allsport_12 Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 Sorry this is long!! Me and my ex went out for about 2 years on and off (we've broken up twice due to various reasons ill explain later) but after this last time we broke up (a month ago) she got a bf 2 weeks later. Shes a needy type that seems to want a bf, but the problem is I want her back REALLY bad and think about her non-stop because she is a really great girl. When we broke up it was because I was in a "down mood" and was emotionless. Well it turns out that I have a slight disorder where when I get stressed, I get emotionless (I just sought help and will get it fixed and she knows that). So when we broke up a month ago I was in one of those moods, that I cannot do anything to prevent and said something I shouldnt have. Well a week later we broke up and 2 weeks later shes dating another guy after we went out for almost 2 years! Well I sent her flowers and stuff like that to get her back, THEN AFTER I send them, I find out she has a bf, then we talk and I ask her if we'll get back together and she says things like "you know I cant talk about that im dating someone" or "you'd have to reassure me that you got help because I dont ever want to go through that pain again." I tried explaining to her even though it was my fault it realy wasnt cuz there was NOTHING i could do about it and the problem is fixed(right after we hung up I sceduled a dr appt) so I'll never be like I was again, I'd just be the normal "sweet" me...well... Its been almost 2 weeks since I last spoke to her, how long do I hold off before I talk to her again? or what should I do?!!?!? Link to post Share on other sites
delfina Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 I'm afraid she doesn't sound like such a great girl. If she really loves you, why would she be with someone else so soon after the breakup? And, if she is really committed to you, why would she act like problems you are having are insurmountable? Think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
vivrantflo Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 Alright, this is what u have to do. You've been getting help for your issues which is really good.. I just hope you're doing it for you, and not just to impress her and get her back. I say write her an email letting her know that you're getting the help you need, and that things are looking postive for you. You understand the mistakes you made in the relationship, and you understand how much you hurt her. Let her know that you still love her, and that you want her back.. then leave her alone. I know it SUCKS that she's with someone else right now, but you have two years of history with this woman.. this new guy doesnt have that. Let your woman have the opportunity to live life without you and miss you, cause she will. When she gets in contact with you, keep it brief, let her know the progress you've made, and thats it. She already knows you want her back, so u dont have to keep telling her. For your own sake, keep working on yourself, and dont put all your eggs in one basket.. cause there's a possibilty that she may not come back. Just keep your head up, and give yourself time to improve yourself, and at the same time, it gives her time to miss you. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author allsport_12 Posted April 30, 2007 Author Share Posted April 30, 2007 Thanks for the info, its really helpful! But just a clarification. So after my appointment with the dr I shouldn't call her to let her know how it went, but instead wait for her to call me, even if its months? Also, another topic to add a spin to this, what are the chances that they had something going...for example "talking" or getting to know eachother before me and her broke it off and how does that affect the situation? Oh and I forgot to mention that inbetween the 2weeks we were broken up and she got a bf. She wouldn't talk to me bc I tried to call her to explain what I might have. Well before she knew about my little disorder she would say "we'll never date again" through txt msgs, but after we talked on the phone her mind seemed to waiver from that to a big question mark full of mixed signals...such as if asked about her feelings for me instead of replying "ive moved on" she'd say "(my name here) you know I can't talk about that because I'm dating someone" Link to post Share on other sites
Teddy and Jane Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 You are not going to like what I have to say here, but my sister was with a guy for three years. She thought they would end up married. Well, one day she met a guy handing out fliers on a sidewalk. (She was in grad. school at the time and he was a member of a political organization). Well...once she met him, that was it. It was an easy relationship, he was just "the one." The next day after she met him, she called her boyfriend and told him it was over. Her boyfriend was absolutely devastated as he was completely crazy about and in love with my sister. Oh well, that's life! That was twelve years ago. They have the best marriage and are closer than any couple I have ever seen. See, it is very possible she was just blown away by this guy and she is getting from him what she was missing with you. You have no control over this, if she is into him, she's into him, and there's nothing you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
vivrantflo Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 All sport, dont get depressed by that story.. the odds of that happening here are very slim.. it is possible, but slim. Just write her the email, make changes on yourself, and be positive! Yeah, it's true, she may, or may not come back, but the end result should be the same.. you becoming a better person out of this situation. You can't control what happens between your ex and that guy, and it DOES really suck.. I'm sure u wanna kill him.. but what u CAN do is control how much contact she has with you. And you can now set the stage for her to THINK about you, and MISS you.. Trust me.. work on you, and leave her alone for now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author allsport_12 Posted May 1, 2007 Author Share Posted May 1, 2007 well she got engaged and we went out for 1.5 years and havent been broke up a month! they probably havent even even been talking a month b4 they went otu...i cant believe it! the marrage date is in 1.5 years...what do yall think?!?! Link to post Share on other sites
vivrantflo Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 my goodness.. can anyone say rebound??? That's crazy.. dont worry man.. whether they are dating, living together, or engaged... you still need to work on you.. Don't worry about her.. she's all caught up in the puppy love, and newness of that relationship.. they have set the wedding for a year and a half.. lots of things can happen in that time.. LOTS of things can happen in a month. So don't worry about her. Continue NC, and try your best not to attain any information about her, and what's she's doing. You don't need to know all that right now. Disappear, and let her think about you, and miss you.. she still will, but make sure to disappear, and work on yourself Link to post Share on other sites
Author allsport_12 Posted May 1, 2007 Author Share Posted May 1, 2007 now unless it ends in a month or 2.shes just gonna get more and more excited the closer it gets...keeping them together...the only good news is next fall hes gonna go to a college thats 3.5 hours from her Link to post Share on other sites
vivrantflo Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 On the other hand, you can go NC for one to two months, and you'll feel a lot better about the situation that you're in. You have to stop worrying about her so much. I know it hurts, but you two are broken up... and you have to let her go. You're damaging yourself by getting all this information about her and her man. NC dude! By doing this, you accomplish two things. 1. You're maximizing your chances of reconciliation with her, by disappearing. You vanish, she'll have time to think, and weigh out her options.. either staying with him, working things out with you, or staying single. 2. and most important.. you're giving yourself time to heal from the break up, and you're giving yourself time to get over your own issues. You need to do that, cause if your ex doesnt come back, you will date someone else, and run into the SAME problems again, cause you havent fixed your issues.. work on yourself man, and dont worry about what she's doing. Put yourself first my friend.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author allsport_12 Posted May 2, 2007 Author Share Posted May 2, 2007 Ok this is for her sake not mine, how do I keep her from making a huge mistake! She hasn't known this guy but for 7months maximum! plus they havent dated but for a VERY MAXIMUM of one month......is the situation for her hopeless? i kinda am realizing it is. I just dont want her to end up divorced after a year or two because she never really knew what she was getting into. Link to post Share on other sites
Teddy and Jane Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 Ok this is for her sake not mine, how do I keep her from making a huge mistake! She hasn't known this guy but for 7months maximum! plus they havent dated but for a VERY MAXIMUM of one month......is the situation for her hopeless? i kinda am realizing it is. I just dont want her to end up divorced after a year or two because she never really knew what she was getting into. It could very well be a situation like I was talking about with my sister. She just fell head over heels with this guy and there's nothing you can do. Just wish her well and move on with your life! Link to post Share on other sites
Author allsport_12 Posted May 2, 2007 Author Share Posted May 2, 2007 I guess I don't have to worry about NC because well shes changed her emails, everything else AND her phone number...this is just a really wierd situation. Link to post Share on other sites
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