learning_slowly Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 I have hopefully told people to generally stay NC and be strong. I thought I could handle contact as I accidentally deleted some files, and I knew she had copies, so I asked if she could forward them to me. After some back and forth, I got the files, but I couldn't help but bring up the past! I wasn't angry or anything like that, but just reminded myself that I would never be the father to her children etc. It hurt, hard. So my advice is, even when you think you're quite a way through it, if you can help it, stay away. Otherwise, do the minimum chat that you can get away with. And then forget about any more contact. Otherwise you will feel the pain again, that you don't need to feel. I know I didn't need to feel it and I'm not a masochist, so learn from my mistake and then you won't need to wipe away those tears again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author learning_slowly Posted April 17, 2014 Author Share Posted April 17, 2014 And again I repeat NC. I continued a text conversation all night. Not a good idea, as it builds hope. I need to take my own advice. Ask her once outright, and then no contact if she tells me there's no hope. Is it better to text, phone or leave her alone? Link to post Share on other sites
Author learning_slowly Posted April 20, 2014 Author Share Posted April 20, 2014 In the end I didn't ask the question, as I already knew the answer. Sometimes your brain takes a while to figure it out! Link to post Share on other sites
Jiivy Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 that in itself is progress I suppose - you already know the answer. It's done... Most of us here on LS seem to be in the throes of recent heartache. I commend you to keep going - you're not alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author learning_slowly Posted April 20, 2014 Author Share Posted April 20, 2014 Thanks, I was told towards the end of February, so it has taken about 2 months to get here. But already I am in a much better place than I was. My advice to combat the nagging pain is: 1. Do daily exercise 2. Keep busy 3. Become a 'Yes man' from the Jim Carey movie. 4. A vitamin D3 supplement 5. Remove all reminders of the other person as soon as possible. 6. Eat some dark chocolate And if you look at them, apart from no.5, they are all good practices for life anyway. Hopefully, we'll all get over it sooner rather than later, and I have to thank this site for helping speed that process along. I know I will buy the premium membership this week to show that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smileforelena Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I did that break NC thinking I must be doing well after 4 months. And how can texting him a holiday greeting hurt. we were supposed to have been friends first before we got involved so..Biggest mistake ever! the greeting turned to small talk turned to all night conversation which turned to "how could you hurt me so" venting session...it was bad. and its like once he engaged in the conversation i just wanted more even when it became a toxic one. its the breadcrumb mentality i think. when i got his attention i'd do and take anything to keep it. when that conversation ended i was left with a much bigger hole in my heart, more questions in my head and again drag myself to start line to recovery. and i thought i kne myself to have a low level of tolerance for pain.. so true about the list..but i love number 6 the best...i lost so much weight right after BU that i actually needed to eat all the ice cream and chocolate and chips that i could get my hands on. but im in a better place now health wise and other wise... Link to post Share on other sites
Author learning_slowly Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 Yes, sometimes I think we get masochistic urges to feel the pain as it reminds of the love we had. I've learnt now there seems to be no benefit from contact, unless you're after files only @ smileforelena Treats are good: during bad times, they let us remember what good times are. Link to post Share on other sites
Jiivy Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 As awful as it sounds, seeing the fall out from breaking NC gives me strength to keep it going. I have the added complication of my ex having jumped in to bed with a new guy weeks after she ended our engagement...so that DEFINITELY helps. The last thing I want to do is call her while she's underneath her new plaything...UGH 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smileforelena Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I have the added complication of my ex having jumped in to bed with a new guy weeks after she ended our engagement...so that DEFINITELY helps. The last thing I want to do is call her while she's underneath her new plaything...UGH jiivy sorry to hear that...thats motivation enough to keep NC. eventually you will realize that you care less and less...this might not seem to be anytime in the near future but it will happen 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jiivy Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 jiivy sorry to hear that...thats motivation enough to keep NC. eventually you will realize that you care less and less...this might not seem to be anytime in the near future but it will happen It will for all of us. I'm excited to get to a place where I can be past this and find a better love again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts