Update and more questions

[Hi Fi Guy]

I am not sure if you remember my postings from a few months ago. I posted about my breakup and how the sitution was confusing and questions unanswered on her part. Just to recap, she out of the blue broke off our over 1 1/2 year relationship because she had an idea that sometime in the future I might get tired of her and her kids and leave her and to save the heartache down the road better to call it off now. The entire following two months after she kept calling and mailing me saying that she still loves me, misses me, kids miss me,,, but love isn't enough and that we aren't meant to be.

 

Well, I took Tony's, Midori's, and Laulynne's advice and cut off ALL contact with her. I deleted mail, unanswered phones and just tried to disappear from her. Well it has been almost 2 months since last contact and out of the blue she calls me tonight. I had no idea and was totally shocked. She started talking and conversing like nothing had ever happened. She said that she was thinking of me, the kids were asking, and wanted to talk. I tried to be brief and politely try to get off the phone, but she just kept talking about her life and wanted to know what I was doing. I know that she has called one of my employees trying to find out things about me. Well,,, now she wants me to start calling her and she wants me to come and meet her. I guess my questions are what would anyone else do? I know that I am not perfect and pry did something that made her do this, or she just did it on a whim. I also took the advice her and have moved on. Part of me knows that it is a VERY BIG risk to go back with her. Part of me knows that if she did it once, she will do it again. Part of me knows that she is keeping me as a reserve in case someone else doesn't work out. But another part of me still loves her and misses her. I was wondering if anyone else had a similar situation to mine and what they did. Should I just try to keep a distant friendship with her or should I meet her to find out what is going on. Any advice will help. The replies that I got before were excellent advice. Tony, you really have a handle on things and tell it straight up. If ya ever need any audio of video stuff,, hollar me,,,lol

 

Thanks,,, the Hi Fi Guy

[midori]

Dear Hi Fi Guy,

 

It sounds to me like you already know the answer:

Part of me knows that it is a VERY BIG risk to go back with her. Part of me knows that if she did it once, she will do it again. Part of me knows that she is keeping me as a reserve in case someone else doesn't work out.

This sounds right to me. You said that she just started talking as if nothing had happened. But it did, you know it, and she knows it -- she's just hoping you'll let it slide. I think that would be a big BIG mistake.

 

It would be one thing if she got in touch with you and said something like, "I was a mess before, very unfair to you, here's where I was .... and why .... but I'm not there anymore and if you'll allow me just a little bit into your life I'd like the chance to redeem myself..." -- but she's not saying that. Nowhere near it. For one thing it would take a lot more time than two months for someone as deluded and self-absorbed as she seems to be to make such monumental break-throughs (barring a miracle). More importantly, she's just not saying that, period. She was talking about herself & what's going on in her life. Wow, how thoughtful. What concern for you she demonstrates.

 

I'd steer clear of this woman. I think you should continue to avoid her at all costs. If you can, change your number. Or get caller i.d. Don't give her the opportunity to disrupt your life. She's just proving all the more that the conclusions you reached about her two months ago are accurate -- she seems to be just as self-centered & thoughtless as she was then. Which isn't surprising. But you've had enough of her nonsense, haven't you? If you maintain any kind of relationship with her you will be signing on for more nonsense.

 

It was all about her then. It's all about her now. Perhaps she'll always be that way, either way you can be pretty certain she's not going to change anytime soon. Is that what you want?

[Tony T]

It's called rejected child syndrome. Most people just can't handle rejection. She also probably hasn't found anybody else of any consequence.

 

She is obviously unstable, having broken up with you after 1 1/2 years. She probably met somebody else and it hasn't worked out.

 

Don't let her jerk you around. You don't need that. You can't trust her to be loyal to you because she has already proved to you her capacity for breaking up with you on a whim.

 

Thank her for her recent calls and let her know you're not interested.

 

If you go back to her, it will just be an ego boost for her...a challenge met...and you will once again go into the fire.

 

Don't let people do that to you.

[velvet]

At one time I believed that a person would be capable of ending a good r/s in fear of a broken heart. Im not so sure I believe it anymore. I consider it an excuse to get out and anyone who would believe such BS is in denial.

 

When two people are in love, nothing like you mentioned would come btw them. And for her to say love isnt enough, well what elese is there to live for?

 

As for her calling, keep conversation short and to the point. Dont let her rattle on to you. If you keep each other talking long enough, she may think shes got you hooked and never leave you alone.

 

Tell her she made her decision and told you to move on.

 

Now she needs to learn from her mistakes and move on.

 

If shes got it bad for you, its really all your decision to love her back.

 

But I would just tell her your afraid of her growing tierd of you and leaving you with a heartbreak. Turn the tables on her.

I am not sure if you remember my postings from a few months ago. I posted about my breakup and how the sitution was confusing and questions unanswered on her part. Just to recap, she out of the blue broke off our over 1 1/2 year relationship because she had an idea that sometime in the future I might get tired of her and her kids and leave her and to save the heartache down the road better to call it off now. The entire following two months after she kept calling and mailing me saying that she still loves me, misses me, kids miss me,,, but love isn't enough and that we aren't meant to be. Well, I took Tony's, Midori's, and Laulynne's advice and cut off ALL contact with her. I deleted mail, unanswered phones and just tried to disappear from her. Well it has been almost 2 months since last contact and out of the blue she calls me tonight. I had no idea and was totally shocked. She started talking and conversing like nothing had ever happened. She said that she was thinking of me, the kids were asking, and wanted to talk. I tried to be brief and politely try to get off the phone, but she just kept talking about her life and wanted to know what I was doing. I know that she has called one of my employees trying to find out things about me. Well,,, now she wants me to start calling her and she wants me to come and meet her. I guess my questions are what would anyone else do? I know that I am not perfect and pry did something that made her do this, or she just did it on a whim. I also took the advice her and have moved on. Part of me knows that it is a VERY BIG risk to go back with her. Part of me knows that if she did it once, she will do it again. Part of me knows that she is keeping me as a reserve in case someone else doesn't work out. But another part of me still loves her and misses her. I was wondering if anyone else had a similar situation to mine and what they did. Should I just try to keep a distant friendship with her or should I meet her to find out what is going on. Any advice will help. The replies that I got before were excellent advice. Tony, you really have a handle on things and tell it straight up. If ya ever need any audio of video stuff,, hollar me,,,lol Thanks,,, the Hi Fi Guy