Please help, will my soulmate come back?

[earthfireuk]

Hey, sorry this is quite long so apologies but I felt it might help to put the info in to get informed responses. Your help would be really appricated. Having a hard time right now.....

 

Met this wonderful girl last year, we became best friends. I have never met anyone who I connect with so well in my life.I believed and still do that she is my soulmate. I have been in love before but nothing like this. We have such a rare connection. We got together and she told me she loved me. She went travelling 5 weeks after we got together (she already had it planned before). We missed each other so much so she asked me to go out there with her. I then saved up, gave up my job and went out there with her 4 months into her trip. She began to get scared that being in a relationship would stop her from being able to travel in the future (she is a free spirit). Which made me feel quite insecure in our relationship as she kept having doubts. When I got there things were hard for us. She had travelled before and knew the ropes. I had never travelled before so had to find my feet and also deal with being round someone 24/7. She had been round the world before so she had a lot more experience. I also suffer from mild anxiety and while I was away it came out in the form of panic attacks (I am working on this now though). As a result I wasn’t my fun, happy, exciting self and that disappointed her. We argued a lot, mainly because I didn’t seem to be enjoying myself, and wasn’t being proactive in organising places to stay ect. She felt she was doing all the work. I explained to her that because of how I was feeling I found it difficult and that when I get home I will work on sorting it out because I was also disappointed with my self. When we got back we agreed that we would give us some time in a normal situation as we never really had a chance to date and take it slowly at the beginning (4 weeks of honeymoon period, then 4 months of being apart, then 4 months of being together 24.7). After 2 weeks of being back she started to get distant and then she told me that she doesn’t think she should be in a relationship and that she loves me but feels differently and broke up with me. It broke my heart a million times over. We kept in contact (texting, a call every now and again) and met up for a drink but I couldn’t help trying to make her see that we could sort out our problems. She said wants us to be friends, she misses me and if feels like she is losing her best friend but I told her I couldn’t be friend’s because I love her so much and it would be fair on either of us. She understood and cried telling me she will always be there for me. We haven’t spoken for 5 days now and I can’t stop thinking about her. She is such a special person and I want her to be back in my arms again. Do you have any advice on what would be the best way to win back her love? Did I make the right decision cutting contact? Its been 4 weeks since the split now. I have been working on myself since the break up and trying to make myself a better person. I just wish she would want to meet me half way and make us work. Any advice would be great.

Thank you so much for reading this.

Edited June 27, 2010 by earthfireuk
Title incorrect

[brokendream]

Hey, sorry that you feel that you lost your soulmate

 

She has told you outright that she doesn't want to be in a relationship so there's nothing more you can do now. You were right not to stay in contact as friends. It would be too painfull for you and she can't have it both ways...she broke up with you so she has to expect that she'll lose you.

 

The best thing now is to go NC. If it's meant to be, she'll realise that and come back to you. Anything you do will probably just push her away further at this stage.

[tornandmarried]

girls just like to have fun....sounds like things had a complicated twist early on and it freaked her out a bit....if u miss a girl, be friends till the end, u never know how itll turn out....ive had x's come crawling back years later...the whole being friends thing almost seems like a ploy to maybe get back together again someday

[LittleTiger]

If you think this girl is really your soulmate, then you should stay in contact and be friends. I believe it's possible to have a soulmate who isn't supposed to be your life partner.

 

Staying friends with an ex is not about hoping to get back together, it's about two people valuing their friendship above and beyond any romantic connection that may have existed in the past.

 

Will she ever want to renew a romantic relationship in the future? Only time will tell, but don't pin your hopes on it.

 

Deep and genuine connections like this are so rare. If you have found someone special in this girl, and friendship is all that she's offering, then enjoy that friendship for what it is. To me, losing your 'best friend' just because you can't be romantically involved with them makes no sense at all.

Edited June 27, 2010 by LittleTiger

[aerogurl87]

If you think this girl is really your soulmate, then you should stay in contact and be friends. I believe it's possible to have a soulmate who isn't supposed to be your life partner.

 

What LittleTiger said is absolutely correct! I'm 100% sure I've met my soulmate and he's my ex boyfriend. We both are in our own relationships, but there is something between us that is unlike anything either of us has felt or found before or after meeting each other. We're still friends though, and if this girl really is your soulmate, she'll stick around someway, somehow. My ex and I didn't talk for 4-5 months after he broke up with me and here we are 1 year later, and we still keep in contact and he's going off to boot camp tomorrow. Everyone tells me I'm crazy and that him and I should stay apart, but there's something there between us that neither one of us completely understands, something inside of us that attracts us like magnets as we understand each other more than anyone else. If this girl is as special as that, keep her in your life as a friend if you can.

Edited June 28, 2010 by aerogurl87

[earthfireuk]

Hey, sorry that you feel that you lost your soulmate

 

She has told you outright that she doesn't want to be in a relationship so there's nothing more you can do now. You were right not to stay in contact as friends. It would be too painfull for you and she can't have it both ways...she broke up with you so she has to expect that she'll lose you.

 

The best thing now is to go NC. If it's meant to be, she'll realise that and come back to you. Anything you do will probably just push her away further at this stage.

 

Thank you for the response brokendream. It's nice to get some reassurance. I just felt that everytime we spoke it made things so hard for me and I also felt it began to upset her. The last thing I want to do is to pressure her and for her to change her opinion of me. I know she thinks alot of me as I do her so think for now NC is the best for us both.

 

Much Love.

[earthfireuk]

If you think this girl is really your soulmate, then you should stay in contact and be friends. I believe it's possible to have a soulmate who isn't supposed to be your life partner.

 

Staying friends with an ex is not about hoping to get back together, it's about two people valuing their friendship above and beyond any romantic connection that may have existed in the past.

 

Will she ever want to renew a romantic relationship in the future? Only time will tell, but don't pin your hopes on it.

 

Deep and genuine connections like this are so rare. If you have found someone special in this girl, and friendship is all that she's offering, then enjoy that friendship for what it is. To me, losing your 'best friend' just because you can't be romantically involved with them makes no sense at all.

 

Thanks for the reply LittleTiger. I know with all my heart this girl is my soulmate. In future if we don't rekindle a romantic relationship,I would love for her to be part of my life. In fact I think without her in my life in some way I would be losing something so special. I just don't feel ready to alow her into my life as a friend right now. I Would love to feel like I could but I just can't. I am in love with her as a girlfriend and my feelings are so stong that the pain that would be inflicted on me would be too much for me to handle. If she met somoeone else I would be devestated. Until I don't see in her that way Its impossible for me to tone down my emotions to allow for a friendship.

[earthfireuk]

What LittleTiger said is absolutely correct! I'm 100% sure I've met my soulmate and he's my ex boyfriend. We both are in our own relationships, but there is something between us that is unlike anything either of us has felt or found before or after meeting each other. We're still friends though, and if this girl really is your soulmate, she'll stick around someway, somehow. My ex and I didn't talk for 4-5 months after he broke up with me and here we are 1 year later, and we still keep in contact and he's going off to boot camp tomorrow. Everyone tells me I'm crazy and that him and I should stay apart, but there's something there between us that neither one of us completely understands, something inside of us that attracts us like magnets as we understand each other more than anyone else. If this girl is as special as that, keep her in your life as a friend if you can.

 

Its funny isn't it. I have been in relationships before and been in love but I guess I didn't really understand that I could meet someone that could have that profound effect on me. It was very strange (amazing but strange). When we met I couldn't describe the feeling inside me. It was like I found another part of me and the only way I could describe it was that I just "knew" and believed she was the one. It has deffinitly changed my opinion of love alltogether.It's so nice to hear that you have found peace and are comfortabe with your special person being your friend. Im sure one day if we don't get back together then we will have a different kind of relationship. I just need to give us both time to find our feet. Although I am hoping she will realise that we can be together. Watch this space

[earthfireuk]

girls just like to have fun....sounds like things had a complicated twist early on and it freaked her out a bit....if u miss a girl, be friends till the end, u never know how itll turn out....ive had x's come crawling back years later...the whole being friends thing almost seems like a ploy to maybe get back together again someday

 

Thanks for the response. Yeah at the beginning it was really really fun. Then thinks became complicated... Its such a shame that it has caused her to end our relationship though. I came back a bit dissapointed that we had a rough few months but I wanted to work on it, sort things out because I believe in us. It hurt that she cut and run. Im sure we will be friends some day. watch this space.

[aerogurl87]

Its funny isn't it. I have been in relationships before and been in love but I guess I didn't really understand that I could meet someone that could have that profound effect on me. It was very strange (amazing but strange). When we met I couldn't describe the feeling inside me. It was like I found another part of me and the only way I could describe it was that I just "knew" and believed she was the one. It has deffinitly changed my opinion of love alltogether.It's so nice to hear that you have found peace and are comfortabe with your special person being your friend. Im sure one day if we don't get back together then we will have a different kind of relationship. I just need to give us both time to find our feet. Although I am hoping she will realise that we can be together. Watch this space

 

Well it sounds to me as if you did find that special person most people dream of meeting but most never do. When I met my ex, there was this inexplicable desire in me to get to know him and I did. He told me things he'd never told a soul and I did the same for him. Unfortunately I screwed all that up and we broke up. I now look back on it as a case of meeting at the wrong time in our lives. Had I met him now, instead of a year earlier, we'd probably be together still and getting married sometime in the future. But that may never happen now, and I have found peace with that. But I still have him in my life, I still feel complete just talking to him. Things are still slightly awkward between us, but we're finding our way together on separate but parallel paths. I've always thought though, that if heaven does exist we will be reunited there and that also brings me peace, knowing that no matter how far apart we are, our souls are linked together still. Good luck and I hope that she does come around for you sooner or later.

[spyyder]

My answer: YOU CAN'T be in a long term relationship with the 'free spirit' type.

 

If you check my posts, all of my replies are very very long and this is the shortest ever post I've done....but for you its simple. Free spirit is a free spirit.

[earthfireuk]

Well it sounds to me as if you did find that special person most people dream of meeting but most never do. When I met my ex, there was this inexplicable desire in me to get to know him and I did. He told me things he'd never told a soul and I did the same for him. Unfortunately I screwed all that up and we broke up. I now look back on it as a case of meeting at the wrong time in our lives. Had I met him now, instead of a year earlier, we'd probably be together still and getting married sometime in the future. But that may never happen now, and I have found peace with that. But I still have him in my life, I still feel complete just talking to him. Things are still slightly awkward between us, but we're finding our way together on separate but parallel paths. I've always thought though, that if heaven does exist we will be reunited there and that also brings me peace, knowing that no matter how far apart we are, our souls are linked together still. Good luck and I hope that she does come around for you sooner or later.

 

Yeah I know what you mean, we both said it felt like we had known eachother all our lives. It was beautuful! I get what you say about it maybe being the wrong time for you two to be together. Looking back on my relationship I feel that because of where she is at in her life ( she needs to be free and travel the world on her own). It caused pressure in the relatinship. she needs to go and do what she needs to in order for her to be happy and so do I. I wouldn't want her to settle for anything less than her dreams. At least you guys are trying and both wanting to be together, that's what counts. Who knows maybe in the future you will rekindle your relationship. the way i see it is if you meet someone who really means that much to you then to be able to have another level of intimacy on top of that wonderful connection would be the most wonderful thing in the world! Im going to read you other posts when I finish work today :-) hope you have a nice day.

[aerogurl87]

Yeah I know what you mean, we both said it felt like we had known eachother all our lives. It was beautuful! I get what you say about it maybe being the wrong time for you two to be together. Looking back on my relationship I feel that because of where she is at in her life ( she needs to be free and travel the world on her own). It caused pressure in the relatinship. she needs to go and do what she needs to in order for her to be happy and so do I. I wouldn't want her to settle for anything less than her dreams. At least you guys are trying and both wanting to be together, that's what counts. Who knows maybe in the future you will rekindle your relationship. the way i see it is if you meet someone who really means that much to you then to be able to have another level of intimacy on top of that wonderful connection would be the most wonderful thing in the world! Im going to read you other posts when I finish work today :-) hope you have a nice day.

 

Love is a beautiful thing when it is in it's purest form. Unconditional love is rare nowadays, and it sounds like that's what you found. I found the same with my ex as he found with me although he tries to deny it still. We love each other, not because we want to, but because it is just a natural part of ourselves like waking up everyday and breathing. Letting her go was probably the best thing you could've done. I wish my ex would've let me be when I told him I wanted to be free, but he didn't and as I said before unfortunately I screwed things up with him. Was it beyond repair? I don't think so as he and I reconciled and stayed together for 5 months before breaking up for good. But we both needed space to grow and maybe that's what you and your ex needed.

 

She may go off and travel the world without you, but if she's meant to be with you, she will return to you one day or she'll find a way to stay in contact with you. My ex told me on the day he broke up with me that although he was leaving, one day he'd return to me. At first I took it as a pity speech to give me false hope, but as time goes on I think he truly believes he will one day fulfill that promise. And even if he doesn't I'll still have a part of him with me always in my heart, the same as you will have a part of your ex with you. I wish you the best of luck still and remember to live your life and do what you want now. Make yourself a better person for your own sake and if she does come back you two will be better off the second time around.

[earthfireuk]

Thank you aerogirl87, you speak from your heart and also mine.

[bussie]

It sounds like you are doing everything right to try and win this girl back. You have had great times with her, remember them, as sometimes the best thing you can do is just let go and see what happens. smile!

Hey, sorry this is quite long so apologies but I felt it might help to put the info in to get informed responses. Your help would be really appricated. Having a hard time right now.....

 

Met this wonderful girl last year, we became best friends. I have never met anyone who I connect with so well in my life.I believed and still do that she is my soulmate. I have been in love before but nothing like this. We have such a rare connection. We got together and she told me she loved me. She went travelling 5 weeks after we got together (she already had it planned before). We missed each other so much so she asked me to go out there with her. I then saved up, gave up my job and went out there with her 4 months into her trip. She began to get scared that being in a relationship would stop her from being able to travel in the future (she is a free spirit). Which made me feel quite insecure in our relationship as she kept having doubts. When I got there things were hard for us. She had travelled before and knew the ropes. I had never travelled before so had to find my feet and also deal with being round someone 24/7. She had been round the world before so she had a lot more experience. I also suffer from mild anxiety and while I was away it came out in the form of panic attacks (I am working on this now though). As a result I wasn’t my fun, happy, exciting self and that disappointed her. We argued a lot, mainly because I didn’t seem to be enjoying myself, and wasn’t being proactive in organising places to stay ect. She felt she was doing all the work. I explained to her that because of how I was feeling I found it difficult and that when I get home I will work on sorting it out because I was also disappointed with my self. When we got back we agreed that we would give us some time in a normal situation as we never really had a chance to date and take it slowly at the beginning (4 weeks of honeymoon period, then 4 months of being apart, then 4 months of being together 24.7). After 2 weeks of being back she started to get distant and then she told me that she doesn’t think she should be in a relationship and that she loves me but feels differently and broke up with me. It broke my heart a million times over. We kept in contact (texting, a call every now and again) and met up for a drink but I couldn’t help trying to make her see that we could sort out our problems. She said wants us to be friends, she misses me and if feels like she is losing her best friend but I told her I couldn’t be friend’s because I love her so much and it would be fair on either of us. She understood and cried telling me she will always be there for me. We haven’t spoken for 5 days now and I can’t stop thinking about her. She is such a special person and I want her to be back in my arms again. Do you have any advice on what would be the best way to win back her love? Did I make the right decision cutting contact? Its been 4 weeks since the split now. I have been working on myself since the break up and trying to make myself a better person. I just wish she would want to meet me half way and make us work. Any advice would be great.

Thank you so much for reading this.