Ex keeps contacting me, even though I told him not to

[nutter78]

Hi all,

 

My ex, who shattered my heart, who ran off and wouldn't speak to me for months, now contacts me on intervals.

 

It started off 1am, 3am, 5am obviously when he was out and had a few drinks. I never picked up those calls because he had started seeing someone else and quite frankly I wouldn't answer anyway simply because of the lack of respect shown in those timings.

 

We went through a period where he was calling at normal hours and we talked on the phone for long periods of time, like old times and I finally met up with him. We slept together and then he disappeared saying he was confused but didn't want a relationship (with me).

 

Now the calls come through insistently - call after call - sometimes 30 at a time. He tries from private numbers, and every now and then catches me out by calling from another number which I pick up unknowingly. I'll be polite but end it upbruptly. Last time he called all day from a private number and I knew it would be him because who else would call on the hour every hour all day. I finally picked up late that night and told him to stop. I didn't want him calling any more.

 

Last night he called and left a message on my phone saying he knew I didn't want him to contact me but that could I go out to dinner with him sometime.

 

I haven't replied. I'm confused. I had loved this man so much. Should I meet him for dinner or just continue to ignore him. Or change my number?

[fabulous_chk]

Are you healed? Are you ready to have your heart broken again. If not? Ignore.

 

 

If you want to give him a second chance, meet up with him but do not sleep with him. Allow him to chase you. Plus, you're single, so keep on dating other guys. Treat him like he's just one of the guys you go out with for fun. He has to work to get you back.

 

I have almost the same story but I haven't posted in the Second Chances forum. I would have kept my No Contact rule but something told me to pick up. And I'm glad that I did, because his dad died that very evening that we met up. I was there as a friend, as his rock, while he was reeling with the loss of a parent.

 

After this I'm thinking of either "reconciling" or go back to strict NC. It depends on how my ex feels.

 

Do you want to give him a second chance?

[TaraMaiden]

Last night he called and left a message on my phone saying he knew I didn't want him to contact me but that could I go out to dinner with him sometime.

 

I haven't replied. I'm confused. I had loved this man so much. Should I meet him for dinner or just continue to ignore him. Or change my number?

 

The only reason he contacts you is because he knows you will respond.

If you refuse to even talk to him, then he cannot contact you, can he?

 

He is jerking your chain.

Why?

because he can.

And you are willingly letting him.

 

So if he is simply getting under your skin, but you know it will not work - then stop acting like a silly girl and quit responding!

 

Do NOT go out to dinner with him.

What part of "do not contact me!" Does he not understand?

None of it.

he understands it all right.

He is just ignoring it because he knows you will give in.

So, if you don't want this stuff to happen - you have to stop it happening.

[nutter78]

Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant! Thank you TaraMaiden :-)

 

I know! You just can't help running through all the what if's in your head. What if we can really be friends? What if he wants me back? What if he is lonely? OMG, how pathetic hey!!!

[TaraMaiden]

No.

You are not pathetic.

repeat - you are NOT pathetic.

 

But you love him in a different way to the way he feels about you.

He is a user and a manipulator.

You must remember this, he is working you and wearing you down.

 

Let me tell you something that you may find hard to digest, but is absolutely true:

The emotions you are feeling, you are constructing and generating in your head, first and foremost.

Your emotions follow your line of thinking.

And your thinking is being influenced by his actions.

You are letting his actions cloud your mind, affect your thinking, and create your emotions.

 

In that order.

 

So first of all, change your view of what he is doing.

 

See how manipulative he is being, and what a total jerk he actually is.

 

Then, think to yourself,

 

"What am I a freckin' doormat?? Get outta here! No way are you walking all over me, ever again, not one more second!! Go fry buddy, I am sooo done with you, and here it ends, right now!"

 

Now -

 

 

 

Look at how you are feeling.

 

Feels great, doesn't it?

 

See?!?

I told you!