Felt Like I had to tell someone

[Spitkicker]

I'm new to this forums... and I recently broke up with my girlfriend of a couple of years.

 

I have already talked my friends to death about the subject. So i'm hoping you guys will just listen to what I have to say.

 

Well, I haven't been with my girlfriend for over 3 months now.

 

And as usual I took it pretty hard at first.

 

But as time went on I forced myself to cope and am doing a whole lot better now.

 

I have gotten my body looking better and am doing so many fun activities.

I talked to her maybe about a month ago and got the closure that I wanted.

 

Apparently not even a month after we were broken up she was dating someone else. And as far as I know is still dating now.

 

Well I am a fool for still having that hope that we could get back together, but I know it's pretty much over. I have just been accepting things for the way they are.

 

I have been trying to move on.. and have been doing a good job to get back my emotional equilibrium.

 

Well recently I have initiated a NC rule on my part, meaning I haven't gone out of my way to initiate contact with her or her family. So I can help myself move on. When I am on AIM she instant messages me for small talk. I chat with her back just to be nice and friendly. I try not to talk for her too long and I definately avoid talk about relationships in general. I talk to her because apparently her life has been going downhill ever since she broke up with me. I did so much for her and her family and everyone knew it and she tossed me to the curb like it was nothing.

 

My problem is I have a heart that cares too much. Because I belive in seconds chances and forgivness and kindness. So I still care about her well being and I don't ever want her to fail in life.

 

Every now and then while we are chatting she says that she misses me dearly. She has never said once or even hinted that we should get back together, just that she misses me. I'm sure she does miss me, but only to a certain extent because she hasn't done anything to show that she truly misses me. She hasn't tried to call, she declines invitations to hang out with me or our friends, and she is still basically just living her life.

 

Why does she do that? Why does she make it seem like she misses me dearly, but has not done anything to try to get me back?

 

A huge part of me wants to let things go and move on. But I really don't think It will happen because her sister contacts me and my friends on a constant basis. And my ex-girlfriend contacts my cousins all the time and basically hangs out with them.

 

So really I'm stuck in continous hell. All I can do is keep focusing on me and improving myself and hopefully along the way run into someone that will truly love me.

 

It's just that my situation it seems like I'll never be able to move on. Because me and her are connected through so many different people.

 

I don't want to go back to feeling heartbroken anymore. I want to be happy.

 

Thanks for reading, any advice would be nice.

[silentcharon]

I'm in the same boat as you are right now- I initated no contact on my part because I asked him if he missed me. He said no, because I've been around trying to be his friend. It just doesn't work, and I wish now that I did what you are doing now, initated no contact from break up day one, or at least didn't hang around so much.

 

I can understand how you feel by not letting go because of mutual friends, I have the same problem too. I recently was invited to a party last weekend and my ex was there- I didn't go out of my way to chat with him or anything like that because the last thing I wanted to do was start drama and have my mutual friends stop inviting me just because he's there. So some advice for you there, if you can handle it, just be friends with her. Other wise, initate total no contact until you feel ready to talk to her in general, because you seem to be questioning everything still.

 

good luck!

[Spitkicker]

yeah that sucks...

 

It's like we're stuck being reminded of a past relationship.

 

It feels like sometimes she is trying her hardest to hang around and reep the benefits of the life I provided for her, while maintaining the freedom of being seperated from me.

 

iuno:confused:

[silentcharon]

I feel the same, and unfortunately, as long as you are there for her, she will still get the benefits from you without the commitment. Sorry, hun, I'm at the point where I've accepted that, and I don't want that right now. Try total no contact until you've accepted that it's really over, and can handle being her friend.

 

Hang in there.

[In Sync]

Here's some advice. It's hardcore. Stop being a doormat. Apparently you did get yourself together after she broke it off and you with this limited contact are still getting your nuts kicked in. "So really I'm stuck in continous hell." . Uh, you and only you can get out of this hell that you don't want to be in. Quit the contact. Period. You were bf. You treated her kindness and she didn't want it. DO you think she's changed just because she regrets her actions by breaking it off wwith you. Regret does not mean a person changes.

She chats with you to keep you on the back burner and trust me..if someone else who catches her eyes comes along again she won't hestitate (because she's done it once. Need more proof?) You want to be happy. Cut the contact. Move on and let her move on. There's happiness in not having your foot stuck in the past.