Confused and happy?

[adewey]

I'm a little confused about the circumstances of my relationship with my gf. See we've been together for almost 3yrs now and for 2 of those years we were inseparable. We were always together and for the most part never spent a night apart. We were speaking of marriage and the whole nine yards.

 

Then about 11/2yrs ago I received a promotion with my company, which would require me to move from the east coast to Las Vegas, NV. So we both agreed that we should make the move. She said that it would be great since, first off she's from the west coast and would be closer to family. Secondly, She said she had friends in Las Vegas. So everything seemed great.

 

After we moved to Las Vegas, everything was going great. We loved the new area, I loved my job and she found a good job herself. Then it all began to happen.

 

I was introduced to her friends and we began to hang out. My gf then explained to me that these friends, were the sisters of her ex-boyfriend of about 5 yrs. I did'nt make anything of it and we continued to go out with them and socialize with them. After about a month or so, their brother, her ex-boyfriend, moved to Las Vegas. Now I don't know if he specifically did it to move closer to her or not. But I was told that he had quit his job 0f 6 yrs to make the move.

 

Now this still did not bother me, nor did I ever think it should. The problem was that now, although he knew she was with me, I was no longer welcome at her friends house or did they invite me to go out. Maybe I was wrong, but I trusted her and sincerely felt the love between us and was confident everything was OK. So I would go out with my friends and she would occasionally go there. No big deal.

 

Then it finally happened, one night some of us had gone out and when dropping her friends off, we ran into him. So we finally met. We actually got along well and hung out for a while. After a few weeks though we were out and for some reason he had made a few comments I did not like. So I told him what I thought and was on my way. We did not hang out after that.

 

Well to kind of make a long story short, I've been known to ramble. She continued to hang out with them and since he was a friend from her youth I saw no problem with her hanging out with that group of people. But after a few months I realized that every time she would say she was going to hang out with the group, she was actually going out with him. And this probably went on for a few months. She had never lied to me before or had ever hurt me.

 

I was unable to put up with it, but I still loved her dearly. So I did what I lot of people do, which now I think it was a mistake, I questioned her and she denied it and I questioned her and she denied it, so we began to rub each other the wrong way and were arguing allot, until I finally just left.

 

Once I left, he moved in probably a couple of weeks later. The weird part is that we still were talking. She had told me that he did'nt have a place to live since his family had moved. And that they were not together. I usually would not have believed anyone, but for some reason I believed her and she explained some awaking details about his personality.

 

Well anyway, its been 2 months now and the whole time we've been talking on the phone, occasionally going to lunch and such, and expressing our intentions. The thing that is unusual to me is during this time we've been probably more passionate and more understanding of each other. We've continued to talk of marriage and future goals and the whole nine yards. And now she is kicking him out, says she realizes that her feelings for him were just lust and that she does love him, but knows he's not good for her. Just to fill you in a little, when she moved to the east coast, it was mostly her mothers doing to get her away from him. And now she wants to get back with me and I don't know if that would be a good idea. I do love her without a doubt, but should I give her time to get over him, is she over him, and why would she even chance sacrificing this. Maybe I'm too much of a push over, since I let her live her own life and do not try to constrict her at all. But I do make my feelings known. This is the most uncomfortable thing I have ever had to deal with.

 

If anyone has any suggestions of why she would do this and what the underlying reasons might be please, tell me.

[Tony T]

So she betrays you, violates your trust and good nature, takes up with her ex while she is still living with you....breaks up with you....spends months with him....it doesn't work out....and she wants to get back with you?????

 

You have got to be out of your everlovin' mind to even consider staying with her. This is a lady who betrayed you in the most heinous of ways....she's untrustworthy, underhanded, and a snake of the highest order. Note: I am coming back in here to edit this post to ad that she is a liar of the highest order as well. She has lied to you throughout this whole matter and continues to tell some wild tales and you are buying into all of them. I am in total disbelief.

 

This lady is an opportunist and will do whatever floats her boat at the time no matter how much it hurts you or others. There is no way you will ever be able to trust her again.

 

If you take her back, you will show her she can screw you over anytime and you'll just be fine with it. This really stinks. You ought not to be talking to her or having anything to do with her.

 

Listen...life is tough. All of us need a partner we can count on to be honest and loyal. If the most important person in our lives is capable of screwing us over behind our back, we are basically alone.

 

And don't even think for a half of a second that her ex moved to Vegas without a lot of encouragement from you know who!!!

 

Go find someone who isn't as sleezy or slimey. I don't care how nice she was in the past, how faithful, etc. Animals in the jungle are the same way...they are calm and relaxed behind the bushes, awaiting an opportunity to stomp on their prey. You don't need this in your own yard.

 

I can't even believe you are asking this question. I can't believe you are talking to her.

 

If you take her back, you deserve the screwing you'll get the next time an opportunity presents itsel to herf. I can smell her from here and it really stinks!!!

[Dragonflys]

and that comment is coming from another guy.

 

Problem is though, that this girl you are dating is exactly what Tony says, an opportunist. She wants something other than you can offer..a badboy that will make her feel so bad yet so good. Its one of the most painful realities we can face.

 

The nice part of her, the one that talks to you, wants commitment, seems happy is only a part of her, and unfortunately is not the whole. I get the sense that though many years to come she may seek that 'edge'. It might be a good idea to do yourself a favour and cease contact with for a while so she can grasp the reality of having the 'edge' she wants..and see how she goes when she does not have a great guy like you around.

 

I don't know if that will give her enough perspective to 'shock' the chemicals out of her, but if you just continue on your easy track she may always be wanting more, and you wouldn't want to discover that hard reality after 10 years of marriage and 3 children.

 

Oliver

[HokeyReligions]

Originally posted by adewey

The thing that is unusual to me is during this time we've been probably more passionate and more understanding of each other. We've continued to talk of marriage and future goals and the whole nine yards.

 

And now she is kicking him out, says she realizes that her feelings for him were just lust and that she does love him, but knows he's not good for her. .

 

I pretty much agree with what the others have said, but this section puzzles me. If it was "just lust" then was she having sex with him the whole time he was staying there? And what about the "love" bit? Does she love him or not?

 

Have you been tested for STD's since you said you and she were "more passionate...." lately? Condoms are not 100% effective.

 

Anyway, don't let her make you a doormat or a safety-net. Find someone who is loyal and trustworthy.

[Ally Boo]

I would hope that the woman of your dreams wouldn't do that to you under any circumstances... You might wanna re-think things. However, if you really love her and want to try again. Sometimes, it takes an experience like that to move things forward. Set up some boundaries before you move to fast again.