Is it really over???

[rokkyr]

My girlfriend and I split up after 7 years together. I loved her and she loved me, but it was generally a good relationship but we did have a few bumps in the road. I broke off with her last year mainly because of my own BS commitment issues, She was heartbroken for 12 months. I asked to her to come back and get married but a wall came down. Now she says she is over me, no longer has any of those kind of feelings for me, but we can be just friends. Now the shoe is on the other foot and I am dying inside. Is it really over like she emphatically says, and just be friends or can time heal it and we can work on getting back together?? If she was over me, why woould she want to remain friends? I have been getting mixed signals, Some calls that she really didn't need to call for.. etc ......I need help.

[stace79]

If she doesn't feel that she's "in love" with you anymore, I think it's a lost cause. After a certain amount of time, feelings can and do change, and it's hard to go back after that. Maybe if so much time hadn't passed. If she DOES still love you, which she may never admit even if she does, I think you would have to do quite a bit of work to demonstrate that you mean it this time and you aren't going to quit on her. At least that is how I would feel if I were her. I would have to be able to do whatever I wanted for awhile, with you sticking around unconditionally, for me to believe you were really serious this time. Anyway like I said, if she isn't in love with you anymore, I don't think there's anything you can do....you blew it.

[littlebopeep]

When you broke it off with her last year,was it because you stopped loving her or because things had become a habit and you felt the grass may be greener?

 

Did you date any1 else in the time you were apart and what made you realise that you still loved her?Im in a situation similar to yours where in he left me after 4.5 years together because he had to go away for a year,he broke it off 5 weeks after he went.

 

Looking at it from my situation which is also your exs i would say she will be very wary to try again because if you have done it once you can do it again.This is the second time my ex has done this to me.The 1st time we were apart for 2 months but he came back saying he wanted to work things out because he realised that his life was nothing without me in it.

 

We were together another 2.5 years and really happy until he did it again with no warning to me whatsoever.That was over 7 months ago.I loved him with all my heart,in some ways still do but although he wanted to remain friends he hasnt made that much effort.

 

I was a good g/friend to him and people say he will be back but i think hes left it too long now.If he had wanted me back all he had to do was pick up the phone and i would have probably given him a last chance but as time is going on ive become a much more stronger/independant person and in my opinion he gave up on some1 who loved him 100% too easily.

 

Your ex has probably changed ie,gotten over the hurt you caused her and wont want to go through it all again if you were to change your mind again.Being in your exs situation,all i can advise you to do is either cut all contact or try being just friends and hope that in time she may begin to feel for you again and learn to trust you again.

 

You have to earn her trust back again but that will be hard.If you still love her enough then be patient with her.Im not saying it will work out but good luck anyway.

[rokkyr]

When you broke it off with her last year,was it because you stopped loving her or because things had become a habit and you felt the grass may be greener?

 

Did you date any1 else in the time you were apart and what made you realise that you still loved her?Im in a situation similar to yours where in he left me after 4.5 years together because he had to go away for a year,he broke it off 5 weeks after he went.

 

Looking at it from my situation which is also your exs i would say she will be very wary to try again because if you have done it once you can do it again.This is the second time my ex has done this to me.The 1st time we were apart for 2 months but he came back saying he wanted to work things out because he realised that his life was nothing without me in it.

 

We were together another 2.5 years and really happy until he did it again with no warning to me whatsoever.That was over 7 months ago.I loved him with all my heart,in some ways still do but although he wanted to remain friends he hasnt made that much effort.

 

I was a good g/friend to him and people say he will be back but i think hes left it too long now.If he had wanted me back all he had to do was pick up the phone and i would have probably given him a last chance but as time is going on ive become a much more stronger/independant person and in my opinion he gave up on some1 who loved him 100% too easily.

 

Your ex has probably changed ie,gotten over the hurt you caused her and wont want to go through it all again if you were to change your mind again.Being in your exs situation,all i can advise you to do is either cut all contact or try being just friends and hope that in time she may begin to feel for you again and learn to trust you again.

 

You have to earn her trust back again but that will be hard.If you still love her enough then be patient with her.Im not saying it will work out but good luck anyway.

 

 

Thanks for th e reply littlebopeep ...I really don't know why we split, I still loved but we had become a habit. and we had a row over another woman that I played golf with once or once every other week. The woman was rich, and used to pay for my golf, in exchange for a simple lesson. She listened to gossip but there was never anything other than golf. I stopped playing with the woman but she thought I had strayed but I hadn't. The woman finally did divorce her husband and is now gone.

I think I have lost her. Its an impossible situation.

[littlebopeep]

Thanks for th e reply littlebopeep ...I really don't know why we split, I still loved but we had become a habit. and we had a row over another woman that I played golf with once or once every other week. The woman was rich, and used to pay for my golf, in exchange for a simple lesson. She listened to gossip but there was never anything other than golf. I stopped playing with the woman but she thought I had strayed but I hadn't. The woman finally did divorce her husband and is now gone.

I think I have lost her. Its an impossible situation.

 

 

Its the old cliche,you never know what a good thing you had till its gone.My ex said he still loved/was in love with me but he made the decision to end it because he thought it was the right thing to do at that time.

 

We had a perfect relationship but when i found other females were phoning/texting him i wasnt very happy.He said it was workmates wanting to change shifts but i wasnt entirely convinced of that.It did cause a couple of rows but not so bad as to split us up.

 

I cant speak for your ex and how she is feeling but wanted to ask you why you waited a year to realise you still loved her.It gave her enough time to grieve and get over you.

 

My ex if he told the truth about loving me is also leaving it too late because im coming to terms with not having him in my life and as its been 7 months,im sure that in another 5 i will be completely moved on.

 

Its really hard when some1 you really love ends a relationship as people here know.The pain is so immense and for many they cant see light at the end of the tunnel.They then have to go through the pain of rejection and will normally fight tooth and nail to hold things together.

 

As i said,the only thing you can do now is to try and regain her trust/friendship but that will be a slow process.My ex is still away but hes had plenty of opportunity to try and make things work but he hasnt.He is probably seeing some1 else but im prepared for that.

 

He knows how much i loved him and how much his family and friends loved me.Im over the worst thank god but he has it all to see when he comes home in 4 months and finds out that half his friends have kept in touch with me asking me to go for drinks etc.Im very lucky i have my family and friends to support me,he doesnt have that support.

 

I really hope you can work things out with your ex because i love happy endings but i also know that even if the love is still there on her part its the trust thats gone.Good luck to you.xx

[thecount]

If I were you I would take what she said as her final decision. When my ex-wife broke up with me after 10 years together. I tired for a year to get her back. I took it pretty bad. Then out of nowhere she came back, and I didnt want her anymore. That was 7 years ago. I've moved on, couldn't/can't see myself with her anymore, and more importent. I can't remember why we were together in the first place.

 

She's killed a lot of relationships for me since then. I had to finally tell her to cut the crap or I was going to sue her for mental distress. She stopped!

 

It's very true what people say. You Never know what you got till it's gone. The grass is only greener on the other side when there's abuse. Otherwise, it's the same grass. Unless you're loving it and taking care of it. IT's going to get ugly on you. Thus, don't abuse it.

[rokkyr]

Its the old cliche,you never know what a good thing you had till its gone.My ex said he still loved/was in love with me but he made the decision to end it because he thought it was the right thing to do at that time.

 

We had a perfect relationship but when i found other females were phoning/texting him i wasnt very happy.He said it was workmates wanting to change shifts but i wasnt entirely convinced of that.It did cause a couple of rows but not so bad as to split us up.

 

I cant speak for your ex and how she is feeling but wanted to ask you why you waited a year to realise you still loved her.It gave her enough time to grieve and get over you.

 

My ex if he told the truth about loving me is also leaving it too late because im coming to terms with not having him in my life and as its been 7 months,im sure that in another 5 i will be completely moved on.

 

Its really hard when some1 you really love ends a relationship as people here know.The pain is so immense and for many they cant see light at the end of the tunnel.They then have to go through the pain of rejection and will normally fight tooth and nail to hold things together.

 

As i said,the only thing you can do now is to try and regain her trust/friendship but that will be a slow process.My ex is still away but hes had plenty of opportunity to try and make things work but he hasnt.He is probably seeing some1 else but im prepared for that.

 

He knows how much i loved him and how much his family and friends loved me.Im over the worst thank god but he has it all to see when he comes home in 4 months and finds out that half his friends have kept in touch with me asking me to go for drinks etc.Im very lucky i have my family and friends to support me,he doesnt have that support.

 

I really hope you can work things out with your ex because i love happy endings but i also know that even if the love is still there on her part its the trust thats gone.Good luck to you.xx

 

Hi again littlebopeep

I waited a year because I really just was playing way too much golf, 5 times a week most weeks. With a load of friends in regular games 4 times a week. Time just went by. I still saw a lot of her throughout the year. I helped her with many things. and went round to visit . I always told her . It'll all be all right in the end love. I used to ask her do you think we will be married sometime??.. She always said I do not know. At the begining of this year I asked her to go back and boom an iron door came down, that is basically what happened.

[rokkyr]

Hi again littlebopeep

I waited a year because I really just was playing way too much golf, 5 times a week most weeks. With a load of friends in regular games 4 times a week. Time just went by. I still saw a lot of her throughout the year. I helped her with many things. and went round to visit . I always told her . It'll all be all right in the end love. I used to ask her do you think we will be married sometime??.. She always said I do not know. At the begining of this year I asked her to go back and boom an iron door came down, that is basically what happened.

 

It is very hard for me little bopeep because I really have no one in the world to talk to. I am completely alone. I am so upset I quit golf altogether.

[littlebopeep]

I can feel your pain and really do hope that in time things will turn out right for you.It seems like your situation is so much like mine.We were making plans for our future,joint account etc but he had to go away for a year.He obviously met new friends/new people/new social life and must have found it hard to find time for me also.

 

He said his decision was for now but couldnt say how he would feel when he was home again.If he had made a better effort to talk to me i might have understood but i then found out he had blocked me on msn,something he denied.

 

For now though.the truth is i do still love my ex but how could i ever know if we gave it another chance he wouldnt do the same thing as he has once before.

 

Are you still in contact and friends with your ex because if you are then thats a start.You need now to slowly try to regain her trust but as i said it will be hard.Oh dear what a pair lol,you are spending your time trying to get your ex back because you have realised you made a mistake and for the last 7 months ive been hoping and praying he would do the same.

 

Ive been asked out on so many dates,been on a few but it was my ex i wanted,now im not so sure because hes left it too longIf only he had given me a sign that he was regretting it i would have probably given him another chance but i know now hes not the same person i knew and loved.

 

The only suggestion i can make to you rokk is to maybe write your ex a letter telling her how much you love her and regret your actions and then let her have time to think.If she has any feelings left for you she can then at least know how you feel and maybe see how she reacts to that.Keep talking to people here it really helps.Take care xx

[rokkyr]

I can feel your pain and really do hope that in time things will turn out right for you.It seems like your situation is so much like mine.We were making plans for our future,joint account etc but he had to go away for a year.He obviously met new friends/new people/new social life and must have found it hard to find time for me also.

 

He said his decision was for now but couldnt say how he would feel when he was home again.If he had made a better effort to talk to me i might have understood but i then found out he had blocked me on msn,something he denied.

 

For now though.the truth is i do still love my ex but how could i ever know if we gave it another chance he wouldnt do the same thing as he has once before.

 

Are you still in contact and friends with your ex because if you are then thats a start.You need now to slowly try to regain her trust but as i said it will be hard.Oh dear what a pair lol,you are spending your time trying to get your ex back because you have realised you made a mistake and for the last 7 months ive been hoping and praying he would do the same.

 

Ive been asked out on so many dates,been on a few but it was my ex i wanted,now im not so sure because hes left it too longIf only he had given me a sign that he was regretting it i would have probably given him another chance but i know now hes not the same person i knew and loved.

 

The only suggestion i can make to you rokk is to maybe write your ex a letter telling her how much you love her and regret your actions and then let her have time to think.If she has any feelings left for you she can then at least know how you feel and maybe see how she reacts to that.Keep talking to people here it really helps.Take care xx

 

Hi Littlebopeep

Thanks for the reply. Can I ask you a question????

I did write a long letter with lots of great reasons and asked her if we could be friends and ultimately work it out to marriage.

 

She replied exactly with these words??

 

"There is nothing new to say that I haven't said before. I am sorry you were lost - I was hurt because of it, butr it doesn't change anything...I do care what happens to you and can be a friend..but thiat's it.pure and simple..I do not have feelings for you like that anymore and do not want a relationship with you other than friendship.

 

If you cannot be my friend I will understand. Know that you will get over it -I did. I'm not glotting over it or rubbing it in, just stating a fact. We will ALWAYS be too different to be anything more. I'm sorry but that is how I feel.

 

ME.

 

Maybe"

 

Littlebopeep I see tha as a total no to ant chance of a reunion except for friends. I also do not understand the Maybe at the bottom, after she signed ME. Is it a typo??? or what???

[littlebopeep]

Im not sure what the maybe means.Im sorry you didnt get the reply you wanted,she was obviously hurt alot.She must have loved you alot also as i do my ex but although i agree entirely with n/c that was purely for time for me to heal,he had every opportunity to contact me but he didnt and thats from some1 who still insisted he loved me.

 

I really dont know what to advise you to do.Could you be friends knowing thats all she wants or possibly by just being her friend with no pressure she may get some trust back.Love and trust go together but 1 without the other is useless.I wish i could be of more help to you i really do.Please know we are all here for you xx

[littlebopeep]

Hi its 2 30am here in the uk and time to sleep lol.You take care and try and take your mind off things for now.Speak soon xx

[rokkyr]

Hi its 2 30am here in the uk and time to sleep lol.You take care and try and take your mind off things for now.Speak soon xx

 

Hey Bopeep are you in UK. I am the USA What do you think about an idea that maybe I can email your ex and talk to him from my point of view and tell what is real in this world. You could possibly email my ex and maybe we can both find out whether there is love there for either one and if they be repaired. What do you think?? At least it may close down the time and space of healing. We could work it all out before anything at all is said?????

let me know what you think?and if so I will give you an email address that we can swap ideas? Or is this just a crazy desparate idea???

 

Rokkyr