Is this just another bread crumb?

[ZhaoZilong5]

My ex broke up with me 5 weeks ago. We've been going through periods of NC, NIC, and LC all initiated by me. During that period, we were able to discuss and understand the problems of our relationship, though it was too late. She's still young, so she tends to go with whoever she's more attracted to. With that said, she started hanging around with a guy she was "starstruck" with that turned out to be a "douche bag," and then she started hanging out with his friend. It's understandable to me. She saw no future with me because of the physical distance between us, and I didn't want to move. I didn't know she was so afraid to move down with me.

 

My emotions themselves have been going back and forth from moving on and wanting to reconcile. Ultimately, I knew that I had to let her go, and maybe we'd reconcile down the road. I've been getting closer and closer to truly moving on, and I've regained my independence.

 

Anyway, 5 weeks isn't enough for me to improve upon myself as much as I want to. Of course, I'm still going to continue doing it regardless. Her life was a mess for the past month or two. She wasn't sure what was going to happen to her due to external influences, but now things seem to have stabilized for her in the best way possible that we both wanted for her. As for me, it's just a matter of time. School doesn't start again until August, and I'm waiting for certifications and things in the mail, so it's just a waiting game for me.

 

She's been very persistent in trying to contact me. She said that now that life's slowing down for her, she's noticing what she's missing and hopes I'll have a free day soon. Just a week ago, she said it was unlikely for her to get back together with me immediately but it was likely she was going to eventually start a relationship with another guy she was hanging out with. I'm not sure if she wants that free day to just spend time with me or talk to me. Since I'd essentially have to start over a new relationship with her, I feel like I would have to do things that are akin to dating. I can't be too eager to respond, etc.

 

Considering I don't know if she just wants to talk or hang out, how would I let her know when I'm free? I want to be more than friends, so I don't want to just "hang out" unless it can help reconciling. After spending hundreds of hours reading so many threads and posts on ENA, LS, and RT, the consensus is that in a situation like this, I just need to do things nonchalantly, talk about things in a low-pressure way, and let her bring "us" up. The only thing that might prevent that would be severe anxiety (aside from the possible fact that she wouldn't want to), so I feel like at some point, it might be a good thing for me to eventually bring up the subject of "us" to see what she wants to do.

 

At this point, I want what's best for her. If she wants to date others, then so be it. At the same time, I don't want to be friend-zoned, a back-up plan, or whatever, so if she does start a relationship with somebody else, then I'll just stay on the fringe of her life or go NC for a bit longer. I almost got into a casual relationship a few days ago, but the other girl obviously wasn't ready to be in another relationship yet and decided to go back to her ex.

 

I guess my question is...I don't know what she wants me to be "free" for. I would like to find out how without coming off as unattractive, needy, clingy, or whatever. I want to do things attractively. I'm basically looking for a loose guideline on how to proceed, and how to navigate through the touchy subject of getting back together if it happens. If she doesn't want to, then no big deal. I just don't want to mess it up if she's actually considering it.

 

Yeah, 5 weeks may or may not be enough time for her to actually figure things out, but it seems like she's at least close if she hasn't, and I guess that's what a conversation would reveal. I'm willing to give us another chance and start things over really, really slowly. She had a huge crush on me and wanted to take things slowly when we first started out, but we both fell hard and quickly anyway lol. I've learned a lot about what I should and shouldn't do to be able to support her emotionally and what she wants from me, so I'm confident that things will work out if she has the patience for both of us to get our lives in order with each other.

 

Any opinions are welcome, even the jaded, negative ones. :-P If more background information is needed, then please ask away!

Edited July 20, 2012 by ZhaoZilong5