How to get my ex to forgive me?

[kewlarchies]

There is this girl I proposed two years back, only because I wanted a girlfriend. She said yes. I didn't love her. She didn't look much good either at that time. But I knew I could make her lot better, and I did. The relationship was always Sadomasochistic... She was always trying to live upto my expectations. I rarely cared for her feelings. And would break up every now and then, thinking only about how bad I felt. She would cry a lot, and I would give in and return to her out of pity. I had respected her from the start for her extremely good behavior towards everyone, especially me. Her nice nature slowly enchanted me big time, since nice nature is what I look for in a girl as the first thing. But I still got this feeling that she was with me only because she couldn't find anyone better and will leave me in my bad times. I was always insecure that if I love her, she will cheat me and leave my like my last girlfriend. And since I was 2 years junior to her, most of her male friends already hated me, and female friends also started hating me, because I didn't treat her well.

 

Whenever I broke up with her, she would be literally crying and pleading, "Please, don't leave me" and so would be her this one friend (I will refer to her later). I would tell both of them that I am currently emotionally unstable, so leave me alone for a few months while I gather myself up and then I will return. But my gf would never believe that and plead me to stay. But hearing from her every time, that her love for me will only end in death. I thought that she will never leave me.. And after 1 year of relationship, I opened up to her about my insecurities. I started caring for her slowly. I still stayed a bit of sadist. But started doing things for her unpredictably, which would make her really happy. And I started loving her smile and that glint of happiness in her eyes. I took her on a 5-days vacation with me (And one more for 3 days after another 5 months) . Lived with her. And became very close to her emotionally. My caring behavior made her status rise and she slowly started resisting my over-dominance, and started accusing me that I don't love her or I don't have time only for her, which was not intentionally true, now that I was into her. I didn't mind. Because I had started caring for her. I, one day, realized, I have some levels of Social Phobia in me. I didn't hide it from her.. And went to see a Psychiatrist about it. But at that same time, without telling her, I also started seeing another psychologist, who could clear my emotions, so that I could make her happy. My psychologist told me that I have high levels of Narcissistic traits, Borderline Personality and Anti-Social Behavior.

I am an amateur lady-charmer.. So it never affected me.. On the contrary, I had made my self this way through self-help books, when my last girlfriend cheated had cheated on me, so that I can become insensitive and no one could hurt me; and I had succeeded in it. But I started trying to change myself again, in every way I could for this girl to make her happy. I even made her meet my parents. I had fallen for her too, the reason I took her on vacation. I had planned my whole future with her.

 

But since personality isn't completely changed in a month, I sometimes did dominate. And one day broke up with her again, when she didn't meet me, and I accused her for not having time for me. Earlier she was always living in an endless fear that I may leave her for a prettier girl, due to all the fun I made of her. But now, I too was insecure of her leaving me for someone else like my last gf. We had a fight, and I broke up. I also sent her a text stating how ugly she was and how much everyone around me hated her face. I also put a photo of a friend kissing me on cheek from one year back, because she was very jealous of this girl and thought I cheated her with this girl. I relented both my deeds later. I thought I am a lady-charmer and I will easily find a new girlfriend... And get over this one. But when a girl proposed me, I couldn't say 'yes' to her. I instead said 'no' to her, and few days later even scolded her for constantly behaving like my girlfriend.

 

From two years before when I had completely lost regard for women after getting badly cheated by my first love, I now had immense regard and respect for this girl. I couldn't say yes to any other relationship. I couldn't hurt anyone else emotionally anymore. I was even against Friends With Benefits, and put this one girl's offer on hold while I tried to apologize and get her back after 3-4 months.

 

I called and messaged her in-numerous times, but she didn't respond. So I went to her house because I knew she would like it. She loves being cared for. I spoke to her and she said that she will respond to me in 2 days. I later even apologized to one of her friends (I referred to earlier), whose call I had once cut when I had broken up temporarily with my gf, and hadn't talked since. And then I realized that it was this friend who was always filling my gf against me and how I was using her... The reason why my gf didn't try to get back to me and now was resisting me. This friend of hers told me, that she will never let me get back with her. She was just doing what a best friend would (as the girl who offered me Friends-With Benefits made me realize) And since my gf told her everything I did, including my visit to her place, this friend told her not to reply to me, as she promised she would in two days. After in-numerous calls, she finally spoke to me on call, and told me she doesn't want to be friends with me, since I was her ex (I had asked her to only be friends with me, without a relationship, since I didn't want to lose what was left of my ego). And I didn't stress enough on relationship when I did mention it, and it gave an impression that I didn't really want it and was saying it only due to lack of other options with her. She ultimately said that she is now committed, but I could tell she was lying at this stage,, because, like her friend had commanded her, she shouldn't forgive me. I was so anxious and eager for her forgiveness, that I even created a website in a day (we are Computer Engineers) for her to apologize and published it on internet. She never opened it. Because if she had, the counter would have told me when she reached halfway through it. I called her more... Because I knew it was her friend speaking, not my gf (now ex!) herself... She herself had indirectly admitted to this on the phone when we talked. So I called her more. At night I called once her, and she was on another call, with 75%-80% chances that it was her friend, and 20%-25% chances that it was a new boyfriend, which I don't believe, but still keeping that as an option!

So I received a phone a phone call from a guy. He told me that I didn't talk sophisticated with girls, beat them... The call was to threaten me. And I knew that this guy was a friend of my gf's ( now ex) friend, otherwise he would have known, that I didn't talk in an unsophisticated manner with my ex in a very long time and didn't beat her ever! So I threatened him bad. He even refrained from telling his name.

 

I now felt, does this girl really deserve my apology? I mean sure she does. But I have been apologizing so hard. Does she deserve this level of my apology. Because few months back, she used to say, "I will never stop loving you ever", and now she agreed to her friend to let her get a guy to threaten me? I decided I will stop apologizing to her because she isn't what she said she would be.

 

So not to sound like I am running away since I got a call to threaten me, I used that guy's number, found his name, and found that he was her friend's friend and found more irrelevant details as well. I then sent her a text stating that I don't want her forgiveness anymore, but that guy to meet me (because I know I will beat his ass up) along with the police notice(I didn't care, I have big sources to get me out of any such thing) he promised at my doorstep the next day(yesterday). I also wrote that if I don't get the police notice, I will get him one for trying to threaten me (which I will today).

 

 

 

Now my question is 'Do I deserve her, now that I have changed for her completely?' and if the answer to it is a 'yes', 'What do I do to get her back?' I know I have been wrong before. But do you, unbiased people, think that I am right now or still wrong? (Whatever I have written is completely unbiased.)

 

Thank You in advance

[KaliLove]

Yes, she deserved an apology. You treated her like garbage and now she understandably does not want you in her life. Leave the poor girl alone, you've done enough damage to her.

[kewlarchies]

I know u r right, I should probably leave her. But there is this intense wish inside me, to give her all the happiness I can. I want to make up for whatever I did. N it's not just repentance, it's because I really love her now. When I didn't love her, I knew all the eays toget her. I that I do love her, I can't find ways to get her.

[No Limit]

Your apology was enough, although I dare say that by now she too couldn't care less. And while you may have changed, I'm happy your ex has that girlfriend that takes care of her and protects her from people like the type you once were.

 

I suggest you look for another girl, because this one won't react to you anymore and regarding your history with her rightly so. This train's gone.

[KaliLove]

You can give her happiness by leaving her alone. She's not interested.

[kewlarchies]

Fine, I will leave her alone. Thank You

[TaraMaiden]

Fine, I will leave her alone. Thank You

 

Good choice.

And in the meantime, work on your attitude; you cannot use people and abuse them in this way. You need to discover what in you, is so flawed, and why, that you could ever have done such a thing in the first place.