Trying NC....but he just showed up!

[realitybliss]

I've been wanting to post something for awhile, this is my first time posting on here.

 

Long story put short, I was with my ex all through high school so almost 5 years and then we broke up. We both dated others, I was even in another serious relationship but never forgot about my ex because he was my first love and he moved to another city in high school so it didn't work out.

 

Back in 2004, I called him after so many years just to say hi and we admitted we still thought of eachother and we still loved eachother. We got back together and he showed up at my work one day and surprised me. Just 6 months later he proposed to me and said he never wants to lose me ever again.

 

He moved back here to be with me and we started to live together. We were happy. I was happy to have the love of my life back with me.

 

So here we are 5 1/2 years later. We still didn't get married because he wanted to focus more on his career first and save up money to get married. He came here with no job and basically no money but he spent it on a beautiful ring for me. After talking to the priest that was gonna marry us we admitted we lived together and that's against what we believe in before marriage. So he said we should try to move out and live seperatly, so we did. We've been living apart since last year in September. Things were hard but we still tried to work it out and loved eachother a lot.

 

In the beginning of June, I noticed he started acting distant and different. I asked him what was going on and he said he needed a "break" from me. I was so sad and confused. He said he loved me but he still feels like he wants to focus more on his career and I want to settle down, get married and have kids. That we both want different things at the wrong time. I tried giving him space, but I still called him crying and begging him to come back.

 

Finally, after a couple weeks I said I couldn't take it anymore and I said we should just end it. He said he didn't want to keep me waiting around for him to be ready to settle down and didn't want to take away me having a chance of having kids. He's 30 and I'm 29 turning 30 this year.

 

So I decided to go NC a week ago. I couldn't just be his "friend" and hang out like we used to. Ever since this week, he's been calling me 5x a day. Even calling my family seeing where I was and if I was okay. I stayed strong because this is the longest we've never talked before.

 

Just an hour ago my Uncle said that he's at the door. I didn't want to see him but he wouldn't leave. I finally talked to him and he wanted to see if I was okay and how come I wasn't picking up his calls. I said it's just hard to be just his friend because I still loved him. He said he misses me and still loves me. But he never told me he wants me back or wants to work this out so I'm soooooo confused! He said he'll leave me alone if thats what I want but he doesn't want that.

 

So here I am, I don't know what to do. Should I continue NC and just try and move on? But I do want him back but I want him to want things too, his actions speak like he wants to but he's just not telling me.

 

Please help!!!

[hopefulInFuture]

I think this guy is acting selfish, he does not want to commit to you, yet he wants you around while he's moving on with his life and doing whatever he wants. As hard as this sounds, you need to move on. If you stay around he'll eventually take you for granted. If you beg him to come back to you and he accepts to be with you he'll leave you again in the future and he'll blame you because he has not lived the life he "wants" to live.

 

The thing is that if he's not happy and he does not know what he wants, this is not your fault. If he can't make up his mind, this is not your fault. You deserve better than a person who does not know what he wants and who's carelessness about your feelings is really sad.

 

One thing I know is that he does not deserve for you to be hanging around. Do you want him to be doing this to you every 5 years? This is an awful feeling. Find someone who deserves you. Or at least show him that you are happy and doing great and moving on without him. Maybe he understands this time that he can't play with people's feelings as much as he wants. Maybe this time he'll understand what he's losing.

[001bh]

My gf is doing the same thing to me. We're a decade younger but I really feel your pain.