Needing guidance in this situation

[oasisrob22]

Hey everyone,

 

First, I wanted to say thanks for reading! If you could offer any good advice, it would be much appreciated. Here goes my situation:

 

Been dating this girl for about 4 months now. She's living in the same town that I am this summer, working a VERY time-intensive job for our local university until July 9th. During the past couple of months, we were inseparable. Our dates were fun, we could talk for hours, we were sexually active, and we got along extremely well. She was truly my best friend, girlfriend, and lover.

 

About a month ago, she started her time-intensive job. We went from being inseparable to not being able to see each other, and just communicating on and off throughout the day via text. I also had stress building from not being able to move into my apartment and some financial issues, which I told her about.

 

This day, two weeks ago, her and I got into an argument because I left my phone behind at my house when I went over to a buddy's place to watch the Lakers game. I got really heated and told her that I can't do this anymore, that this isn't working. She got really upset and hung up the phone. I immediately regretted what I had done and tried to make amends immediately, and apologized profusely the next day. She seemed cold and distant (as she should be) and said that maybe when her job is over (which is in 3 weeks), we can start things over/pick up where we left off.

 

The past two weeks, we've been making small talk. I don't text her usually unless she texts me first. Some days she'll ask me a random question, other days she'll text me to initiate small talk. Last Wednesday I brought lunch over to her place and we ate and had an honest conversation. She said she still cared about me and that she missed me, but she has no time or effort to put into mending the relationship right now. We then took a nap together which she let me sleep with her in her bed, just like the old days. This past weekend, she was somewhat distant. Then two days ago, she saw my roommate on campus and told him to "tell Rob (me) I said hi", and later that day she Facebook chatted me after she changed her status from nothing to "single". I had written her a letter and planned on slipping it under her door later that night while she was out doing her skit that they perform for the incoming students.

 

She wanted to talk about things right then and there on Facebook. I told her that I want to be with her and that I've conveyed my feelings but I'm confused as to what she wants. She said that she doesn't want to be with me right now, she appreciates that I've been supportive and trying to make positive changes but she's numb to all feelings for now, and again, when her summer job is over on July 9th maybe we can rekindle things. After our convo, I went ahead and slipped the letter under her door anyway, saying that I put time and effort into it, that it meant a lot to me, and I thought she should still have it.

 

She texted me the next night, which was last night, saying she got the letter. I texted her saying that as much as I want to be in a relationship with her right now, I know that we can't. But I still want to be her friend and be supportive of her. And that maybe when her job is over we can work things out but right now she needs to take full advantage of her job opportunity and I need to work on making myself a better person. She agreed and said that she still wants me to be her friend.

 

This morning, she texted me asking me why my friend Lauren tweeted about me. Lauren had tweeted "So glad I got to hang out with (me) tonight! Soo cool". I told her I don't know why she tweeted at me but I didn't do anything out of the ordinary. She seemed fine with that answer and we made more small talk.

 

Readers, what's the best thing to do right now? There's 3 weeks left of her job, then she doesn't have any plans for the rest of the summer. She has no place to live until August (as her current housing is in a dorm on campus until July 9th) and she was planning on going back and forth between my place and her mom's house which is an hour and a half away, working a 8-10 hour part-time job down here. She's letting me use her car (as mine is beyond repair and am currently getting a new one in July) and still has a bunch of dresses and kitchen appliances that she is storing in my apartment; she's made no mention of taking any of those things back.

 

Thoughts? Advice would be greatly appreciated!

[DustySaltus]

Relationships are not tested when things are going well. They are tested when life throws all kinds of crap at us that distract us.

 

 

Are you happy with your life right now outside of the relationship? Are there things you would like to improve on? It seems like the stress got to you and you cracked. What's to make her think that it won't happen again? All you can do is learn from your mistakes, apologize and focus on yourself.

 

You cannot control anyone else's feelings accept your own. If she comes back it will be for the right reasons. Until then, stop contact with her unless you want to become friendzoned. Focus on yourself and what you need to do so something like this doesn't happen again in the future. Learn from this.

[oasisrob22]

Thanks for your advice. Am I still okay to respond to her texts? I definitely don't want to be "friend-zoned". What's the best way to give her space without crowding her or pushing her away?

[StarrySkyBlue]

Honestly, I don't think texting her will get you 'friendzoned'. If you don't respond to her texts, however, she will feel you're distancing yourself and might also pull away more so as not to get hurt.

 

Keep doing what you're doing -- make small talk. Make her feel your presence, but don't bombard her with texts, emails, emotions. Let her know you care about her. Keep the time you spend together light and fun. Three weeks isn't a long time.

 

I think she is still interested in you. That's why she asked you about your friend. But maybe she's being cautious as well, because, in the past, you 'broke up' with her over something pretty silly, and she's not sure if she would get hurt again if you got back together. Right now, just try to be confident and mature. No unnecessary drama. I think you'll be fine.

 

Hope things work out for you!

[oasisrob22]

Thanks StarrySky. She texted me last night asking where I was downtown and we were making small talk. I went to bed and woke up to a text from her that she sent after I fell asleep saying "Goodnight...". Progress? I hope so. Just gotta give it time and patience. We all make mistakes, I'm only human, and I'm working on myself to be a better person and be the man she knows I can be.

[S.Tee]

Hi,

 

I would say all the outcome depends on you. She seems to be OK, texting, get in touch with you, allowing you to use her car etc. only things different is her lifestyle (working, stress) but her feelings is still the same. She is going slowly coz she can see you are in doubts, kinda warm, not hot like before.

 

You are not to be blame coz two of you are in the stage to discover yourself and not forcing yourself due to sympathy or commitment...and you are doing the right thing! She is also waiting but no high expectation.

 

Your relationship is going on fine, only that I hope you can decide sooner whether to remain just friends or become a couple like before. Pls do not let her wait too long, see is right there for you buddy.

[oasisrob22]

I have an update in this whole situation:

 

So yesterday, she told me she was going late-night swimming. I told her to have fun. Then she tweeted later that night about how there was an unexpected turn of events, and that she couldn't be happier, and that she was high on life. I tweeted this morning that I was "disappointed" (because I found out this morning I didn't get a job I wanted, oh well). She texted me and asked me about my tweet and I told her. And I asked her how her night went and what "unexpected events" happened, and she said "Long story", and I was like, "Oh tell me." and she proceeded to say it was none of my business, and that we're not together and its not something I want to hear.

 

So I asked her, "Is this anything against trying to start things over or rekindle things after your job is over?" and she goes "Probably not". And I asked her to tell me the truth, so she told me someone is interested in her. She told me it's a guy she's been good friends with on and off (off during our relationship) and that she liked him well before we started dating, but nothing ever came about of it. I guess they hung out last night so I don't know how long they've been talking for, presumably for a week or two. I asked her what her feelings were on the whole situation and she said that she doesn't know, it's all news to her and she's not going to make any decisions right now. I told her I understood and that I'll leave her alone.

 

Any thoughts on this? Yes I know the tweets are immature and I hate this whole social networking thing, but alas it's the world we live in.