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I still think a lot about you, but i won't bother you anymore. With love, X


Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

 
 
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Old 14th August 2011, 11:08 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by Frank13 View Post
I love that response! It was the perfect reply.



Good for you. You handled this beautifully,

Thank you! He had to work this weekend so could not get married, lol. (/sarcasm)
However, I am afraid I am holding out some hope that he will actually make plans but I have no desire to see him and begin the whole endless dating thing again. We had a great talk a few days ago and I actually got a $150 check in the mail from him so he is at least starting to make things right with my financial losses I incurred (thinking we were getting married). He has told his Dad, his Mom and his little boy that we are, indeed, getting married so he is a complete *ss if he told his little boy and doesn't follow through. He is not upset with me about refusing to see him until we get married. He said he needs to follow through with actions and not words, so I say bring 'em on! For now, I will continue my life but have to say that I'm holding out some hope and that already annoys me somewhat. I told him that we can not do this back and forth thing again. At some point, (like after this time) though we love each other, we are going to come to a point where it dies and there is no hope.

So...we will see.
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Old 16th August 2011, 9:30 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by MidnightinMadrid View Post
Kamila gal!
Keep us posted and let us (I included,curiousity does kill the cat) know what you decide..
I still haven't got a clue of what to decide. So I went on google and searched for advice and guess what, I ended up back on my post .

And I was amazed at all the replies.

The problem is not getting back together and loving each other, it's the more practical stuff like: where will we live, will we have kids, how will our daily days be like? And if he's not 'there' yet, then there's no point in getting back together. Even if we love each other. The question is: is it all worth it? Is it worth the pain of reopening a wound? Need more thinking to do.
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Old 18th August 2011, 6:06 AM   #18
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Thank you! He had to work this weekend so could not get married, lol. (/sarcasm)
Hahaha. You are so funny and make me laugh! Helps to cheer me up!


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Originally Posted by NursingGirl View Post
However, I am afraid I am holding out some hope that he will actually make plans but I have no desire to see him and begin the whole endless dating thing again. We had a great talk a few days ago and I actually got a $150 check in the mail from him so he is at least starting to make things right with my financial losses I incurred (thinking we were getting married). He has told his Dad, his Mom and his little boy that we are, indeed, getting married so he is a complete *ss if he told his little boy and doesn't follow through. He is not upset with me about refusing to see him until we get married. He said he needs to follow through with actions and not words, so I say bring 'em on! For now, I will continue my life but have to say that I'm holding out some hope and that already annoys me somewhat. I told him that we can not do this back and forth thing again. At some point, (like after this time) though we love each other, we are going to come to a point where it dies and there is no hope.

So...we will see.
Best of luck top you. He is crazy if he doesn't marry you, just for your sense of humor alone!

Last edited by Frank13; 18th August 2011 at 6:14 AM..
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Old 18th August 2011, 6:41 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by Kamila View Post
"In a couple of days it will be 1 year since we broke up. I understand that you don't want to have contact with me anymore, but i just want to know how you've been doing. I still think a lot about you, but i won't bother you anymore. With love, X".

I don't get men.
Wow! People here have really misconstrued his text. Allow me to break thins down and clarify for you dear.

"In a couple of days it will be 1 year since we broke up."
-I haven't forgotten you. I think about you all the time and have this date on my calendar.

"I understand that you don't want to have contact with me anymore..."
-I respect your decision to have nothing to do with me. (emphasis on "have contact")

"...but i just want to know how you've been doing."
-I care for you.

"I still think a lot about you,..."
-I miss you.

"...but i won't bother you anymore."
-I'm sorry and still respect your decision to have nothing to do with me.

"With love, X"
-sincere fairwell

Also, with him contacting you so much this further shows that he misses you and wants tinge part of your life again. You're best to act quickly before you drive him off for good by saying something like, "I am not ignoring you, I just need some space for myself right now...".

I understand you need space which is healthy and so must come with NC, but you need let him know atleast once what you're feeling so you don't push him away or drive him crazy with great misunderstandings.
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Old 18th August 2011, 12:48 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by Nsweet View Post
Wow! People here have really misconstrued his text. Allow me to break thins down and clarify for you dear.

"In a couple of days it will be 1 year since we broke up."
-I haven't forgotten you. I think about you all the time and have this date on my calendar.

"I understand that you don't want to have contact with me anymore..."
-I respect your decision to have nothing to do with me. (emphasis on "have contact")

"...but i just want to know how you've been doing."
-I care for you.

"I still think a lot about you,..."
-I miss you.

"...but i won't bother you anymore."
-I'm sorry and still respect your decision to have nothing to do with me.

"With love, X"
-sincere fairwell

Also, with him contacting you so much this further shows that he misses you and wants tinge part of your life again. You're best to act quickly before you drive him off for good by saying something like, "I am not ignoring you, I just need some space for myself right now...".

I understand you need space which is healthy and so must come with NC, but you need let him know atleast once what you're feeling so you don't push him away or drive him crazy with great misunderstandings.
His text - broken down - is even more of a joke. Let me clarify for you.
"I understand that you don't want to have contact with me anymore..."

which he follows with:

"...but i just want to know how you've been doing."

Showing that he really doesn't understand that she no longer wants to have contact with him. And then followed by:

"...but i won't bother you anymore."

If she maintains NC and he still texts her again -it's 100% proof that he doesn't respect her boundaries of NC and he doesn't understand at all. It's just bait.
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Old 18th August 2011, 6:32 PM   #21
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His text - broken down - is even more of a joke. Let me clarify for you.
"I understand that you don't want to have contact with me anymore..."

which he follows with:

"...but i just want to know how you've been doing."

Showing that he really doesn't understand that she no longer wants to have contact with him. And then followed by:

"...but i won't bother you anymore."

If she maintains NC and he still texts her again -it's 100% proof that he doesn't respect her boundaries of NC and he doesn't understand at all. It's just bait.


Bravo bravo! Plus he's a big weanie like my ex. My ex is like a little boy who looks at his messy bedroom and says, "I need to clean my room." And then he goes down and lies on his bed and never cleans it. Ever. The end.

Well, here comes another weekend (and this one ex is not working) and no marriage. hahahah, and I was holding my breath!

Frank, you're awesome. No worries, your girl will come along and make your ex look like chopped liver.
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Old 19th August 2011, 3:41 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by NursingGirl View Post

Well, here comes another weekend (and this one ex is not working) and no marriage. hahahah, and I was holding my breath!
I wonder what his excuse will be this weekend.

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Originally Posted by NursingGirl View Post
Frank, you're awesome. No worries, your girl will come along and make your ex look like chopped liver.
Thank you for the kind words! I hope so. Funny how we are in opposite situations. I would love it if my ex wanted to marry me. I wouldn't even wait for the weekend.

Keep us updated and keep your sense of humor. I wish I could look at my situation with the kind of humor you do.
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Old 19th August 2011, 8:16 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by Nsweet View Post
Wow! People here have really misconstrued his text. Allow me to break thins down and clarify for you dear.

"In a couple of days it will be 1 year since we broke up."
-I haven't forgotten you. I think about you all the time and have this date on my calendar.

"I understand that you don't want to have contact with me anymore..."
-I respect your decision to have nothing to do with me. (emphasis on "have contact")

"...but i just want to know how you've been doing."
-I care for you.

"I still think a lot about you,..."
-I miss you.

"...but i won't bother you anymore."
-I'm sorry and still respect your decision to have nothing to do with me.

"With love, X"
-sincere fairwell

Also, with him contacting you so much this further shows that he misses you and wants tinge part of your life again. You're best to act quickly before you drive him off for good by saying something like, "I am not ignoring you, I just need some space for myself right now...".

I understand you need space which is healthy and so must come with NC, but you need let him know atleast once what you're feeling so you don't push him away or drive him crazy with great misunderstandings.
I have been thinking a lot of answering him that i'm not ignoring him or something, but i don't know what my answer will provoke in him. I just don't want to think about it. I do indeed need space away from him, but does that imply that later in the future i could start contact with him again? Isn't that dangerous when you hold strong feelings for someone?

I just wish he would phone me and explain me what he's been thinking. And i do think i am in my right to ask that of him. He was the one that backed away from commitment, so if he has something to say, he should just pick up the phone. He knows what i feel about him, i showed it to him in a lot of ways. He could think that my feelings after a year have changed. If he really wants to know...
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Old 19th August 2011, 8:24 AM   #24
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Originally Posted by vsmini View Post
His text - broken down - is even more of a joke. Let me clarify for you.
"I understand that you don't want to have contact with me anymore..."

which he follows with:

"...but i just want to know how you've been doing."

Showing that he really doesn't understand that she no longer wants to have contact with him. And then followed by:

"...but i won't bother you anymore."

If she maintains NC and he still texts her again -it's 100% proof that he doesn't respect her boundaries of NC and he doesn't understand at all. It's just bait.
Indeed, i also think he's joking with me, playing an emotional game: 'if you don't want to have contact with me, i'll leave you alone, for good.' Is he bluffing, or even warning me?

The way he says 'i won't disturb you' implies that he thinks that when he's contacting me he's prying into my life, almost negatively 'i'm sorry to disturb Her Highness, she's too good to contact me, i won't bother you with my presence again'. He's a bit mad at me? Should i feel guilty?

He softens up by ending 'with love'. In fact, i don't like this message, it's manipulative and confusing. Much like 'bait', like you said, i'm just not buying it.

I'm wondering if he'll keep his word.
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Old 20th August 2011, 2:41 AM   #25
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Indeed, i also think he's joking with me, playing an emotional game: 'if you don't want to have contact with me, i'll leave you alone, for good.' Is he bluffing, or even warning me?
Come on, he is playing the victim. He wants you to feel sorry for him. He is saying "I love you and want to be with you, but am not sure how you feel so will say I won't bother you, in hopes you will feel sorry for me and think I am adorable and want to get back wih me".
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Old 20th August 2011, 9:09 AM   #26
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Come on, he is playing the victim. He wants you to feel sorry for him. He is saying "I love you and want to be with you, but am not sure how you feel so will say I won't bother you, in hopes you will feel sorry for me and think I am adorable and want to get back wih me".
Yes, and it's very manipulative. Take my experience as an example. Anyone who truly means to reconcile will be unmistakable about it. You won't have to interpret anything. The gravity of the situation is that a second chance is really the LAST chance. Who in their right mind with honest intentions would want to make a feeble attempt at it? I'm going to end this stupid charade very soon because it will be a month next weekend since we broke no contact and he works next weekend and I am definitely done.
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Old 20th August 2011, 10:25 AM   #27
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Sure, in a perfect world all people would by upfront and honest in every situation, there would be no manipulation or silent treatments, and people would tell you clearly how the did or did not want to be with you first before you spent a single penny. Unfortunately that is host not the world we live in. Human being a naturally adaptived to survive and with no natural predators the need for greed and corruption has been finely tuned.

Besides, how much or an achievement would winning someone over be if you if you could have them right away with the right demonstrations of character. I for one appreciated the thrill of the chase and the capture of a potential partner much more than the comfort and casual sex. You always want what is just out of your grasp, but close enough to touch. It's never over until it's over!
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Old 21st August 2011, 1:02 PM   #28
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Just for the record, I told the ex that the procrastination was not working for me and he replied that (in spite of his email that he would like things to return to what they once were) he couldn't just dive into marriage...that he would need 6 months of dating to get there. Haha, well, HE is the one who put it in writing that he wanted to get back to where we once were 5 months ago, which was engaged to be married! He shouldn't have put that in writing and I wouldn't have told him I was free immediately to do just that!

There's no way I would invest 6 more months into that relationship. Yes, he had a breakdown, yes, I thought it was cold feet because what fiance on earth stops returning texts, phone calls, ignores physical visits, etc ONE WEEK prior to moving in together? And then wants to pick it up again out of the blue 5 months later? Pick WHAT up? Where? I just don't have the ability to invest that level of trust again. It's definitely over.

Y'all looking for second chances- get clear communication. Have no contact for awhile to lessen the emotional state and be able to think clearly about what YOU want and what was MISSING. Then, if the ex comes around offering breadcrumbs...communicate clearly what you want and what course the relationship needs to head in and see if that doesn't scare the ex away. One email from mine said, "I miss the feeling of love we once had." Hmm, so you miss what I was investing in YOU? What are you offering ME exactly?

No need for me to be angry about the course of this relationship. I am just glad I didn't end up in one where someone thinks what THEY want is more important than us and doesn't feel responsible enough or mature enough to express it. Whew, so exhausting.
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Old 22nd August 2011, 6:20 AM   #29
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Sure, in a perfect world all people would by upfront and honest in every situation, there would be no manipulation or silent treatments, and people would tell you clearly how the did or did not want to be with you first before you spent a single penny. Unfortunately that is host not the world we live in. Human being a naturally adaptived to survive and with no natural predators the need for greed and corruption has been finely tuned.

Besides, how much or an achievement would winning someone over be if you if you could have them right away with the right demonstrations of character. I for one appreciated the thrill of the chase and the capture of a potential partner much more than the comfort and casual sex. You always want what is just out of your grasp, but close enough to touch. It's never over until it's over!
Yes, people are not perfect and we all do mistakes. But for important things like relationships, you can't allow mistakes, surely when there is reconciliation involved. If you really wanted to be with someone, why send little text messages that leaves you wondering what they mean. Why not be perfectly clear about it and writing it black on white without any confusion possible:

"I have made mistakes and i did not treat you right, you deserve better, and i want to prove you that i am worthy of you. I don't want to play any games and want to see if you would like to have dinner with me so we could discuss serious things regarding us ..." Ehe, that is my dream text message that would indeed warm my heart again.

*Sigh* It will never happen. That guy has too much proud and arrogance to even think those words. Then why am I thinking about them? Dreams to be with him are still there and not fully shattered.
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Old 22nd August 2011, 12:32 PM   #30
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Yeah, why not be perfectly clear and completely telegraph your interests? Now let me tell you why that is a bad idea. First and foremost it says to him that you don't respect him and his decision to break up with you. It will only cement his opinion of you at that time and push you much, much further from your goal. Secondly, it's just makes you look completely needy for him with such a level of codependency that all respect for you is lost. You weren't like this in the beginning of the relationship when he felt he had won you over. So why become an easy target now. He may use you later on for comfort or sex but he won't respect you. Finally, you'll be more vulnerable to heartache and mind games when he does contact you and attempt to put you through a ringer or "$hit tests" like jealousy plots or back-handed compliments. I know all of this because I've been through all of this, take heed of my warning. I am only looking out for you.

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"I have made mistakes and i did not treat you right, you deserve better, and i want to prove to you that i am worthy of you. I don't want to play any games and want to see if you would like to have dinner with me so we could discuss serious things regarding us ..." Ehe, that is my dream text message that would indeed warm my heart again.
This message comes off as a huge red flag to me. From a guys perspective it says,
"I am not a good partner for you. You are so much better, and I just not worth of you. I do want to play mind games (see weasel phrases), would you pretty, pretty please go out with me so I can tell you all the things that are wrong with you."
Now does that pedestal you put him on come with a pretty blue ribbon?

If you're going to contact him at all during NC, why even bother if you're going to stroke his ego and confirm his opinions. You've given him all of your power which he knows he possesses. You're better off regaining control over your emotions and rebuilding self esteem while in NC, so you can prove to him that you are more than worthy and capable of being perfectly happy with or without him.
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