I'm New - Testing NO Contact - Seeking Counsel

[late_bloomer]

Hi Everyone,

 

I have just been dumped from a relationship of 1.5 years. I am a late boomer, so even though I'm in my early 20s, this was my first real relationship.

 

I want to get her back and I am not sure how. We once had a crisis like this before, where we sort of broke up and then got back together. This time seems way more legit.

 

There wasn't fighting; I was blindsided. A few days before she described me as the love of her life. Then she felt depressed, said she was sad, and dumped me. I figured she'd call back in a day or two. I accepted the break up and waited, but she hasn't. At one point she called crying asking me to come to her place, I did, I comforted her in person, and the next day she said thanks for being a good friend. Zing!

 

Being a friend to her, would be like a being a caged bird. Like a tiger in a petting zoo.

 

I have been very concerned about no contact. My thought: if no contact works for you, it will also work for them. So if I am getting over her, she is getting over me at the same time. This would result in me facing the nightmare of never getting back.

 

But I am new to relationships, and you guys know more than I do. Plus, I called her and boy did I feel down after she was finished explaining why we would never date again.

 

One thing I will note is that I have been extremeley supportive of her with many personal issues she faces, and she still wants that support as "friends" even though we aren't dating.

 

I am posting now, to ask for your advice. I will update the thread and offer myself as a case for others. I just would love some help in how to naviagate no contact. I will listen to your advice.

 

It started today with an IM saying "good night!" I did not respond.

 

Thank you so much!!

[Google1000]

Do not respond. Do not EVER respond. Make HER feel rejected and make her face reality without you. Only then will she ever truly appreciate what you had together. That is about the only thing that will ever drive her to come back. Cut off all contact completely.

 

As stupid as it may sound, you will never get her back if you are her friend and you will never get her back if she knows you are waiting for her to come back. Girls are stupid like that.

 

Go out and live a good life. Post pictures of yourself with other girls on facebook if you can. It will DRIVE HER CRAZY. Then when she texts you, IGNORE IT. Even if you are miserable, give her the impression that you are living a great life (through facebook, assuming you have a fb). It will make her feel like ****. Then when she texts you and says she misses you, ignore it again.

 

Then when she texts you a few weeks later, ignore it.

 

Ignore it.

 

Ignore it.

 

The thing you don't realize is that WHEN YOU TALK TO HER, YOU ARE HELPING HER GET OVER YOU.

 

YOU are the one that wants the relationship back, NOT HER. So you may talk to her and comfort her and feel that you are increasing your chances of getting back with her, but in reality you are killing your chances. You are letting her know that whenever she wants you back, she can have you. So time will pass, and she will go out and experience life with you as just a friend. She will become more and more comfortable with that notion and eventually she will have absolutely no attraction to you and be completely healed from the breakup. And you will still be praying for a second chance.

 

So do yourself a favor and cut off all contact. Whether she realizes it or not, she most likely still loves you very much. Cut off all contact immediately and go take pictures with as many girls as you can and post them on facebook. She is human, and it will put her through tons of pain to see that.

 

When you live a better life than her and she sees you having tons of fun without her and ignoring while she is sitting at home crying because she misses you...only then will there be any chance of her changing her mind.

 

And even then, it is only a small chance.

Edited March 11, 2011 by Google1000

[late_bloomer]

I really appreciate your time. As someone going through the first break up, I am reeling and this means a great deal to me.

 

The pledge I am doing my best to uphold is that, if you are kind enough to give me advice, the least I can do is follow it.

 

So I will resist contacting. I will say this: by not replying to IMs I feel better about myself -- I know that any real interest would have been a call or even a text. But IM? No way.

 

I am an optimist. I know nearly 20 months does not just get erased in a matter of weeks. Right now I am hanging out with my friends and meeting other girls, but I still think about my ex.

 

I am hoping this break up was the product of stress on her end, and as the stress lessens and the missing increases she will come back.

 

I consider myself a thoughtful guy and I once had a falling out with her, she stopped talking as much and saw other guys, and I was forced to really examine my love for her, and it worked.

[arnabsuave]

@ late_bloomer: my situation is exactly the same as yours...hope the medicine prescribed works out for me as well ;-)