Should i wait for him to contact me?

[Shaine]

Im day 22 NC. Before initiating NC, we got into an argument on how i would return his ipad and beats when he gets back home from working abroad. I wanted to meet up, he wants me to just send it to him.

 

So 22 days nc, i decided i will just send it to him. I think he's back but he hasnt contacted me yet. We dont have mutual friends anymore. He deleted them and made me delete his family on fb too. Im blocked on his fb. And frankly, i just dont want to contact him first. I dont know his address.

 

He was supposed to be back end of november or first week of december. I think he is back but there's now way to be sure.

 

My question is, should i just absolutely wait for him to contact me? Even if after weeks he hasnt contacted me yet to get his things back? I dont want him to think that i dont want to return his ipad, but i also dont want to contact him first.

 

Edit**i just realized i posted this on 2nd chances. Nope. I dont want him back anymore

[Milad]

Im day 22 NC. Before initiating NC, we got into an argument on how i would return his ipad and beats when he gets back home from working abroad. I wanted to meet up, he wants me to just send it to him.

 

So 22 days nc, i decided i will just send it to him. I think he's back but he hasnt contacted me yet. We dont have mutual friends anymore. He deleted them and made me delete his family on fb too. Im blocked on his fb. And frankly, i just dont want to contact him first. I dont know his address.

 

He was supposed to be back end of november or first week of december. I think he is back but there's now way to be sure.

 

My question is, should i just absolutely wait for him to contact me? Even if after weeks he hasnt contacted me yet to get his things back? I dont want him to think that i dont want to return his ipad, but i also dont want to contact him first.

 

Edit**i just realized i posted this on 2nd chances. Nope. I dont want him back anymore

 

Put his stuff in a box and put it somewhere out of your sight. Forget about him and his stuff. If he really want them back he will contact you.

[Zahara]

Wait for him to contact you. In the meantime, shove it in a corner and go on with your life.

[lylat333]

Sorry to hear this Shaine... I got a bad feeling from this guy ever since your first posts here and kinda hate to see you're still dealing with something like this. I disagree w/ Zahara, in this case don't wait for him to contact you. He either won't or if he does he will just use it as another opportunity to take advantage of you emotionally.

 

You may not know his address but there has to be some mutual acquaintance you can ditch the ipad to. It looks like you're hanging onto it hoping you can use it as a way to get in touch or some other ulterior motive. It would be a much better move on your part to show you're willing to let go and don't care about it. This guy's had you pretty much right where he wants you this whole time. You've been playing right into his hand by hoping to get attention from him and asking to meet up instead of mailing, etc.

 

You really should just mail it to a friend or family member of his or just drop it off if you have to. Don't tell him what you're doing, don't make a scene about it, just ditch it and move on. It would be so much better for you in all facets. It's the only thing that would cause him to stop for a moment and think, "Oh, I guess she doesn't care as much about seeing me as I thought she did."

Edited December 6, 2013 by lylat333

[Shaine]

Yes. I'll just wait for him to contact me.

He unfriended our mutual friends, even his college classmate who set us up. My friends are mad at him. Said my ex is immature. I think they're right. My ex even told me to unfriend his family.

 

So i really cant count on my friends to return his things. They even told me to keep his ipad. Lol. And i really dont want to be the first one to reach out to his family. So, yeah, i'll just wait for the jerk to ask me to send his things.

 

F.u.(.k him! I hate him so much! Writing this made me realize what an immature pos he is! He is so vengeful and spiteful! I cant believe this is the same person who was so inlove with me before. He's crazy!

[Shaine]

HELP!!!

 

Ok, so i decided to ask my friends to ask for his address.

 

One couple didnt want to help me. They are too pissed off at my ex. The husband is a college friend of my ex. So i understand why they're mad at him for unfriending them.

 

So i asked another couple. My friend agreed to ask his husband to text my ex to ask for his address. My friends are all a couple, there are 3 couples and all of them are married. My ex and i would have been the 4th couple. And now im alone. It sux.

 

Is this the right thing to do? Ask my friend to contact him? It feels like im indirectly breaking my NC. I've been sticking to nC for a couple of weeks now, i feel that somehow, i regained a bit of my dignity after begging and being rejected cruelly and repeatedly.

 

Should my friend contact my ex for me?

Edited December 9, 2013 by Shaine

[jonsnuh]

To save myself any sort of grief, I destroyed everything I had from my ex. Prom boutinier, souvenirs, photos, her gifts... and the list went on.

 

He doesn't want you part of his life and you should do the same. Don't overcomplicate things with him, and put any strain on your relationships with your friends.

 

Sounds over the top, but wasting anymore time on him is pointless. Move on.

 

Just my two cents.

[thora-tiki]

You ask:

Should my friend contact my ex for me?

 

No, bad idea.

 

I agree with my fellow no contact warriors, pack it up,

I mean it can't take up too much space,

it is just a fu*king iPad.

 

Then, store it in a family members or friends bookshelf. Or your bookshelf, under your bed, if family and friends don't want to help you store it.

 

Again, it is so fu*king tiny.

 

If you decide to give it back, because your douche bag ex wants it back,

he texts you weeks/months from now and asks, «can I have it back?».

 

Fine, you have it, and can either tell him where he can get it, it is at this or that family member or friends place,

or ask for his address, when he contacts you, so you can mail it to him.

If you have it in your apartment

 

If you decide to throw it out, make sure you give it back to an Apple store, otherwise you will do much harm to our Planet,

by throwing electronics in the garbage.

You'll probably never hear from him again, if you ask him for his address, he'll rather loose an iPad than have to text you his address.

 

That is my bet.

 

He probably already has a new iPad...

 

Before you get all, OMG, drama-lama, thinking all sorts of negative thoughts,

writing 18 pages on it, spreading negativity on here, this will also happen,

when you ask for his address:

 

You asking for his address, and not asking:

- to meet up

- I want to talk

- I want to get back together

- blah blah blah

This will show him you are not bothered by him, even if you are still sitting at home with sheets around you,

like Obi-Wan Kenobi from Star Wars, hah, and crying like you have just watched the film Beaches,

but he won't know that.

Ha!

 

What he will «see» from what you text him back, and what he'll hear is:

- she is clearly not stuck on me anymore.

- Why why why isn't' she?

- She was so desperate for me a few weeks/months ago!

- Why doesn't she jump and ask to meet so she can give the iPad back,

and I then can turn her down when she asks to meet, and say send it to me. She is beating me to the punch!

- She has grown a spine - without my permission. Fu*k me!

- Etc.

 

Voilà! Tables turned, he is now the one obsessing.

 

Dumpers are so fu*king easy to read, it is ridiculous.

 

Now put that incident, in the past where it belongs, and move forward.

Tell the friend, abort, do not ask the ex for his address.

You changed your mind.

It was an emotional brainfart on your side.

 

You really must stick to no contact in order for it to work.

No contact means no e-mails, phones calls, text messages, no nothing.

 

Unless it is about unfinished stuff like this, but you can't do all the heavy lifting,

if he wants the iPad back, he knows where it is.

Up his a*s.

 

I mean you were suppose to get married to this fu*ker, and you don't have his address. Come on!

 

You wrote:

So i asked another couple. My friend agreed to ask his husband to text my ex to ask for his address.

My friends are all a couple, there are 3 couples and all of them are married.

My ex and i would have been the 4th couple. And now im alone. It sux.

 

Bu-friggin-hu!

 

Alone also means available for someone outstanding.

 

Yeah, it would be absolutely dreamy to be married to an as*hole that would accuse you of cheating, etc. on a weekly basis. (Nice)

 

Even better to be a divorcee a year after that. (Super)

 

Try not to be years into a relationship when it dawns on you that the guy you wanted to marry is a big selfish fu*k.

 

I bet fu*k boy has been trying to show you who he really is since day one.

 

Exes like this gets me so angry.

I am doing push ups right now, pumping myself for a fight club moment with your ex-hole.

 

I'll give him something to worry about! Hah!

 

Men don't need comfort, they need challenge.

 

So, no contact.

Challenge him (with no contact).

Since your ex is going to be looking for some type of reaction from you,

the smartest thing to do is not give any reaction at all (with no contact).

 

Show him (with no contact) who you are (someone strong, still with no contact)

and what you want (you don't want this type of behaviour in a man,

so you use no contact to show him this = men like this do not deserve contact).

 

The important thing is to never back-track during no contact. Ever.

 

Do whatever to move forward.

 

Look at his iPad as a last insult from fu*ker boy.

 

Go no contact (with a vengeance).

[strive]

Here's an alternative since you seem to be obsessing over his things and are having a hard time moving on because of them:

 

Box them all up, then ask one of your friends a HUGE FAVOR of asking for the address and making the delivery. Ask that friend to handle everything (from texting, delivering, deflecting questions, etc.) for you so you can keep your NC. If you're all good friends, I'm sure they'd understand and one or two might even be willing to do it to spare you more heartache. That way you can return the items, forget about them and start moving on. Just make sure to treat that friend to a steak dinner or a day at the spa or something to return the favor you owe.

[Shaine]

You're right. That is just an ipad.

I shouldnt obsess with what he's thinking. Why should i risk my neck just to return his things. If he wants it, he'll ask for it.

[Zahara]

You're right. That is just an ipad.

I shouldnt obsess with what he's thinking. Why should i risk my neck just to return his things. If he wants it, he'll ask for it.

 

Yep, it's just an Ipad. Doesn't seem like it's that important to him since he doesn't even care to ask for it.

 

You could ask your friend to mail it to him, leaving you out of it. Or just shove it away and when he contacts you, just box it and mail it. Just don't hold on to it because you're using it as an opportunity for him to make contact with you.