Ex GF, need Help Please!

[koreanman]

Okay here is my situation. I was 15 when i first met her, she was of the same age. We were each others first love. We deeply cared for one another, but then family tragedies hit both of us and we were unable to continue our relationship, largely because of me. I was unstable and had to sort things out for myself as I was only 16-17. So we went our separate ways. In college, I met a girl, who was really beautiful and loved me unconditionally. We were together for 4 years and those years were nice. However, I never really loved her the way I loved my first love. It was more of a friendship type love w/ my last ex girlfriend. So inevitably, she broke up w/ me after telling me she did not love me anymore. I was devastated, but I knew it was not real love.

 

So I contacted my first love months after ( I was probably rebounding, but nonetheless I still liked her). We got back together and she dumped the guy she was seeing for me.

However, we were both in our first years of law school, and guess what, I have another family tragedy. I was an emotional wreck and fell into a deep, deep, depression with severe anxiety. So after a few months, I told her, please just give me one year to sort things out for myself, and lets try to get back with each other after my heart heals. She said okay, but I knew she felt betrayed. I kept on trying to keep in touch with her throughout that year. But she made it clear she was not as accepting of me, and I felt it, she definitely felt hurt by what I did.

 

However, here's where things get a little tricky. Recently, I began exchanging e-mails with her again. I asked her to go to a formal dinner party with me that my law school was throwing. So we went. It was very romantic, and we had a wonderful evening. We talked all night, laughed, and it felt like it was old times. I felt like I was falling in love w/ her again, and at the least, I could tell she was showing real interest in me again also. It was so mind boggling to me to think that I may have a chance w/ her again. I wanted to just let myself and my heart go and fall in love w/ her again, but I was scared because of how I was hurt and how she felt betrayed after the things that happened last time. I feel like things have changed in our lives now, where I'm starting to stabilize a lot more, and I'm beginning to grow more mature. Im 25 now, still young, I know. I know I love her and I've never felt this way towards a girl before in my life, of the few hundreds I've met and the few dozens I've dated. Although she does have her flaws, and I realize we have our problems, I just can't help the way I feel, and its driving me crazy.

 

Right now, I feel like I just want to go with the flow and let her call the shots and let her do what she's comfortable and just wait, but meanwhile I agonize during the times I cant see her or be reaffirmed with her.

 

Any suggestions??

[Tony T]

I don't see that you have a choice in the matter. This girl is no fool. She has seen that in the past you are not able to handle family tragedy in a healthy way. She wants a man who will grow closer to her and go through those things with her rather than back off and break up.

 

I think she still cares about you very much but she's not about to jump back into your arms until she sees very clearly for herself that you have grown up a lot and that when the chips are down you don't go bonkers.

 

If you have another family or other problem, go quickly to counselling and don't sacrifice a great relationship. Our great loves are the people who are there to hold us up and give us hope when there is sorrow in our lives. We don't just go ditching them at that time.

 

Give her a lot of credit for giving you another chance. Try to make it worth her while. Don't rush her. Right now, she's being very hesitant and you can hardly blame her.

[koreanman]

Dear Tony,

thank you for your candid thoughts. You are right. She is a wonderful, amazing woman, and that is why I love her so much and can never forget about her. I will wait years I have to.

 

Best...