. It was more of a personality/characteristic type of thing that caused the BU. It's been almost a year since the BU, and I can honestly say that I've evaluated myself and thought about the reasons why we broke up. There are a lot of things that I've learned about myself and ways in which I feel I have changed. I want a chance to be able to show her these things but it's just so hard when she's been ignoring me so hard. Link to post Share on other sites
FredJones80 Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 But if you ended it then you had issues with her personality surely? How do you know SHE has changed? Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoolHeartedMan Posted June 13, 2014 Author Share Posted June 13, 2014 But if you ended it then you had issues with her personality surely? How do you know SHE has changed? I feel like most of the problems were my own issues and I believe I have worked them out. I just want a chance to speak to her and to show her. Link to post Share on other sites
flight E Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Contrary to what you have been advised, I think you should get over her first. Hope or no hope. U sound needy of her. No insult meant. That guarantees failure in mending fences with her. Good thing she is your town. Just relax. If she remains there, you will meet and things can happen but they won't if you are pining 4 her Link to post Share on other sites
AlphaC Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Hey Guys, Going to make this relatively short. Me and my ex have been broken up for almost a year. It was a 5 year relationship and I was the one who dumped her. I was her first boyfriend and and first everything. I totally regretted ending it and resorted to pleading and begging for her to come back. I even wrote her an emotional letter. She told me that she had forgiven me and did not want to see me in a sad state. I thought that I would be alright because she was responding to me. After a couple more texts and emails from my end, she completely stopped responding to me and eventually told me that I needed to move on. Four months after the breakup, she sent a package to me filled with all of our sentimental stuff such as (pictures, movie tickets, birthday cards, etc.). I was pretty devastated but I did not attempt to contact her for clarification. It's been very difficult for me to wake up everyday knowing that it could potentially be over because I am still very much in love with her and miss her a lot. The thing is, I found out through a mutual friend that she will be soon be moving up to my city in order to start a new job. I have been in NC for almost 7 months. I felt like I was doing okay with my life, but when I found out that she was moving up, I felt like I am back to square one and have a false sense of hope. Am I wrong to to believe there is some sense of hope being that she is moving up? Please help. Forget what these other posters are telling you, forget hope!! Concentrate on the here and now, here are the facts: 7 months no contact + she told you to move on. Doesn't get any clearer than that. You didn't hear from her that she was moving to your city, she is not telegraphing to you any info that would lead you to believe she wants to rekindle that old failed relationship!! Dude, you broke up with her for Christ sakes, you probably broke this woman's heart and now she wants nothing to do with you. What's wrong, you can't get another woman??? OH I know, this ex of your's... "She is so...... ....." please my friend, you were with her for 5 years and you didn't marry her. Instead you dumped her. She healed, left you alone and now is moving to your city to start a job. She is probably seeing someone who is serious about her, either way she sampled what you have and wants no more of it, time to get over it. Read any of the stories on LS, dumpers come back because they are lonely, they jumped ship (GIGS) and things didn't workout, that's why they come back to the dumpee. I know, I know, there is that 1 in a million relationship that works out after a break up, and that's what you want to hang on to. The excuses dumpers make up to end things are childish, when you love and care for someone you create reasons to stay together and not excuses to break up. Before you tell me that she "is the one for you, she is so....," remember it was you who pulled the plug. Leave her alone brother, there are millions of women on the planet, be a man and grow up, learn to move forward not backwards, she is not for you and DO NOT make her move to your city miserable. Peace Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Maybe there's a chance, maybe not. But if there is a chance, you need to pay a price here. If i was her, i'd say to myself - "words words words cost nothing. He may come back and dump me again. I dont trust him" Only a price, a sacrifice can convince her to think that you've changed. Link to post Share on other sites
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