Contact first love after "all those years," because of regret/apology?

[063rneb]

So after scrutinizing my past, trying to uncover the reason behind my failures at romance, I keep unwillingly coming back to the horrific encounter I had with my first love. The emotions are just as strong as they were six years ago; I still cry thinking about "what if," among the other sad things associated with the memory. Here goes the story.

 

It was our final year in HS, we met each other at work. We were together several nights a week, pretty much whenever we both had off work. Due to what I now understand as my being emotionally guarded, I was unable to initiate a physical relationship with her, despite many attempts to make me feel wanted. Eventually I fell in love, and I told her I loved her and wanted to at least visit her each weekend when she went to school, but she used that as a reason to end things, and left me high and dry, but I know she really felt the same way because when I saw her the one last time to tell her goodbye, wish her the best of luck with everything etc. it was written all over her. I texted her a few times that Fall, but she never showed any interest, and stopped as soon as I brought up possibly visiting each other. The end.

 

No, it's not A couple years later, 1000 miles away, I was on vacation with the family and at a tour of a Revolutionary War memorial site, I noticed her, in the group/room just in front of mine. She saw me too, and was so excited to see me. She waited for me in the doorway, and I couldn't wait to talk to her for the first time in two years...but something happened that I honestly can't explain, because this type of thing has never happened before, ever, not before or since. My body went into autopilot, and I just kept on walking past her, and didn't acknowledge her presence. After standing there for about a minute, waiting with a look of horror on her face, she bolted out the side door and I never saw her again.

 

First of all, has anybody even had an experience quite like that before? Was that my subconscious' need to get back at her for leaving me high and dry, even though things were quite justified on her part, I would eventually learn?

 

And I've been thinking about reaching out to her on FB, and telling her that I would simply like to forgive her because I now understand that I didn't deserve her or anybody in my emotional state, along with apologizing for that despicable act at the War Memorial. Is this one of those "not a good idea because the pain it would cause by making her revisit the past is too much" things? Or would it be therapeutic for me, and possibly the both of us?

[HaveFaithxx]

Yes, contact her. You will regret it if you don't

[frederickkk]

contact now.

[HARPER100]

I doubt it was anything as sinister as your subconscious taking over. More likely a combination of panic and nerves.

 

Make contact and say sorry. You'll feel better and I'm sure she will.