Commitment-Phobia?

[only1nacole]

I'm confused and I don't know if it's something I need to work on. My boyfriend and I broke up a week ago. We'd originally broke up last Sunday but then he called back and asked if we could talk about it some more. He said he wasn't good at expressing his feelings but that "I'm pretty sure I love you or whatever..." He'd never said that before. But the next day he called and I knew as soon as he said Hey that he'd changed his mind. So we broke up.

 

I called him Sunday because his birthday was yesterday. We talked some and he said that he just didn't feel as though he was making me happy. That's just completely not the way I feel. I explained to him how I felt. He said he'd thought of me all week long and that he wanted to call me Saturday. He didn't though. He said, "you don't know how bad I want to invite you over right now." but didn't. I didn't offer myself either.

 

So I ended the conversation and there was never an end result. Not a, "lets keep it as it is: broken up" but no, "lets work on it" either.

 

Should I call him tomorrow? I have class tonight and he's in the military so will be alseep by the time my class is over.

 

I have a feeling he has a commitment phobia right now. I really don't know.

[Girlie]

At this point, since the situation hasn't been resolved one way or the other, I would definitely call at least at some point and talk about resolving this one way or the other. I would just tell him you don't really understand what's going on and would like to know whether he would like to work things out, have his space, etc. Good luck in whatever you decide to do. It sounds like this guy is confused or lost. I wouldn't give him any sort of ultimatum or anything, but I would let him know that I don't just want to be hanging on not knowing what the status is between us.

[fredrolin]

I could never understand this type of thing.

 

All of the "good relationships" I had in my lifetime felt right and we never had these little break-ups and bouts of miscommunication.

 

Your man is holding something back, there is a hidden reason why he wants to break up.

[YssaBoo]

Go for it!!what have you got to lose?Guys have soooo many reasons for doing this,mine did and they were just a bunch of crap ones as far as I was concerned.I think they get scared when the relationship gets to close and the first thing they do is run.Especially if it's their first real relationship. Than a week down the road they realize how hard it is to find that special person that understands them so well,but they don't know how to say I'm sorry.Good luck and let us know how it works out.

[CurlyamI]

I wouldn't call if I were you. Wait, let him have his time and space. You can call a week from now and say something nice like "I've been thinking about you and I had this impulse to call you and hear your voice". You'll be able to pick it upfrom there

 

But right now, let him see how it's like without you. Chances are if he's confused he won't have an answer today or tomorrow or the day after that. But should he miss you... you may still be able to make it work.

 

So: "Patience, my love!"

[only1nacole]

Yeah he did end up calling me back but now I'm more confused than ever. He called me at like 3am Saturday morning. He wanted to talk about our relationship. I went over there because he was drunk. Once I got there he kept saying he loved me and didn't want to see our relationship end. that he'd just gotten scared because he was in a relationship for 3 years and she ended up cheating on him. i left at 2pm yesterday and haven't seen him or heard from him since. chances are he's probably working but i don't know since i havent' heard from him.