what is wrong with me?

[rns4lyfe]

This is going to be a long post, I need to get everything out and I love forums for this very reason.

 

I met my first love when we were 12. He was my first everything. He was so funny, charming, outgoing, silly and he was so much like me. Unfortunately, he had a crappy attitude and temper when he got angry and was so spiteful and mean. He pointed out my flaws a lot and contributed to my self esteem issues back then.

 

We argued often but we made up and the friendship was a lot of fun. Fast forward to freshman year of high school, that's when things too a turn for the worse. We were in a relationship but we drifted apart, he was so focused on what people thought about him and his appearance and trying to be cool. We had a bad argument and he didn't something very public and humiliating to me and I realized that things had to change. We broke up but he wouldn't leave me alone. We'd have arguments on sconex and MySpace everyday and It was just mentally exhausting. We got back together but broke up afterwards. He came to my house and acted all charming but exposed some of the things I did with a friend at school and got me in trouble. I finally walked away from it all before the beginning of sophomore year. High school was extremely hard because all people did was mention what he would say about me and how they would see him around school and it was very stressful. Those three years of high school was so hard but I got through them and kinda got over him.

 

Senior year, we started talking a bit, it was weird. We had two classes together and we talked a bit but nothing like we did before and I missed it. I don't know why but I missed the past and I don't know why I expected him to be the same towards me. After we graduated, we chatted a bit in 2010 and even had plans to hook up again, guess I was wanting to see what changed.

 

The summer of 2010 I got with my bf I have now and things were good but I compared him to my ex, I compared all of my bf's after him to my ex because even though he was an *******. He just got me so well. The end of 2011 I gave birth to my first child and I was pretty much over my ex even though I still though about him from time to time and he popped up in my dreams too. The last time I spoke to my ex was after I had the baby, he said congratulations.

 

Let's fast forward to last month. Lately, I had been feeling like there's a void in my life. I love my bf but he's so boring, quiet and reserved at times. I feel like we're opposites but he treats me good and he loves me. I just wish he was fun and exciting and called me beautiful every now and then. I asked God to send me a sign and I asked him why I was thinking about my ex. A few weeks ago I ran into him and it was like our friendship never ended we was vibing really well. He asked for my number and I texted him and things were going well, we had planned to hang out soon.

 

The problem is, I always text him, if I don't text, we won't talk. I can understand that because he works and is busy but it takes no time to send a text! Everyone has a smartphone these days! you see my text and don't respond back, Its rude. He is the one who asked for my number, why ask if you don't wanna talk to me? Also, I asked him a few times in advance would he come out for my birthday and he said he would then he said he had to work and money was tight which is understandable but he didn't call or text me for my birthday! I deleted his number but I need help understanding this. I just wanted a friendship not sex, that's what I missed the most. He even said he still thinks of me. I feel crazy for even feeling this way.

[StrongLass]

"What's wrong with me?"

 

You're saying you want a friendship but what you seem to really be after is the BEST Friends connection you once had (OR a shot at romance again if you're REALLY not being honest with yourself).

 

Thing is, that's all in the past & you're clearly not his #1 anymore- so you're either going to have to come to accept that or figure out what you actually want from your old buddy & for yourself.

[Heroeric]

When you truly loved someone, you never really move on 100%. It's just how it is with the human heart. The problem isn't with you still having feelings, it's with the lack of communication. Communication is the heart and soul of a relationship, and you don't seem to have it with your bf. What I mean is, it's extremely important that you two are openly able to share eachother thoughts and feelings, only then can any relationship have a chance.

 

Among other things, your better off not going back to your ex. You sumed him all up in this post, he just isn't the right guy, and he isn't really interested. Plus why lose the father of your son whenn he might make you even happier once you get communication going. Trust me, your ex hasn't changed. Some people change when the going gets rough, but it's gotten rough and it hasn't, he isn't gonna change at all for you. But your current bf, at least talk to him and express how you feel about the relationship. Give him a chance to make you happier.

 

Trust me when I say communication makes and breaks relationship. Its not your bf isn't enough like you, a real man strikes to make his lovey happy, but without the communication how can he know? So he has to wing it, even the longest of relationships will experience this without proper talk.

[rns4lyfe]

"What's wrong with me?"

 

You're saying you want a friendship but what you seem to really be after is the BEST Friends connection you once had (OR a shot at romance again if you're REALLY not being honest with yourself).

 

Thing is, that's all in the past & you're clearly not his #1 anymore- so you're either going to have to come to accept that or figure out what you actually want from your old buddy & for yourself.

I want a friendship like we used to have and by talking to him when we ran into each other, I figured he wanted the same since he said he still talks and thinks about me too.

If that went well, I wouldn't mind being his best friend if he has matured as a person. Our falling out was 8 years ago and I went over 4 years without seeing him. I dont want a relationship with him though, I'm not tearing my family apart. I feel like thats missing from my life and it's bothering me and after having one of those chance encounters, I was sure it was a sign from God. I deleted his number because I think he was just all talk and no action or just too busy. I don't wanna be his number one again, a little communication would be nice but I guess he stopped caring.

[rns4lyfe]

When you truly loved someone, you never really move on 100%. It's just how it is with the human heart. The problem isn't with you still having feelings, it's with the lack of communication. Communication is the heart and soul of a relationship, and you don't seem to have it with your bf. What I mean is, it's extremely important that you two are openly able to share eachother thoughts and feelings, only then can any relationship have a chance.

 

Among other things, your better off not going back to your ex. You sumed him all up in this post, he just isn't the right guy, and he isn't really interested. Plus why lose the father of your son whenn he might make you even happier once you get communication going. Trust me, your ex hasn't changed. Some people change when the going gets rough, but it's gotten rough and it hasn't, he isn't gonna change at all for you. But your current bf, at least talk to him and express how you feel about the relationship. Give him a chance to make you happier.

 

Trust me when I say communication makes and breaks relationship. Its not your bf isn't enough like you, a real man strikes to make his lovey happy, but without the communication how can he know? So he has to wing it, even the longest of relationships will experience this without proper talk.

I've spent 4 Years with my boyfriend and he is so antisocial, he doesn't like going out, doesn't like people, doesn't talk much with me. He's pretty boring but I do love him. I just want that spark I felt with my first love that I haven't felt with anyone else. I want that chemistry and passion.

[rns4lyfe]

Bump!!! Thinking about this is driving me Insane!

[d0nnivain]

You are immature. You are a mom now & you are upset that your relationship with your BF -- your baby's father -- has more reality & less hearts & flowers then you imagined yourself having as a teen. Your EX BF represents a carefree time in your life. You want that back.

 

 

Just because we have the ability to communicate isn't doesn't mean we're obligated. You don't know where your EXs cell phone is required to be during his work shift. Not everybody can make personal calls during the work day.

 

 

Your EX probably realizes you have a kid with somebody else & he might not be willing to restart something with you.

[Heroeric]

^ I agree

 

A responsible life isn't always a fun one. But like I said in my post, you gotta try talking about it with him. Like honestly, be upfront and real about everything. See how you two think on each other's current thoughts. Until then, your only gonna be convincing yourself your ex is the best way to go, and he really isn't.

[rns4lyfe]

You are immature. You are a mom now & you are upset that your relationship with your BF -- your baby's father -- has more reality & less hearts & flowers then you imagined yourself having as a teen. Your EX BF represents a carefree time in your life. You want that back.

 

 

Just because we have the ability to communicate isn't doesn't mean we're obligated. You don't know where your EXs cell phone is required to be during his work shift. Not everybody can make personal calls during the work day.

 

 

Your EX probably realizes you have a kid with somebody else & he might not be willing to restart something with you.

how the hell am I immature because I want a friendship?! He reached out to me! He asked me for my number! Now he doesn't contact me at all and it makes no sense! I do not want to go back into a relationship with my ex, I have a boyfriend and a child. Yes I have a child, does that mean I can't have friendships and enjoy myself? I know people are busy with their lives and I already know that but it takes no time to call or text someone. He isn't obligated to contact me in any way but it sucks being ignored.

[conf]

I just wanted a friendship not sex, that's what I missed the most.

 

I just want that spark I felt with my first love that I haven't felt with anyone else. I want that chemistry and passion.

 

Friendship with chemistry and passion like friends with benefits?

 

Yes I have a child, does that mean I can't have friendships and enjoy myself?

 

Come on girl... Deep inside, you know that you are self-centred and acting selfishly, as a result you trying to get validation (from us) that you don't do something wrong. It's a way to ease your conscience.

[rns4lyfe]

*face palm* how the hell am I selfish and self centered for wanting a Damn friendship!? I'm not cheating on my boyfriend and I don't need a friend with benefits. I'm sorry but this makes no sense to me. I saw the guy once in almost 5 years and wanted to catch up not have sex or be in a relationship. I wish I could delete this now because I understand getting constructive criticism but you guys are reaching. Guess we can't be friends. Moving on now.

[d0nnivain]

You are kidding yourself if you think you can have a friendship with some guy you have loved since you were 12. You can say you want friendship all you want but it's a lie you are telling yourself. Sex is in this mix no matter how much you deny it & the only way to stay faithful to your baby's father is to stay away from your EX.

 

 

You are exhibiting immature behavior by being mad about how fast your EX doesn't call or text you back. You are also chasing him when his actions indicate he doesn't really want to reconnect with you. Asking for your # was just something he said. He didn't mean it.

 

 

You are exhibiting immature behavior by spending a lot of time in your initial post focused on stuff that happened in high school. By age 20 high school is no longer relevant so it seems odd that you are still hung up on your childhood.

 

 

You are exhibiting immature behavior by complaining about your "boring, quiet and reserved" BF who you admit treats you well & loves you yet you are willing to throw all that away by reconnecting with your EX. You need to understand that no matter what you call the relationship with the EX your baby's father is not going to stand for you to have any interaction with him because it's too slippery of a slope for you to fall back in bed with him. You had been planning to hook up with him in 2010 before you got pregnant.

 

 

The fact that you are yelling & defensive in your reply posts doesn't help your case.

[Zahara]

I met my first love when we were 12. He was my first everything. He was so funny, charming, outgoing, silly and he was so much like me. Unfortunately, he had a crappy attitude and temper when he got angry and was so spiteful and mean. He pointed out my flaws a lot and contributed to my self esteem issues back then. .

 

The summer of 2010 I got with my bf I have now and things were good but I compared him to my ex, I compared all of my bf's after him to my ex because even though he was an *******. He just got me so well.

 

There's so much that is wrong with how you perceive things to be.

 

Funny, charming, out going, silly and he was so much like you?

 

YET...

 

You define him as having a crappy attitude, having a temper, was spiteful and mean and tore your self-worth to shreds?

 

The only reason why you're hooked on this guy is because women that have low self-esteem thrive on drama, thrive on bad treatment because that is what they've conditioned themselves to accept. Yes, you've compared all the guys you've been with to your ex because they never gave you the highest of highs and the lowests of lows. You place him on a pedestal in one statement, you then pull him down in your next. He's not all he's cracked up to be. Your attachment to him is coming from a toxic place. He didn't get you so well. All he did was get you hooked on the drama. And this is the guy you're talking about the "best friend" relationship that is missing from your life. It's delusional.

 

The guy that treats you nice you find boring because he doesn't stir all those up and down emotions you had with your ex. It's more fun to get treated like crap then it is to be treated nice. And you probably still do have self-worth issues because if you didn't you would recognize who he was as a person, and this is who he is --- (he had a crappy attitude and temper when he got angry and was so spiteful and mean. He pointed out my flaws a lot and contributed to my self esteem issues) and stay away from him.

 

And in trying to get off that rollercoaster you probably dated guy after guy and settled for this boyfriend. That's the void you have been trying to fill AND IT IS STILL THERE, that is why you keep thinking of him. So, you cannot make us believe that a friendship was all you wanted because if that were the case, there would be no need to come to a forum and get so rattled and affected by it. The only reason you are shaken by this is because you are still emotionally affected by him.

Edited April 16, 2014 by Zahara

[Jiivy]

I know you hate this. The torrent of critisism - all you want is to reconnect with your deepest, closest friend right?

 

But then...why is it everyone is lining up and saying the same thing? And agreeing with the same principals? Actually - I agree wholeheartedly with them all, so that makes one more.

 

What void you're trying to fill is really a void within YOU. This is a notion of romance you've yet to resolve with yourself. As what you have in your life today, ask if you're ready to destroy all of that.

 

If I took your child away, your partner and your comforts - how would you feel? Now imagine if you were the one who did that all by themselves...