Johnny85 Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 (edited) Hey all! Last time I spoke with my ex was two weeks ago (over text). She barely reciprocated and the last thing I sent her was this: "If you are ever lonely or need to talk, I am here for you." She did not respond and I haven't heard from her since. She is dating another man now, someone she met before breaking up with me three months ago. Four years we have wished each other a happy birthday. All of a sudden, this act of kindness is gone. I have been working on myself and following everybody's advice. I would just like to hear what everyone thinks? If you are trying to heal and have limited contact with your ex, and make decisions for YOURSELF, is it OK to wish your ex a happy birthday? After all the begging and acts of unreciprocated love and kindness, I NOW want her to respect me and see that I have a life without her. I love her, but I love myself, too. I want her to see that my kindness and love isn't unconditional. I just worry that if I don't send her a happy birthday message, she will interpret this as me not caring. Maybe she will have a hard time making contact in the future if she ever wants to give us another try? As of right now, I am following the advice Homebrew gave to me (Thank you, Homebrew); I just wanted to see what everyone thinks! I have been reading self-improvement books and really listening to the advice that everyone has given me. I am finally at the stage of moving towards accepting that we are over. I am thinking positively about being single and seeing it as an opportunity to do the things I always wanted to do. So thanks everybody for helping out. It means a lot and your advice has not been in vain. Sometimes, though, I still care, otherwise I wouldn't be asking for advice. But I think this is still part of the healing process. So thanks again:) So what are the advantages and disadvantages of sending a HB message to your ex? Edited April 19, 2011 by Johnny85 Link to post Share on other sites
Hules Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 Why oh why did you say this "If you are ever lonely or need to talk, I am here for you." Thats basically saying "I'm your doormat and will always be your doormat". There is no advantage in wishing her Happy Birthday other than reinforcing your status as a doormat. You are not part of her life anymore. I NOW want her to respect me and see that I have a life without her. If you want this then cease all contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny85 Posted April 19, 2011 Author Share Posted April 19, 2011 Hey Hules, thanks for your reply! We broke up in January and in early March, she sent me several text messages saying she missed me and wanting to get back together. Of course, these actions were only initiated because her new man had doubts about their future together. So essentially, I was her backup plan!! I drove to her house 3 weeks later and you know what happened next. Thanks for your advice Hules! I think you are absolutely right about not sending her a HB message. She made her choice and I should continue to respect it! Link to post Share on other sites
homebrew Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 Dude... Go read what Poorguy and I wrote again and again in my Getting My Ex back thread! Don't Thank Her for treating you like crap by wishing her a happy birthday. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny85 Posted April 19, 2011 Author Share Posted April 19, 2011 Ok; I am following your advice 100%. I will not be contacting her for her birthday. Who would have thought that a simple thing such as wishing someone a happy birthday could cause so much thought and confusion. lol Thanks Homebrew and Hules!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Hules Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 No worries Johnny, I went NC 2 days after my ex dumped me and haven't looked back I know how hard it is. Honestly though continuing to be in contact with them does nothing good for us (dumpees). It just inflates the dumpers ego and reassures them that we will be around if they decide to come back. Should never settle for been someones second choice you deserve better. If she gets upset because you didn't wish her Happy Birthday well tough, she should of thought about that before giving you the heave, ho. You owe her nothing and shouldn't reward her bad behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 Glad your not sending her the birthday text Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnny85 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Share Posted April 20, 2011 Hi All! Today was probably the toughest day since we broke up in January. I followed everyone's advice and did not send her a happy birthday wish. This was a difficult decision for me to make. The funny thing is that I did take our relationship for granted and now that I am without her, I miss her more than anything. Last time we saw each other, she did let me sleep over at her house and when I left, she did give me a nice cologne (she is a beauty consultant), although I did ask for it. But she did choose to be with someone else; the hard part is just accepting that it is over. The past few weeks have been easier and I was even moving towards realizing that our relationship is in fact over. I started focusing on being positive and bettering myself. And then her birthday arrived, which just brought back so many memories and emotions. "Just when I had her off my head, her voice came thrashing wildly through my quiet bed," by John Mayer. Oh well, I just needed to get my feelings out. Time to move on. Thanks all for the advice! Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts